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tammycttammyc Posts: 894
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:37 AM in Matters of the Heart
I wasn't sure where to post this so i ended up back here.I've had a horrible week.First trying to deal with all my issues of pain,muscle spasms,not sleeping the continual cycle of bullshit,then sat. morning i woke up to my son calling me to his room,he had two black outs and was venturing into his third.Of course my husband was at work and my daughter was calling me to her room,she was throwing up from a migraine,she's only 12 but gets them frequently. I managed to call my husband and he came home an hour later. I had already got pain meds. into my daughter and gave her gravol and it was kicking in so she was settling down.He took my son and me to the hospital so he could get checked out.He has never passed out before and when he did he fell against his wooden stand by his bed hitting his head.I spent five hours at the hospital with my son,they did a full workup on him checking everything possible to find out why he was passing out but every test came back normal.The ER doc. ordered a heart monitor halter for him to wear and we picked it up on wed.He has to wear it for two days and i take it back tomorrow morning.Not knowing whats wrong with my son is bad enough to have to deal with,but then yesterday i got a call from my father and was told that he has lung and liver cancer.He said he doesn't want to see a doctor about it and won't do anything to help himself he just wants to live the rest of his life the best that he can and enjoy what he has left.So of course i freaked out.I lost my mother 15years ago when i was very young of cancer and now i'm hearing the same thing all over again from my dad.I also have lost both of my grandparents and my uncle to lung cancer.I was completely numb.I left the house,leaving my kids with there dad and just walked around for six hours,i ended up on a bridge actually thinking about jumping over.What the hell was i doing,i couldn't beleive things had gotten so out of control so fast that i was actually considering something like that ,but i really was.I just didn't want to cope with someone else dying.Anyways i was up most of the night not being able to sleep.I had therapy this morning and before i left i told the secretary to take me off the schedule for next week.I'm taking the week off to regroup and try and deal with everything thats going on in my life.Whether or not it helps i don't know but i figure things can't get any worse then they are now.I'm sorry this post is such a downer but i really just needed to get my feelings out.Thanks to all of you for listening.


  • I wish I had the right words to say. Just know that there's always someone here that is more than happy to listen, no matter what.

  • tammy, I am so very very sorry life is what it is for you & your family right now.

    I would like to make a suggestion to you that I hope you receive with the intent it is - which of course is to try to help you :)

    Find 1 thing - anything! Grab on to it ( figural speaking ) and let that be your needed strength and reason to pull through this.

    Maybe it could be your kids - your hubby - heck even my dog had helped me at times. We all NEED a anchor to hang on for when life is beating us up.

    Mine is my grandchildren. I carry their pics with me and many many of times they keep me from the bridge.

    Please know that you are and will remain in my prayers/thoughts :)
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
  • you really hit a nerve there! you just made me cry lol. i lost my dog that i had for fifteen years just before christmas last year.she was my thing to grab onto as you call it.She was always there for me,used to follow me from room to room and seemed to know whenever i was having a hard time dealing with my pain.Many times i cried and talked to her and she sat listening to me the whole time.I'm sure that she stayed here much longer then she should have because she knew that i needed her.Many times in the last while i've felt like i just needed to break down but i just couldn't do it,it was just so bottled up inside me.Then one night i went for a late walk and i happened to look up at a house and there was a dog sitting in the window that looked alot like my dog and i just broke out crying.It was the first time in so long and it felt so good.It was so strange that i just couldn't break down and let out my emotions without having my dog around.
  • Gosh darn it, you've had enough already! I'm so sorry you are going through even more challenges. I'm just a PM away if you need to talk.

    Remember to keep doing stretches, shoulder rolls, etc to prevent that neck from tightening up and getting worse. If you are like me, a little stress can play havoc on your neck.
    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • It sure must be very hard to accept all this with what's happening with your Father and all and I hope your son will be alright. Have you got another puppy yet? I know when my cat passed on over Rainbow Bridge she comes to me in my dreams sometimes also she must've sent this abandoned male tiger tabby/ Persian cat to me and he brings me such joy.
    Sending you healing thoughts and a prayer for you and your heartfelt post. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Sending you some guardian angels O:) O:) O:) O:) to watch over you during this tough time.

    I can't imagine being in pain and trying to shoulder the emotional roller coaster of all the medical issues of your family.

    I know you're going to think I'm nuts for suggesting this but I'd get another dog -- not a puppy that will give you more work -- maybe a rescue dog that will be so thankful that you saved him or her. A sweet face that looks at you every day with adoration and will sit with you and give you doggie kisses when you're blue.

    Next, I'd get up every morning and tell God -- okay -- you obviously think I'm strong enough to shoulder all this so please carry me through the day and I'll go through my day knowing that whatever happens you are there by my side. Pray for strength and, of course, you have my prayers and those of many others on this site.

    Second, I'd reach out to family and friends and ask for help and support. You need to be able to vent to a trusting friend and have a good cry. You don't need to jump off the pier -- you need a buddy(S) who will see you through this rough patch -- reach out to your minister and church members. That's why it's called a church congregation, the body of Christ, so that other spirit filled people can support you. This will lift you up from your despair and plant a seed of HOPE, which you desperately need.

    Life is like white water rafting, you have times when you hit the rough waters and have to paddle like crazy and then times when the waters are smooth and you can sit back and coast.

    Please know we all care so much for what you're going through and understand how hard it is on you and are here to support you. Vent away anytime,

    >:D< >:D< >:D< Hugs to you,

  • and give you strength and peace to get through all of this. Look for your reasons to live- your children need you most of all!

    keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,839
    of these problems surely can create a flareup that becomes persistent.
    Please give you the strength to do whatever you need to do for your family and for yourself to get through this all.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • My thoughts are with you, my friend. I'm sending a big, but gentle hug your way.

    Feel free to PM me if you want to talk or vent. I'm just a click away.

  • So, sorry to hear all this.
    Try and remember your kids need you, what would they have done without you?

    That bridge will do fine without you! leave it alone...

    Try to take it slow and easy, one step at a time.
    Sometimes that's all we can do.
  • Gosh Tammy, I cam here thinking of posting because I had a rough week, but mine was nothing compared to yours, your story put mine into perspective.
    I feel for you, having all this weight piled on your shoulders right now. I hope that your son and daughter are doing better, and that your dad is able to enjoy doing what he loves, with the people that he loves, for the time that he has left, and is spared from suffering.

    Just remember to take deep breaths, and save a few minutes each day just for you. And if you need someone to listen, we are here for you.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Words cannot express how bad I feel for you right now. To loose people close to you is a very hard thing to endure when you are well. When you are in pain it just makes it harder to endure. I lost my cocker spaniel last year, and like your dog, he was my shadow. I cried and missed him like crazy. I just last month adopted a 2 year old female cocker from a gal who had to give her up. Being in pain, I didnt want a pup. She is a delight and makes me laugh daily. She is not "Buddy" But she has sure filled a hole in my heart. He was there for me too. And now Bella is. So maybe that is something that will help you to deal with things.
    As far as your father, it is a tough thing. I hope that you have the strength to deal with it. I know how it feels when things just keep happening. One right after the other. You just feel like God is handing you too much. But I do believe that he wont give us more than we can endure, and it makes us stronger and more caring people. It is just so hard to deal with it at the time.
    Please dont EVER feel alone. There are alot of nights that I am on here, off and on. And also alot during the day. I will always be here for you to PM me. I have needed that person before, and I want to be there if the load becomes to much to bear! Keep the faith, because it will help you through it. ANd share your troubles with your husband or someone that can be there to hold you when you cry. It helps. Hope this helps, and PM me any time. Love, Robin
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