I wasn't sure where to post this so i ended up back here.I've had a horrible week.First trying to deal with all my issues of pain,muscle spasms,not sleeping the continual cycle of bullshit,then sat. morning i woke up to my son calling me to his room,he had two black outs and was venturing into his third.Of course my husband was at work and my daughter was calling me to her room,she was throwing up from a migraine,she's only 12 but gets them frequently. I managed to call my husband and he came home an hour later. I had already got pain meds. into my daughter and gave her gravol and it was kicking in so she was settling down.He took my son and me to the hospital so he could get checked out.He has never passed out before and when he did he fell against his wooden stand by his bed hitting his head.I spent five hours at the hospital with my son,they did a full workup on him checking everything possible to find out why he was passing out but every test came back normal.The ER doc. ordered a heart monitor halter for him to wear and we picked it up on wed.He has to wear it for two days and i take it back tomorrow morning.Not knowing whats wrong with my son is bad enough to have to deal with,but then yesterday i got a call from my father and was told that he has lung and liver cancer.He said he doesn't want to see a doctor about it and won't do anything to help himself he just wants to live the rest of his life the best that he can and enjoy what he has left.So of course i freaked out.I lost my mother 15years ago when i was very young of cancer and now i'm hearing the same thing all over again from my dad.I also have lost both of my grandparents and my uncle to lung cancer.I was completely numb.I left the house,leaving my kids with there dad and just walked around for six hours,i ended up on a bridge actually thinking about jumping over.What the hell was i doing,i couldn't beleive things had gotten so out of control so fast that i was actually considering something like that ,but i really was.I just didn't want to cope with someone else dying.Anyways i was up most of the night not being able to sleep.I had therapy this morning and before i left i told the secretary to take me off the schedule for next week.I'm taking the week off to regroup and try and deal with everything thats going on in my life.Whether or not it helps i don't know but i figure things can't get any worse then they are now.I'm sorry this post is such a downer but i really just needed to get my feelings out.Thanks to all of you for listening.