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Maybe I should change my user name

j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:47 AM in Chronic Pain
To made for pain, guaranteed for life! Things were going so good before the incident with the kid who crashed his motocross motorcycle. The last surgery seemed to be successful, just like so many before. Why did he have to crash? why did everyone run over him? and why did I have to be the only one there at that point?
I saw my P.M. Dr. my pain management Psych and my surgeon yesterday. Each one said well if it all happened again. Would you do the same thing? I said of course, I would have no choice! They all said the same thing. Well you did the right thing. But I have to think, there were over a hundred healthy people there. Just not where they needed to be. Where I was!
I haven't been on her much lately. At first it was because of taking care of my mother due to her terminal cancer. But there has been down time. Where I could have come on. I just didn't. I'm in more and more pain every day, and depressed. The P.M. team want me to add Abilify to my anti depressant. I have to say. Over the many years, Ive tried so many different things with such terrible results ( being a "backwards med guy") that I'm afraid to try anything new. Hell, I was cutting things down or out and proud of it. I damn sure don't want to go down the road of more again. I'm already right back up there on my meds. And that really bothers me!
Well I guess that's why I haven't been on here much. I just DON"T have anything good to say! Been there done that!
Click my name to see my Medical history
You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!


  • Hiya Jim >:D< >:D< I understand where you are coming from! :? Its been awhile since we spoke, as i have not been on here much lately either :( ! The last four words of your post is exactly why you should be here, as you have been there and done that..because you have you can share your experiences with people on here >:D< , i would say your an asset! =D> Have you tried the abilify yet??? :? I can see why they would want you to try that drug :? . anyway , hope to chat soon. :D

    Angiexx >:D< >:D<
  • You've been dealing with a lot lately. Between your Mom's illness and the new pain from helping that boy; thats a lot to happen and to cope with.

    Maybe the Abilify will be helpful. Come here and vent whenever you need to. I hope things improve for you. I'm getting tired and the words are not getting from my brain to my fingers! I'll keep you in my prayers....

    Take care,

  • you are one of the long standing back pain folk here and people respect you and what you have to say .sorry that things are not so good for you at the moment .Jim as you well know that's how it goes with pain and life in general ..i am also sorry to here about you mum i also have been there too but with my grandmother {she was a million times better than my mother } and i nursed her through cancer so i know how emotional and physically draining that can be ..Jim we are all here for you despite our own pain and problems we always have time for each other
  • I haven't been on here too much lately either, a few pain issues myself. But my issues are trivial after the heroic efforts you made regardless the outcome meant to you! Not many people would jump to the plate like that. Honestly, think about it.You said it yourself that many people were there in the same vicinity as you were and did nothing, no effort to help. What a sad thing to witness. Luckily, you were there with your good heart to help the poor guy. And this is how you get paid back? Life is not fair!

    I notice when the pain levels increase many of us do tend to back off,possibly hide from the world and reality, while dealing with extra pain. Just when you get going and start to feel well is right when something seems to happen, doesn't it? Well, I missed when you experienced this latest incident so I probably missed more news too....but is there anything they can do to help you? Any surgery,re-dos,fixes? You were doing so well!! It's shame this happened to you. Don't go too low, pick yourself up and vent here every day, keep asking for help until the one of the drs. find the right answer! I really feel for you and wish there was something to do to help you feel better. Good Luck and take it easy for now.

  • Jim, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time of it lately. I don't know what else to say except we're all here for you, and I'm thinking of you, your mom and your family, and I hope better, less pain days lay ahead for you. Keep strong, and you'll know the point at which you will need to go on extra meds to help you, you've already been there with increasing the ones you are on so far. Don't worry about what meds, or how many you are on, unless they are affecting you adversely, of course. Just worry about getting to a manageable state. And if the meds are the way to get you there, for now, then so be it. You have so much more worry about, than to worry about that. Take care of yourself, and please keep in touch to let us know how you are doing.
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • I know what you have been going through and my heart goes out to you and your family.
    I have not been here much myself as with a lot of us. My thoughts are with you daily and always wish you the best.
    Spine Health can use you here. As you have said....Been There, Did That!! Depression is so very hard to deal with along with the pain.
    Your kindness and understanding has really helped me Jim. And I know how you have helped others.
    My best to you and Patti
    Patsy W
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,839
    the physical and emotional stressors you are going through right now.

    I have always viewed you as an honest, sincere and caring person.

    Right now, if down time from here is what you need, then is what you need to do.

    Your priority right now is helping however you can with your mother and taking care of yourself.

    We will always be here.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • It's apparent you are going through so much right now and my heart goes out to you. In reading the posts following yours it sounds as though you have been around the forum for quite some time and have to much to offer those of us who are basically just trying to get used to our new lives. Often times its the experienced members that truly make a difference to those of us trying to learn to deal with our unfortunate but new ways of life. I am sure with everything you have experienced and are dealing with currently I could learn so much from you.
    Of course by all means you are entitled to your down time as is everyone in the Spinal Forum and even though not as experienced as some I am certainly willing to lend an ear if you need a friend to listen.
    Also, and I really don't know your background but your post really made me feel as though you are certainly a hero. Whatever interventions you took to assist the boy on the motorcross bike when no one else would help makes you very special in my books.
    It does sound as though you are in a great deal of pain and having depression to go along with that is no help at all. Perhaps giving the Abilify a chance might actually help somewhat.

    You will be in my thoughts and prayers Jim as its obvious your pain is extremely bad at this point which is bringing you down emotionally. We are all here for you.
    Jim, I get very low also I have a failed cervical fusion and my rt. vocal cord was paralysed during the surgery so I can not speak (just a whisper) and I have lumbar issues at L3, L4, L5 and S1. My new way of life is basically sitting in my recliner 24/7 until recently finding that reading the posts makes me realize there are so many worse off than myself. But although my husband is very supportive and loving (he is also disabled with a very bad heart) so talking to him I am sometimes afraid will simply add to his stress. Being in chronic pain can be a very lonely world. If you ever want to talk or just need a friend to listen please PM me anytime.
  • I wondered why I hadn’t gotten an e-mails from you, but I have been busy so haven’t sent any to you either. I am sorry to hear you are doing so poorly. I was hoping I hadn’t heard from you because you were getting better! You are a good son, taking care of your mom so well despite everything you have going on personally. Give yourself credit, and remember, we can all only do the best we can. We cannot do it all, not anymore. Take care of yourself and I’m always here for you if you want to chat buddy! Marion
  • You need a hug... >:D<

    I'm glad you decided to post this message to all of us. Take a look at the many people here who truly care for you and want to help to ease your pains.

    I don't know why, not one of those people came over to help you with that boy. I can honestly say that what you did is a geniune act of heroism. You acted on what needed to be done right away, and you didn't give it a second thought. My thoughts are that you were placed there for a reason... a very good reason. It's hard to understand why the others didn't react in the way we think they should have, in a situation like this. Perhaps they were in shock, they didn't have any idea of what do to, etc. I am glad you were there at that moment. That boy was blessed by your presence.

    You have a lot on your plate... as usual...and as hard as it may be to accept right now, things will eventually take a turn for the better. Maybe the Abilify is worth trying out. If it doesn't help you after a few weeks, you can always taper off of it with your doctors guideance. It just might help you with a lot of the trauma going through your thoughts right now.

    I'm sorry that your pain has increased. I know what it's like when everything seems to be moving along in a positive way with our chronic conditions, only to be slapped in the face with more pain or a new diagnosis.

    I have been having a really tough time myself, Jim, for quite a few months. I have recently began posting more on Spine-Health to see if it would boost my spirits to give support to others. I'm still in an in-between mode right now (similar to what you have described), so I might need to take another break for a little while. I will always be back, no matter what.

    Please know that you can E-mail me at any time. We just might make very good company for each other right now!

    I do believe that you have so much to give to others here at Spine-Health, with all that you have endured. And, you are loved bunches!

    I will be thinking of you and hope your days start to get brighter,

    Tammy >:D<
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    For being here for me. I guess the first thing I needed to do was realize that I was in trouble and depressed. And neither the pain or the depression were going to go away by ignoring them. Make contact with the experts. And now do what they say. Up the meds add the Abilify. And wait for the insurance approval for the Myelogram CT. First off, I read up a little on the Abilify. And it seems to be used for much more serious problems and that scares me. Like Psychosis, Bi- Polar and many others. All of which I haven't been diagnosed with. But I have seen recent T.V. ads where they have found that it's beneficial to "add" to your regiment In small doses. When that regiment is not working for you. The P.M. Dr. asked me to give it a try for 1 wk. and see if it helps. So I've started today and also upped my meds. Two things bother me with upping my meds. 1, after long term use my brain is in a fog. And I don't have brain farts anymore, I have diarrhea of the brain. And 2, I need to be able to be here for my mom.
    Thanks again, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • I know that you're hurting, worried about your mom, concerned about all the meds, but personally I'm so glad to see your post. Obviously not because I want to see you hurting, but because I just want to see you. I've been wondering about you so I really appreciate the update.

    I'm also glad to hear that the docs are going to do some testing to see what the deal is. You've been hurting because of your heroics for quite a while now and it needs to be addressed.

    You're a very special person and are always missed when you're not around, whether you need to vent or are just being your funny self.

    I'm wondering, do you still keep in touch with the boy you helped so much?

    Take care, my friend. I'm thinking of you and am relieved to just see you around, although I truly wish things were better for you.

  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    No, the boy is at the age where he is oblivious.And it was a race with many riders. And of course a normal person would not have had the results that I did. So nice to see you!
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • Well, too bad you weren't wearing your ruby slippers. He would've remembered you then, huh?

    Yes, I understand that normally, there wouldn't have been those repercussions for a 'normal' person, but it still kind of ticks me off that he didn't send you a note or something.


    PS - I knew you missed me. :P
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