Hello everyone. It's comforting to see I'm not alone in my experiences, yet heartbreaking to realize how many people are suffering out there. I tend to be wordy, so let be get right to it. 17 years ago, diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, hlab27 positive, ankylosing spondylitis, and the best one yet, reiter's syndrome. I know im in a deep depression. Cant get enough sleep, meds are losing effect, raising two daughters alone and doing my darndest to hold down a full time job. I've done all I know to do
..no sugar...no gluten...no wheat....probiotics, all of it. I'm a PhD in autoimmune illnesses. But I feel doctors have failed me, friends and family don't believe me (it can't be THAT bad! ) And now I feel like God has walked away too. Pain and depression are exhausting and do this thing to us that make us feel crazy. I used to be happy. Always smiling. Full of life, hope and optimism. Not so today. I dont know this person I am today. Cant tell if I hate her, feel sorry for her, both? I wait for the moment I can get home and go to bed just so I can not feel pain for a few hours. I want to be well but I don't see it. I have little to no hope. I hide my pain well because it makes others uncomfortable. Smile, smile, smile....while inside im dying.