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Personality Traits

An observation
If a person has self destructive personality traits
Self defeating thoughts and low,self,esteem
Would not these traits be amplified by onset acute chronic pain,which is followed naturally by the chronic long term pain.

I have my ideas,based on what I have personally been through and seen what others do when they enter spineydom...

But i want your ideas on this.Its not about judgement or finger pointing
Its about sharing ,

It seems that some folks tend to have a harder time with pain than others,with the idea of self after onset and then the idea of living in and with pain.
Depression seems not be easy to leave behind.

What is your take?
William Garza
Spine-Health Mod

Welcome to Spine-Health



  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875
    edited 08/19/2015 - 3:08 AM
    These are only my personal beliefs.

    If you have a person who is the type that always looks at a half filled cup as being half empty, then more than likely they are not going to do great with acute or chronic pain.

    Pain takes its toll both physically and emotionally. Hopefully, we can all deal with the physical aspect of it, but the emotional side can be so much harder to deal with.

    You need to have a positive and a great outlook about life to deal with pain overall.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,439
    edited 08/20/2015 - 11:30 AM
    Ime,always half full!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Hello again, for me plus many here, that transition from no pain to a chronic lifestyle is dramatic we mourn the loss of who or what we were for an unknown future, full of imposed restrictions the real us swept away in that dramatic change.

    Developing the positive out of these constraints takes time, working on every aspect while simultaneously dealing with constant pain, it is not an overnight transition, we do plenty of great things on this journey we should acknowledge them using that success to develop additional goals. Once is it known that a positive outlook is beneficial we may need to adopt that stance overall it is not easy we should not chid ourselves in not knowing . It may be that we were placid in our demeanor I placed emphasis on my working role plus success, when chronicle pain impacts on daily life it is undersnandable to impart on our personality, as much as we may be positive doing than contineously is challenging. Learning sometimes comes from experience, what we thought a chronic pain lifestyle might be rarely equates to the reality, so we need to take our time to learn the new us, give ourselves credit for all the good things we do, be kind to ourselves.

    Those imposed changes to who we are never easy who's personality would not be impacted from those symptoms we ensure, I do try to represent some of the things I once did in an effort to bridge that gap so the historic me is linked to the future.

    My granite like drive developed contineously, I like myself more than at the beginning of my journey help from SH supported these changes with support.

    Take care, John.

    ps. This is my 26th year.

  • Mother GooseMMother Goose Posts: 87
    edited 08/20/2015 - 6:06 PM
    I think that the best trait that I have is my stubbornness. I refuse to give in. But speaking of positive vs negative... there is a saying on my desk that says, " some see the glass as half full some as half empty. I picked it up, drank and said I am a problem solver". I mean how you think affects your pain level but no matter how positive you think, you still need to take action.
  • I think my outlook comes partly from innocence..
    That is, i was never told...
    You must be this way when in pain
    Or act that way when the senses are overwhelmed.
    I think some parrot what life has shown them,and in some far off future..act in the way they think they ought to..rather than act from natural instinct.
    Or vice versa..acting on pure instinct because they are far and away out of ken.

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I think the cycles of dealing with chronic acute pain is very similar to a model of "loss and grief" - after all we have definitely lost something (comfort) and can certainly greave it: 1st - denial & isolation: 2nd - anger; 3rd - bargaining; 4th - depression; 5th - acceptance. Every time I go through an additional problem or severe flare up, I go through all the different emotions again. As in bereavement, we may each react individually, but the change in behaviour is present in some form.
  • marlagay said:
    I think the cycles of dealing with chronic acute pain is very similar to a model of "loss and grief" - after all we have definitely lost something (comfort) and can certainly greave it: 1st - denial & isolation: 2nd - anger; 3rd - bargaining; 4th - depression; 5th - acceptance. Every time I go through an additional problem or severe flare up, I go through all the different emotions again. As in bereavement, we may each react individually, but the change in behaviour is present in some form.
    I agree, Marlagay. I see it as a constant grieving process, too, (multiple losses) because each step of the degenerative road takes us one more step away from "healthy." (Truthfully, though, my discs are already wrecked. I'm just waiting for it all to become clinically significant.)

    Lately, I've thought maybe further degeneration could be "good" because it brings us closer to surgery, and maybe that is a type of "restoration." But that is crazy talk. Even the orthopedic surgeon I consulted with years ago said that he does not like to fuse because the results are "just not that good." (I won't be going back to him. He may be a realist, but I prefer my reality to be a bit more palatable.)
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875

    Here is some very interesting reading from the Spine-Health medical library Depression
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,817
    I think for sure it's better to have a positive outlook , but I've found this very hard to do all the time and it only takes one second to spiral. We all yearn to cope with it and forget our old lives, but we should not down ourselves or compare to others who are more positive in this journey. That leads to a worse case than originally. Each of us is different in our personalities and conditions. I do believe that if you were type A, low self esteem , glass half full and high functioning and you have never been one to accept you have a much harder time . dealing with this.. I agree fully with Dilauro and ranch hand . I have a different type of pain now , but even when I had spine mechanical pain it was tough and I often did not understand why others seemed to deal much easier. I have come to much understanding while trying to understand the central pain I have and come to read a lot of information on the mind , personality traits, past experiences, central nervous system and how these play into it and why some get central pain after an injury and others heal with no lasting effect or normal pain and I've come to learn so much about pain and its effect on the mind . I would challenge everyone to understand this and it can answer many questions and bring about a much fuller understanding. I hate myself a little less for it. Pain is not created equal , so much depends on how that pain is affecting the individual , the individuals situation ( fear and lack of support system or finances) and the minds reaction ( did it physically change structure of parts of brain, are you able to cope, is the support structure there to address this before gets out of hand).. It's so darn complex

    A quote from civil war surgeon describing pain, or more specific central pain.
    Under such torments, the temper changes, the most amiable grow irritable, the soldier becomes a coward, and the strongest man is scarcely less nervous than the most hysterical girl."

    I posted this quote because this was civil war times and with all the advances this quote still holds weight for many. It's a testament to the power of chronic pain and neurological pain syndromes
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • Ibwonder if under this blanket of pain
    If we can,be considered normal
    With all the normal drives,functions and nessesary personalitys to function normally?

    Without the constant keeningof the sensory system
    Are we not

    I think yes
    Functional no physically
    But take away the one and i think we would fit into any crowd
    But we dont.

    Therein is a rub i think....

    Since we can talk and cognitively function...how can we be messed up so bad?
    Sackcloth and ashes
    Is that what they expect?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,817
    I know I don't have the same feelings, emotions experiencing things that I had pre pain, the filter of pain lessens them significantly but chronic pain causes all kinds of hormone changes in testosterone, dopamine, serotonin and on and on that can interprets with normal bodily processes.
    I also think " normal" is defined in the individual and based on past experiences and early thinking. I came from an unstable childhood so for me normal has always been a stable life , I never needed to make a million or own 10 homes, just to work a steady job, be in love , healthy , and have a family would always been enough for me, sure I would have worked towards more but for me what I described was always the dream when I was a kid. Normal for one isn't normal for another.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • Sheri76Sheri76 Michigan Posts: 497
    Chronic pain definitely has an impact on how I look at life. And as with the seasons of my life, the whole process of aging seems to continue to make things physically more difficult, but at the same time I'm blessed with grace to dare to adapt, to let go of things that don't really matter. But a lot will still always matter, especially how I treat others, and even how they treat me.

    I've been told recently by a friend, whom I'm sure said it with good intentions, that if I'd think more positively I would be ready to go back to work....that if I told myself I'd be ready by such and such a date, when the time came, I'd be ready. Sounds wonderful to me, but knowing how I felt at the time, where my body was in the healing process, I knew that positive thinking would most likely not be a reality for me. And I don't think that was negative thinking on my part.
    I believe in the power of prayer also, but I also know prayers aren't usually answered according to my preference, or in my expected time frames.

    Since my lumbar fusion back in March, I no longer have chronic pain, but I'm not to where I can do much yet either. I'm not in a rush to get back at it before my body has time enough to heal, even though its taking longer than I'd thought it would.
    To be honest, during my recovery I've been reevaluating how I've gotten to this point, and what I need to do to staff off any future relapses of returning to a life of possible chronic or constant pain, even if it means I have to give up some things I enjoy doing. But giving up on living isn't one of them....so I'll try to be as thankful as I can, for what I am.

  • It almost cost me some important people in my life.

    My personality is upbeat and positive. My nickname is sunshine because I literally radiate it. Since my back started to act up again a few months ago, and then my legs started to go...I was not really honest with myself.i was still chipper and getting angry because of the way people changed in how they treated me. They wanted to do everything for me. Poor me...I know. But give me a second. While I was grateful for the unrequested assistance, I internally felt my control of my life slipping. In turn I started to feel negative about the very loved ones helping me. I saw their help as control of my life. In hind site I know this sounds ridiculous to probably everyone..but for me this was reality. My body failing, my people seeming more and more controlling and I felt like I was just losing it. I was still positive, but hostility was building.

    I too grew up in an unstable home and know what aggression looks and feels like. In the company of my loved ones I had a breakdown so loud that it was a wake up call. It reminded me of the hostil environment of my youth. It reminded me it was not what I wanted for my present or future. After the breakdown I could finally hear the need to care for me from my loved ones, not control.

    I'm in therapy now and we just started. Right away the loving person who agreed to see me said yes, yes..you need to grieve for your lost abilities. Acceptance of my new normal will be imperative to my feeling of genuine sunshine that oozes out of me.

    I'm so grateful for the breakdown. I'm grateful for the help now, truly I am. I cannot accept yet that I'm stuck in this body. In fairness I have an upcoming fusion so I have every reason to expect a different life. Yet, I do know the doctors have explained to me that things will be drastically different for the rest of my life. So I'm currently considering accepting that, and I do feel my natural sunshine occasionally. I'm just very sad. I'm frustrated. I do not feel sorry for myself, it is not that. I'm angry.

    Yesterday I cried to the therapist that I hear stories of Olympians and children and warriors who overcome every obstacle. Why can't the same be for me? She gently said I need to accept those are very rare exceptions.

    So my natural predisposition is to happiness that I even get a day of life. Everyday I'm grateful for life, no matter what. I just am having the worst time saying goodbye to my old physical normal. It is affecting every part of me. I guess you'd say I'm nearing the acceptance phase but not out of grief yet.

    And ranchand I loved, loved that poem
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,817
    I am glad it's not just me, I cannot accept this life that I cannot change with hard work . I would say yes those stories are far and in between. I always feel you hear about the one that succeeds but nothing about the thousands that failed. I think it gives a false idea sometimes and makes you wonder why you are not stronger.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,875
    edited 09/04/2015 - 11:16 AM
    perhaps that is because I started with spinal problems at a young age (15) and started to really have serious problems by the time I was 25.

    Now that I am almost 65, I've lived this time basically all my life. I dont know about being really being pain free or not having restrictions.

    I raised a family, had a very successful business career, enjoyed vacations, sports , and every day. Yes, I might have had a few limitations,, but that never stopped me. That could also be because of my personality or like I said, I dont know anything different.

    Living with chronic pain is difficult, very difficult, so many times much more difficult emotionally than physically.

    I wish I had a solution that everyone could use to deal with all of this, but unfortunately, that is in everyone's individual hands.

    Ranch, I sorry if I digressed a bit from your original thread. But we can all see that you got people to really start thinking and opening up.
    That is great accomplishment. The more and more people are willing to talk about their medical conditions, the better. Thanks for opening up the road!
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Hope3HHope3 Posts: 752
    edited 09/04/2015 - 11:44 AM
    I relate so much to a lot here, for the last two years I have fought so hard to maintain my life of Grandmother, wife and mother. Doing all I could even making my pain worse and then there came a point where it was over no more I could not do it. I was so angry and so lost and still am. I have went to several Doctors and did it all yet here I am getting worse day by day and I do read and talk to people and their pain has been taken away. I wonder all the time is it me what am I doing or what could I do to take some of it back. I don't like or accept my current health and each day I find it harder to pull myself up and feel any type of positive about anything. How do you do that wish someone would wake me up cause pain just strips me of being able to look at any of this in a good way.
    The ones that I spent my life giving and doing for are not there for me now and I have built up a terrible resentment towards them and then I turn around and cry for the impact it has had on them. It in turn only makes me feel so much guilt and so much desperation to go back to being able to be a good caring person again.
    I probably got off track and don't make sense at all sorry for that.
    I do always as I have told you Ranchand enjoy your words and take a lot from them.
  • William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 2,439
    edited 09/04/2015 - 2:13 PM
    Talking is better than not
    Opening up and trusting is better than isolation and. Self defeating circular logic.
    This,has always been about the spiney
    The organic,half alive,half hopefull spiney
    Any direction is good
    As long as we keep moving
    Keep talking

    We are
    We simply are
    We can be

    The caged bird sings because it can
    It has lungs to breath and a beak to speak with
    It may or not no it has no freedom...
    It doesnt matter to bird
    Free birds sing
    Why not me?

    We are still alive
    Whether we want to be or not
    Let me hear your song

    We will all find transcendence one day
    We will all be free
    Until then
    We must be humans being.

    Acceptance is key to the gravity of living
    How,much life we have in our existence depends on how much value we place on living.

    Experience and time will distance us from the ever present...ness"of our living

    One day
    One step

    It all adds up to the sum total
    The experience of survival is the key.

    Whence you go
    I"ll follow
    Ive no fear of the Beast
    For we have taken measure..him and I
    And he has found me a terrible and fierce enemy.
    Be blessed
    And keep talking
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 1,817
    I often get very confused by all of this, before chronic pain my personality was known to have some melancholy moments, sad and depressed moments but a totally different kind of sad or depressed, more the young not really know place or direction. But also very happy , if you asked people about me it would generally be friendly, outgoing and happy, but I wasn't happy all the time . But I was always a good worker, I could push through anything and was the rock who hid his wants and problems for loved ones. Now I feel so alien inside . I know that might sound weird, but I believed in myself more than anything in the world, I believed I could get through anything and I always could motivate myself . now with a body and mind severely affected by my issues I just find I miss my personality traits I grew up with.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • 2dgs4cmpany22dgs4cmpany Posts: 200
    edited 09/04/2015 - 3:20 PM
    I thinks you guys are lovely.
    I had a really good talk with my husband today. My brother passed 20 years ago. It was an accident with a gun. That's what I was told. When I discovered a few years ago, that it was suicide...well. I was a mum by then. I wasn't 18 anymore. My brother was still dead at 21. So I just kept going forward. I am slowly realizing I never grieved. My husband said he noticed this 3 years into our 20 year marriage. He noticed how my family was always sunshine and merriment. He wondered at it.

    This matters now for me. As I grieve my physical sunshine self, I'm also learning how to grieve. I never really learned that or accepted that part of life. I feel raw but alive for the first time in a long time. And this is what will help me move to acceptance. My husband opening up to me today and explaining his perception. What a gift.
    But what a conundrum. Is my warmth and sunshine a coping mechanism or me? I'm looking at that. I think it is me and now I'm reluctantly and expectantly embracing sadness, depression and anger and frustration.

    I would not be confronting any of this without my illness. So maybe this pain is a gift. My cage has set me free..and I feel more happier than I have in a long time.

    My family boats every weekend. They have not since the reoccurrence happened (back/legs not working). I'm hoping they too sense my burgeoning acceptance and continue their enjoyment without me for now. And we shall see.

    I know I jumped around a lot..and this makes no sense, but this post and topic and those beautiful poems are really real for me right now, in this moment. Thanks for the forum and your candor.
  • But it can happen
    Its not for everyone.
    This is a long haul,not a get there scenario
    Its a process

    5 stages are part of it
    Accptance of everything that happens helps
    No rationalizations
    What is...is.
    The,key as our esteemed,John woyld,say
    Be gentle,with yourself.

    Is,still there
    The totality of your character remains
    There is the rub
    All your sunshine,is. Still there
    As is the darkness
    Balancing the scales will leave you feeling bipolar
    Find the inner joy and hang on
    Its still there
    Only you can kill it
    You deserve and require happyness
    Fight for it
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I took a picture of it to reflect on when I needed it.

    You, Ranchand, are a gift. I can't imagine I'm the first to tell you: assemble these poems in a blog or book. They are life saving. They are happiness and sadness. I feel warmed and loved and cherished and lifted by them. Thank you for sharing them.
  • I am Humbled by your kind words.
    It is the plight of the People on S H that moves my muse.
    Partly me,Mostly you guys.
    Its my way of fighting the Darkness.

    No "one" is less important here.all are equal here,pain is the whip master
    No..but we feel the lash nonetheless.
    No one can find the light but ourselves.
    We create that light every day,by simply going on and forward.
    You create the light when I see you trying.

    We come,from all over the world
    We are family.

    No one is excluded
    No one is shunned
    No one is left behind on purpose.

    You have light to give
    You are luminance..right now.
    There are those who visit Spine Health,but will never post. But they will see your words,
    They will know that they are not alone in their struggle.

    You have part of the solution.
    Your light,will be at the feet of someone coming in from the storm..and you will be leading the way.

    I was led,in by a few,so now,i can give light to others
    So will you.
    There is so much of you left to give..the Spiney Martyrdom is long and hard
    And before we leave this coil..we can do so much..give so much light as to light the Heavens.

    Welcome to Spine Health
    Take your rest for a while
    And find a little peace.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • 2dgs4cmpany said:
    I took a picture of it to reflect on when I needed it.

    You, Ranchand, are a gift. I can't imagine I'm the first to tell you: assemble these poems in a blog or book. They are life saving. They are happiness and sadness. I feel warmed and loved and cherished and lifted by them. Thank you for sharing them.
    I wouldnt know where to begin...
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • You have to trust me on this one, I know what I'm about when it comes to authors.

    Couple ways to start, you choose which is best for you.
    Just copy and paste your posts into notes on your desktop or word. No need to date, they will be auto date stamped.
    Get a journal in your house, a real paper one
    Write each and every day, even if it's just a medical log of pain levels or drugs you took
    Then, one day you will feel like adding a little note to that
    Keep going to this forum, I believe other people's topics are a beautiful muse for you
    Your mind will really start kicking in
    When it does, stop. Write.
    Just like you stop to take your meds.
    Don't edit, trust me.
    (My pain journal has become all things about me and my day. My notes columns are full each day from my posts.)
    You should if you are bored go back to your posts and copy them to your desktop where you are gonna find quickly adds up).
    When you are ready, edit...but not too much! When you are writing I notice you are in the moment, don't let the new moment interfere with the meaning you had originally)
    When you are ready, print and consolidate
    When you are ready, share with a couple trusted people
    Trust me on this.
    Remember, no one ran a marathon their first time out.
  • Spine-Health has kind of beenmy journal.
    My internal battles,victorys and failures are all here.
    My muse is always there
    My faulty memory is too
    Some days i must write down on the instant or its gone.

    What the ambien didnt destroy
    It maimed
    My vocabulary is limited,,at least in my standards.
    The english language is a wonderfull vehicle for expression
    The words,its engine.
    Mine,is broken.
    There are moments.

    There are many more posts on the older forum ide need to look up and be reminded of where i came
    We came
    To know,and remember where ..up is.
    Thank you for the help!
    Soon i"ll start the process.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I re read that a few times, it's almost a spiral?! I know it's not seemingly, but read that post backwards, from the last word to the top...if I read it normally and then backwards, I really feel a melody. Anyways, that's how it felt to me. And even if your words just made sense for one person today..you made a difference. It sure is a process!
  • Its a process
    The way of Spiney...
    Every thing is intertwined and has a action or reaction somewhere else in the life.
    Are all connected and when one is out of balance,it rips the others from their orbits
    Is no longer the center.
    Its a way of life to find,asssimilate and practice
    The hardest of all,at the beginning
    Some will fiind a new center in the eccentric orbits of pain/less pain/waiting for pain..a very bad cycle..waiting for pain..the cynical way of life
    No more
    No less

    What we add to the sensation ,,is the root of suffering from this form of pain.

    Do you know the forms of pain?
    There are 3.

    I am going to look at this,more deeply i think
    Thank you for helping me to smile,today!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I really like how you connect the three mind body and spirit, I feel that so much. And I understand those three forms. Oh so true about how in the beginning of the spine land world we begin there. Some people stay there for the whole journey. The poem seems on the verge of the transcending portion I think. Or staying in pain for a little and then ... I can't wait.

    While you are here..I'm on my way to get my hair cut and colored. I share this superficial trip for a reason. I've prepped for it all day, really since two days ago. The ability to set an appointment in spine land and actually achieve it is akin I think to building a house. I just want you to know that you have been such a great consultant architect for me. I'm in pain, but it is less today. I'm anticipating (waiting) the outcome of my appointment today. The stylist knows she will have to work fast. She knows I can only sit so long. And some might say, wow, a hair appoint,net, really? Well, I want to look pretty for my husband when he returns from a trip tomorrow. It will make me feel better. It will cost me every spoon, but I have planned it such so I keep one.

    Thanks so much ranch hand.
  • That is one i cant touch.never been married..
    But the idea is this
    You want to look extra special to hubs
    He knows your doing this for him..and he knows the price.
    He takes the gift in kind,and knows the breadth and depth of your love and commitment to him and the marriage.
    Being the wondrous and beautiful Spiney you are..you can also remember to accept his love.

    I see so many Spineys that seem ro forget,its ok to take the love freely given..and not reject it out of some martyrs principal,or cynicism..."ime no longer worthy"
    And the marriage takes a hit.

    For better or worse...
    For you good folk,it works
    For others it is seemingly a death knell.

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • 2dgs4cmpany22dgs4cmpany Posts: 200
    edited 09/12/2015 - 2:53 AM
    I love how we left the original topic for a squirrel (my term for when I get off track of my conversation) but finally get back round to it. It's kinda like also when we forget the reason we were talking, and I know know know I'm not the only one who lost their reasoning in a conversation, I blame the lovely drugs..but I digress again, squirrel!

    Anyways, personality traits and Marriage. Pain.

    Personality traits come into a marriage. My observation is the two who get married accept the others innate ways and build a life using them as architecture plans to build their home. The homes that are still standing are the ones that really paid attention and worked out flaws on the blueprint either as individuals or as a couple early on. My observation is those that were excited about the wedding and the concept of marriage overlooked the innate personalities of their selected spouse. In doing so their house will come tumbling down. Now for fun, throw pain at either scenario.

    Or maybe you came into the marriage with the pain. I don't know how that affects the blueprint and am curios from others in spineland how that affected the blueprint. I would guess that the pain free partner either recognized it and put it into the blue print, or they didn't. Resulting in bloom or bust.

    I'm of the former. The model was built on our personalities. Hubby is kind caring loving and a festidious and indefatigable worker. I am sunshine and creative and loving and Fun, most of all supportive of his dreams of success in business and growing a family. We are both type a. Hubby needed the fun. I needed the discipline. We bloom. Enter pain. Husband applied every character trait to me. I have struggled with how I accepted that, because the creative creature in me was now immobile. So I saw the care from hubby as control. I had to look at the totality of our marriage to realize, really internally that he was the same man applying his love to me. I accept that now and we bloom. But, expletive, it is hard! It's not all easy. But our house stands strong, because our innate personalities were coupled well to allow for the pain.

    And I would be remiss if I didn't add that compassion and conversation are integral to personality traits. If you cannot have empathy to others, and be able to listen compassionately, receive the others need and truly help without bias, I think life would be lonely. My life was forever altered when I learned to really listen to others. In doing so it allowed my innate personality of fun and silly and creativity to bloom and help others. So while we have the initial personality, I think the well read person who is constantly trying to bloom, who is indefatigable in their pursuit of being human thru all obstacles..that is my goal. I'm so lucky to have my husband as my biggest ally. It was interesting to me to reflect that I did support him to become a Titan in business all these years. I never gave it thought. That was our plan, and I never gave it thought day in and out. Now, twenty years later, this guy is saying to me, your turn. You made my dreams come true, I will move mountains to help you thru this. Chillllls, how lucky am I?

    Ranchhand, you may have never married, but your poetry and skills with the written word apply so well to many rough situations, just so you know.
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