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Unidentified Chronic Pain




  • i have intractable chronic pain in my left sacral area and hip that the doctors can't seem to diagnose. i was living in nevada and, finally, with the help of pain meds, meditation, and an attitude change almost found a normal life.
    i moved to ca to be with my fiance and i thought i was doing great. i was still on meds, but i could cook and clean and even write a little, but i still can't sit or stand for longer than 30 minutes, and that's pushing it. i would take my breakthrough meds prior to going to a movie and had to get there very early to get the seats with the bars in front so i could put my legs up so my lower back would be flat as if i were laying down.

    well, i guess it wasn't enough for the fiance. he mentioned that he wanted someone who would be able to go listen to music for a few hours, etc., but he wasn't a communicater and i did tell him prior to moving that i had chronic pain, with all the details.

    to make a long story short, he broke up with me in a very stressful way--lied to my doctor there, called the police after he pushed me, etc.--and he towed my car when i was still traumatized from him lying to the police. i still don't know why he did what he did. but he wrote a letter to the district attorney saying that he wanted to teach me a lesson.

    i think that he didn't want to admit that he couldn't deal with my chronic pain, even though i asked him a hundred times prior to moving. and moving is very hard for someone in chronic pain.

    anyway, he ended up threatening me and towing my car, and me, back to nevada and dumping me like trash at my parent's house. i hate this man. i've never hated anyone in my life. i'm extremely spiritual and believe in forgiveness, and even forgave my ex-husband who probably caused the pain by throwing me across the room ten feet.

    so i get back to nevada and find out that the pain mgt. clinic that i had been going to since 2002 will not see me as a patient anymore. i'm already so stressed, and now i'm doctor shopping and feel like a real criminal.

    my brain feels fried from the neurontin one doctor put me on and my general practitioner was kind enough to write 2 prescriptions for my pain meds, but not for the break-through.

    so since oct 1st, i've not had breakthrough meds and the last 6 days, i've been trying to taper my long-acting medications and take the neurontin another doctor prescribed and i feel like the neurontin is making me nuts in the head.

    neurontin does seem to help a bit with the pain, i admit, but i am too afraid and feel too psycho to even leave the house. i just stay in my little room and cry and my parents really don't want me here so i just avoid them.

    i hate this so much. i don't know where to turn. i am too embarrassed to go back to my primary care doctor and ask for another refil and i've seen 5 pain mgt. doctor who just shrug and tell me to keep taking the pain medications?????

    and i'm not sure what to do with my primary care doctor. he
    s being investigated. he's never prescribed me pain meds until october of this year, but i guess he prescribed pretty regularly to others and is being sued by the parents of a girl who committed suicide by using prescribed meds.

    when i filled the last prescription, the pharmacist yelled at me.

    i can't even find a psychologist in the area to help with all this trauma, as none seem to want to take medicaid.

    i don't know if the doctors are treating me like this all of a sudden because i'm poor due to pain and disabled.

    7 months ago, i really thought i could have a life. now i feel like i'm unwanted trash, just a body with pain, and i'm rambling because this neurontin stuff makes me nuts.

    i'm taking a lumbar mri tomorrow, but i've had mri's prior and no one found anything. the pain began in 1996-7. i had a botched surgery--gyn--and my ex-husband was abusive and threw me across the room, but i really don't know what ccaused the pain.

    i wanted a baby and the gyn said the pain was caused by my enlarged uterus that was pressing against the nerve and she promised that the pain would go away if i had a hysterectomy. it was such a hard decision but i couldn't see myself raising a child alone when i couldn't stand or sit for 30 minutes, so i did it, thinking that i still had my creativity and i would make babies of novels and art, etc.

    and now i'm just being tossed to the wolves. i have literally been praying to get cancer or something that can be seen for 8 years. i just don't know what to do anymore and i'm so frustrated at these pain doctors. i went to a neurologist for 2 years, also, who put me on scores of drugs that were not opiates and, again, i felt like was losing my mind.

    i hate being dependent on medications that have a stigma like opiates and i would love to get off of them if a doctor could find the source of my pain. i want a normal life.

    i don't think i will survive the neurontin though. like i said, it does seem to help a bit for pain, but i've been taking it for 3 weeks now and was able to cut down my opiate medications by 1/3, plus i no longer take the breakthrough, but all i do is lie in bed and cry all day.

    what kind of life is that? i tried to smile, but my brain feels so foggy that i'm afraid to even visit with friends who knew me prior.

    when i was going to the neurologist, he put me on cymbalta and it was the same thing. i got very suicidal.

    i just want a somewhat normal life. i guess i returned to nevada at a very bad time--the dea seems to have set up shop here--but i don't see why i have to suffer because some people are addicts.

    i just want a doctor to listen. i think i know what they could do to treat me. i had an anesthetic shot and was able to direct the radiologist to the exact nerve that was hurting. you know, move the needle a teeny bit to the left, now down, a little higher, that's it.

    that was in 2006 and i was pain free for 18 blissful hours. i did more in those 18 hours than i do in a week. take away the pain, and i have lots of energy.

    the pain just wipes me out. i just want to be normal. i'm so sick of being treated like a criminal or a drug seeker when i just want to able to live again. i can't believe i used to be a college teacher and a published writer.

    i hate these anti-seizure medications, but what do i do? i know i will be cut off cold turker from my medications. i was taking 3 80 oxycontins and 3 dilaudids for breakthrough.

    that's a lot of medication, i know. but i was functional and happy. every since i began the neurontin, i've felt suicidal and agoraphobic.

    i also cut back so i'm only taking 2 oxycontins a day instead of 3 and my pain levels have gone way up so even though the neurontin makes me foggy and sleepy, the pain is now waking me up every 1/2 hour and i toss and turn and can't get back to sleep.

    i want some hope. how can a pain mgt. specialist tell me to keep taking the meds or i won't be able to walk, but at the same time tell me that he won't prescribe.

    i know the psychological stress of the break-up, and now searching for a doctor who will help that is within 10 minutes of me so i can et there, is making my pain worse.

    i keep trying to meditate, but i can't seem to get there anymore.

    i'm afraid of everything. i feel as if the world just wants to get rid fo me, that i'm a burden.

    i don't even look the same in the mirror. my face is all puffy. is that from the neurontin?

    and i know if i say that the neurontin is driving me nuts, even though it does help a little for the pain--takes it from 10 to 7--that the doctors will think i just want the meds i was on. i was yelled at by one doctor who said he'd prescribe anything but opiates.

    i'm sorry. i can't live like this. maybe if i take enough neurontin i will be able to withstand the pain, but i will be a zombie and end up in a mental institution.

    i think a radio-frequency ablation of my nerves would help, but if i mention it, the doctors just brush me off, as if i shouldn't be knowlegeable about the pain that is causing me to lose my life. of course, all i do is try to find out what's wrong and what new technology might be able to make me functional.

    i just don't have the patience to live like this anymore and the doctors are so slow. if nothing shows up on the mri, then we'll try something else in a few weeks. well, if i stay on the neurontin and cut back the rest of my pain medications, i won't be here in a few weeks.

    my face has broke out with cysts. i haven't had a pimple in 20 years. i feel as if i look like an insane person.

    being rejected by doctors is horrible. i'm sorry for rambling. i'm on a medication--neurontin--that i cannot stand. i asked for lyrica because i read it wasn't as bad, but the doctor said no.

    what am i doing wrong? when i first went to pain mgt., i was taking 5 vicodin a day. i was clueless about what was wrong and just cried in the office. the doctor put me on 30 mg. methadone.

    now the doctors see that i'm on medication and tell me to keep taking it but they won't prescribe. okay. where am i supposed to go to get an rx?

    do i need to go to the er?

    i'm just fed up with doctors. my psychiatrist tells me that my depression and anxiety are due to my pain and there's nothing he can do. i can't find a local psychologist to talk to. i'm afraid to see any more pain mgt. doctors, or i'll look like i'm shopping. one that i went to actually had a computer list of the 3 doctors i had went to.

    i almost think my best bet is just to suffer, get off all the opiate medications and start over. i'm just afraid that i'll be in so much pain that i'll curl up in a ball and take 100 klonopin instead. i have anxiety disorder and have been on low dose of klonopin 1 mg. since 1996, but i'm prescribed 2 a day, although i don't take two.

    i'm at a loss. i want to get fixed. i don't just want meds. one pain doctor just looked at my mri from 3 years ago and said, i can't prescribe you narcotics, you don't have anything that i can see wrong with you.

    well, i've been in pain and lost everything due to pain and now am living a non-life at 48. i just want to be functional and get a normal job and be able to date and maybe fall in love one day.....

    like that's going to happen. i don't know how i can feel like a monster compared to how i felt about myself in august, when i had a good doctor and a pain therapist. now i'm treated like a criminal.
    i don't have money to move again and couldn't move even if i did at this point.

    i just don't know what to say to doctors anymore. i'm sick and tired of seeing them shrug. i'm tired of hearing how they don't want to lose their license and will prescribe what i think are worse drugs--neurontin and other epilectic drugs that are making me feel insane--rather than what makes me functional. i tried telling them that i want to get off the opiates, and i do, but i need them to do something for the pain--an injection or anyting, but they just shrug.

    do i keep taking the neurontin and feel insane? i don't want to be seen as a problem patient. i called my old pain clinic 3 times and left messages asking them very politely to tell me the reason that they won't see me anymore and have received no response.

    would doctors help in er? or would they just give me medications until i find a doctor? no point in going for 2 weeks of meds, imo. i want a life back.

    and whenever i tell doctors--i remember from the neurologist--that cymbalta, effexor, lamictal, etc., and now neurontin--make me feel insane like i'm psychotic, they look at me like i'm an addict.

    i wish these doctors would try some of these anti-epileptic drugs they prescribe and see if they could function on them.

    all i have left is my mind. i was a writer. my dream is to finish my novel and sell it. i can't focus at all. i can hardly read and i used to read a book a week, at least.

    it's horrible to have pain that doesn't show up on mris. i'm hoping i've developed problems that will show tomorrow, but i still do yoga and stretch every day, as it relieves the pain. i am very limber. i used to teach yoga before the pain got so bad and i still do certain exercises because they seem to take the pressure off.

    i know that my spine is twisted and that's one cause of the problem. but i think either a nerve was damaged during a surgery or a fall, as well.

    i don't know why they won't take an x-ray of my hip and pelvis. i think they would find something. one pain doc even said that an mri won't show anything and an x-ray would be better, but he didn't want me as a patient due to the high amt. of meds the other clinic had me on, and so he just told me to go to a detox.

    the thought of sleeping on a non-tempurpedic bed without my ocomforting pillows makes me cringe with pain. i never even stayed at the hospital after my surgeries--i've had 4 gyn ones--as i wanted to get home.

    and i really don't feel as if i am an addict. i still remember when the first pain doc told me about opiates and said i didn't have to suffer. i had told him that i was scared of getting addicted and he went on and on about how pain meds were good things. and this is the same doctor who refuses to see me now. i don't get it.

    i'm scared and this neurontin is making me feel insane and i beginning to feel suicidal. i look different in the mirror. i don't want anyone to see me like this. i don't even want to take a shower. it's like a bad acid trip. i can see all my imperfections.

    anyone had a reaction to neurontin like this? am i stuck to either suffer excruciating pain or take a med that makes me feel like i'm insane?

    the latter will lead to death... i'd rather suffer than be insane. i really would. but i'm saying that when i'm on neurontin and still on some pain meds, and i probably would cave if the pain got to lvl 10. it's usually only that bad at night.

    and i lie on a shiatsu massager and try to break up the muscles atop the nerve that hurts and end up bruising and burning my left sacral area every night. this is no way to live. no wonder my fiance dumped me.

    i thought i was doing great, though. i guess my idea of being functional is not that of the rest of society, but i did think i was doing well, and now i am not doing well at all. i'm so sad and can't stop crying. i feel as if i'm grieving my own death.

    i gave myself a year from october 1st and told myself that i would keep trying to find a doctor who would help. but i don't know if i can make it through that year. i hate this neurontin stuff.

    but i don't know what else to do. it does help with pain and withdrawals from the pain meds, but it also makes me crazy and suicidal. and the more doctors that shrug or say that i should continue on narcotics but they won't prescribe--or one just didn't mention that i wrote i was pain meds at all--the less i want to go to another doctor who might help.

    i wanted to get some sort of treatment--injections or something--and taper off of the meds as much as i can. but i don't know what to do now.

    i've been in pain and unable to go to the movies even some days since 1998. i turned down trips to paris and bahamas because i couldn't sit on the airplane for that long. i have no life and now they want to take away my mind.

    i can't let them.
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  • my pain is through the butt, down the side and back of thigh, the tail bone area hurts more when sitting, and the area of my spine where something is going on. An orthopedic surgeon said it was 2 herniated discs and then a neurosurgeon said my discs are fine(that there is no reason for pain)... time for a 3rd opinion? I'm only 21 and this pain is the worst!! my butt is the worst, radiating heat! Does it hurt real bad to drive? cause I had to stop the car and stand for a bit... i've tried physical therapy, pain killers, and steroids but none help this pain. would the injections help? The orthopedic surgeon says surgery is the only fix..

    something else i'm wondering about. This morning I woke up, walked to kitchen then took a seat. before i could get some cereal to my mouth i'm gagging like i'm really gonna puke with the pain radiating in my back each time. I stand and walk to bathroom and it stops. No actually getting sick.. and i'm not pregnant, for sure! so has anyone else had this happen????????
  • I was on neurotin and became severally depressed with it, my face swelled up and I thought I was loosing my mind. All I could do was cry all day every day. I stopped taking it and all these syptoms stopped.
    However I now have to deal with the pain again full force, but am glad that I dont feel depressed anymore. What good is a drug that gives you more problems on top of what you already have?

    Cheer up and do not give up, there are people here to talk to.
    >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • It could have been an adrenaline rush caused by the intense pain. I had that happened, and I felt like a surge through my body and I felt nauseated. I'm sorry you're going through this so young. Take care
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