I thought I would post here as it seems the most accurate place and people seem so sympathetic and kind - just venting would make me feel a little better
I had a revision L5 S1 Microdiscectomy on 8th July after months of pain which had started at a fairly new stage of my relationship. When I went for my surgery I suggested to my boyfriend that we split up as I couldnt bear it if we ended up breaking up while I was ill (it happened to me with a previous partner during my first microdiscectomy so I knew I couldnt do it again). He said he loved me and whatever happened we would face it together. When I was in hospital I asked him not to come and see me as I wanted to concentrate on my recovery (it was only a week) but he came up after and things seemed ok - maybe a little rocky on reflection but...I came out of hospital but suffered greatly with a vestibular infection and nerve pain so was re-admitted to hospital end of July as an emergency.
So anyway - after all this - my boyfriend dumps me by phone on the 4th August when I was in hospital saying he is going travelling in a year and needs to save up and so cannot keep coming up on the train to see me. After that he cut me out and behaved very cruelly - not texting or calling despite the fact he knew I was in hospital, saying he wanted to come and see me then changing his mind etc. It devastated me particularly as it seemed like he became a different person. Then two days ago on our anniversary he texts me again and again saying how he misses me and us and like an idiot I text back and he says perhaps we should see each other (I am out of hospital but still in a lot of nerve pain and at home mostly). Then yesterday he goes back to being cruel and unpleasant - saying he misses me but that doesnt mean he doesnt want us to go back to being us. I feel like my heart has been messed with all over again. =((
Its so hard for me to talk to people like my family and friends about this - my mother wont really let me talk about it as she thinks I should only concentrate on my health (which I am pretty depressed about anyway as being in pain still after my surgery has made me scared and sad) and my friends think I should forget about it and move on. Its hard tho when you loved someone and thought they loved you. Its just another pain to add to the rest. And its not like I can go out and try and forget about it or think about meeting someone else as my "back future" scares me.
sorry for ranting a bit and posting such a long message - i have just found this site so useful over the last week since I found it
thanks for listening