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All for nothing?

eajosepheeajoseph Posts: 315
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:24 AM in Depression and Coping
I'm not even sure this is the right place to post this but I need to at least put it out there even if there are no answers or the answer is something I really don't want to hear.

I have been busting my butt in college for just over two years. It's an online university that's really great, well accredited, etc. I'm about 13 months away from completing my Bachelors. I want to be an elementary school teacher. This program normally takes 4.5 to 5 years so as you can see by the time frames I've been in overdrive to get done as quickly as possible.

Everything seemed on track and going as I had planned. I was even deciding what to get my Masters in after I finished this program. Then my back decided to throw a fit and here I am. I need Vicodin to control the pain and use ice frequently. How in the world can I do all my classroom observations then my 12 weeks of student teaching in this condition? I don't think most principals want their teacher candidates coming in on Vicodin.

I cannot graduate and get my license without doing these things. I don't know what triggered my back to do this. Cortisone injections aren't doing much for me. I've got some new pain, some pain at the same level, and a little relief in my legs. But I have to take the pain med to keep going.

I feel as if all my work, determination, plans and future are going to go up in smoke. :< :( I am losing my desire to study at all. Why waste my time. There is a degree I could get that doesn't require classroom time but I wouldn't be licensed to teach. What good would that do?

Sorry for being whiney right now. I just don't know what to do. And every plan for the future of my family revolved around me getting this degree, license, and a Masters so I could work a job that I love and bring in an income and still be around for the kids as much as possible.


  • :) hi! :H perhaps a long acting medication would be the answer. you would take one when you first get up and would not need another till the school day is over. once your body adjusts to the medication you won't even know you are on it except for getting pain relief. =D> you would have consistent pain relief all day long. the patch could work just as well. there are still options left for you so don't despair. if your doctor is not willing to work with you, try another pain management doctor who is familiar with medications and is willing to work with you. you are doing so well to be going to school when you are a chronic pain patient!!! you should be so proud of yourself!!! <:P so chin up and get ready to head for the classroom!! <:P i do part time hospice work and i take morphine daily. it does work out!!!!! Jenny :)
  • Eajoseph,
    I teach primary 5-11 now and my concern would be for you ability to continue physically day in and day out, you mat be well in short burst but continuing that pace for a longer period of time will be a problem however your strength of character or tenacity.

    You have got here through your determination and effort and I see no reason for you to stop now, it will need a realistic appraisal of your overall capability and can could you work those hours and pace now. I have worked 15 years like this with all the apprehensions that you have and part of this is planning and confidence element you will have to be honest with yourself and that disclose at the interview stage is always difficult.

    Our university had student support go and see them, they will assist you as best as they can and we are all impressed with the effort and determination you have shown to survive up to now, it has just not disappeared.

    Don’t look to far ahead and use the skills and capacity you already have to work through this, school always need good and enthusiastic teachers, you have need and should be supported.

    I used an array of strategies to get through and do not see teaching as 9-5 it comes in many forms, I did some Business Studies lecturing at the local college with the hours to suit me, it was not ideal but it got me through. Have you had some support up to now?

    Take care and good luck.

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    There has to be a treatment out there that works for you.
    Have they mentioned a ESI epidural steriod injection?? Or have you just had cortizone??
    Plus Paul is right mabye something long acting to get you through??
    I wore the patch last year before my first surgery (ok before the first L/5 S1) not the other trillion surgeries I'v had :D
    Your not being whiney at all.
    What has the dr said is in store for you if treatments do not work??

    My daughter is not married or has kids, but she is 21 doing online early childhood classes and following my path of chronic pain, poor thing..
    So I know where your coming from in that direction.

    Just hang there. There has to be a good treatment for ya.
    Vicodin is a short acting medication. and may not be giving you the relief you need.
    So mabye try a pain managment Dr if there is one in your area.

    I go all over (ok not lately) no one even has a clue I have taken my pills . Cause I talk alot anyway :))( :))( :))(

    You have a family that loves you for who you are not for whats going on inside your body. Your giving it your all.
    Vent away anytime you want that is what we are here for ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
  • my degree is in Broadcast Journalism and I was on my way to living out my dreams. I was a reporter. anchored a daily Spanish webcast. filled-in for the morning anchor. I had to quit my job eventually becuase of my back problems. have you ever tried reporting out live in the freezing cold just weeks after a laminectomy? or anchor a live 4 hour show with intense back pain? if not, let me tell you... it hurts like hale! I loved what I did, but I couldn't enjoy it. but!!! so I took a little stop along the way to find more relief. I haven't found it yet, but I am NOT going to stop until I do. I HAVE to believe I will someday get back to living out my dreams. otherwise that on its own would depress me... and there are enough other factors to fight along the way... like pain itself. so, my humble opinion is that it is NOT a waste of time. no one can ever take away my degree or the experience I already have. and in the meantime, I am grateful to be able to be the one to pick up my kids after school... and work from home.
    I am not always this positive, by the way. I have my lousy sucky ungrateful days. but, you have to at least know deep down I haven't given up hope. and I just don't think you should, either. we're young. we have to believe our best days are ahead. I hope you can. :)
  • I'm still trying to study and finish my degree. IDK how it's going to work out BUT I've worked too hard to say I quit now. I want my degree! I've wanted one for a long time. And at 40, I'm not quitting now.

    Preclinicals and student teaching might be really tough on me. But one way or another I'm going to get through it! If at that point I realize that I cannot handle the daily grind of being an effective teacher (I will not be the teacher that does a half a$$ job) then I will see what else I can do. My background is in computers and teaching adults how to use them as well as teching them and I did earn a Novell CNA. So I'm not sitting (laying) here with no skills.

    Thanks for your kind words. I know that I'm probably going to be going back and forth about whether or not I can do this. But I've got three great reasons to keep on. My husband, son and daughter......... I want my kids to know that their mommy graduated from college and didn't give up because things got tough. Life hasn't been easy in many ways and I didn't give up.

    I will find work. Some where, some type, some how. And I will contribute to my family financially. And we will get to be together on weekends. I'm tired of watching my husband work 7 days a week while I can't do a thing to help him. 13 months, barring any big problems, and I will have that elusive degree!!!!

    I can do it! Today I can..........tomorrow I might not feel so capable but for now I do.

    Thanks again!
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  • Never, ever give up on your dream. Accept the fact that it may take a little longer than you anticipated, but you CAN do it!
  • I had my 2 level back fusion this past summer. I thought the total knee replacement was bad, but compared it was a breeze. I am back at school now. I had retired from the classroom, but now I am the In-School Suspension teacher. I take 1/2 Vicodin in the morning, 1/2 Vicodin about lunch (sometimes earlier and sometimes later), then I take a whole one when school is out. Also use my beloved TENS unit and my PolarCare for icing when I get home.

    Not what I had invisioned, but reality does sometime suck.
    If you decide you can't do the classroom at the lower level, you can use your degree and do computer classes - we never have enough teachers for them OR the district may have another position you can do. DON'T GIVE UP!

    Schools not only have handicapped students they are good for handicapped teachers! and are generally more sympathetic.

    Keep checking back in with all us spineys - we are a good- been there, done that OR going to be there and do that group.
  • In a way, I feel the same--like I have spent all this time and money on education, and I don't know how I am ever going to work.

    At 21, I have 5 credits left to get my BA in psychology, which I have had to put on hold because I can't afford it at the moment, and can't sit through a class for more than 15 minutes.

    I really wanted to pursue a career in nursing, pediatric oncology to be exact. But, even though I still am going to try to push my way through nursing school, I still have the fear in the back of my mind that it's going to make everything worse. or that I won't be able to even make it throught nursing school since I can't sit or stand for longer than 15 minutes. ~X(

    I guess we just have to push through the pain at some point, and just reach our goals. But there are days when I can't even imagine life with a normal career.

    I wish you luck eajoseph.
  • Today I'm feeling low. I've been stopped dead in my tracks a couple of times due to sharp pain in my hips. I'm hoping it will be better tomorrow.

    I appreciate your votes of confidence and words of encouragement.

    I see my PM on Wednesday and will talk to him about it. Plus I have a scheduled call with my mentor for school this week. She knows what's going on and am hoping she can help me figure this out too.

    Thanks again. I'll keep you posted.

    May we all be pain free one day.....soon.

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