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A little emotional

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:24 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
I had my collar off for awhile and I was looking in the mirror at the incision to make sure there was no infection (the strips still haven't fallen off). While I was looking I noticed something. I can hold my head completely up now. I mean to the point that I have no double chin. Maybe it's all the alone time but...I almost started crying. I had started noticing in the past few months that I had a tendency to tilt my head down and to the right most of the time. I tried to remember to lift it up but you know how that is....I think you just get into a habit of holding it a certain way to avoid the pain and it becomes a part of you. I can lift my head straight up now. A part of me wants to cry to because...it's such bullshit that a person ever has to get to this point simply because its easier for a dr to throw drugs at a problem. This was preventable. This was fixable 8 years ago. I hope that someday that thought stops making me so angry. For now...I think I'm going to go look at myself in the mirror some more and be grateful for the little things in life that I still have.


  • That was so good to read all of the emotions in your post..from happy to anger,excitement,and even surprise~~at least that's what I felt reading it.My favorite part was when you said:
    Sarahsphotos said:
    ...I think I'm going to go look at myself in the mirror some more and be grateful for the little things in life that I still have.
    Sometimes I think that's all we can do.I think you will get over the anger..if you still look for the little things in life you are already on your way(IMO)..You will come to that point.I'm glad that you can hold your head up! :)

  • I'm glad you've improved since surgery. Suffering so long takes a toll on your system. I hope you continue healing well. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
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  • I am so happy for you, pleased you have spotted an positive and also share your frustartions with the "medical world"

    Pain as we all know can not be seen. Can be devasating to the sufferer and the family.

    So often ppl like us are left. Perhaps we never moaned enough or loud enough. I do not think i was taken seriously. I remember one doctors visit when i saw the veil of blank fall on the face of the doctor and i knew I was "blah, blah blah" - he never listened to a word.

    First steps in getting your life back, way to go! O:)
  • I to got the blank veil....way more than I should have. I even had one dr tell me to "keep a diary of what you eat." Now how does what I eat cause me to feel excruciating pain in my neck and weakness in my arms and legs? I realize now to that I probably gave up on some dr's to soon. I know now that there is a process they have to go through to, but I think they should know it's a very frustrating process.
  • I told him if he ever REALLY wants to know what people think stop asking them during office visits and start reading these posts. I can't imagine being in pain as long as you have but now you probably appreciate even more than I do something as simple as lifting your head. Good for you. Hug yourself while you're in there too. You deserve it.
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  • :))) Thanks Tonya. LOL is it to much that I've been taking off the collar and admiring my neck in the mirror everytime I'm in the bathroom. You know what's really sad is that before the surgery....I was on so many drugs for so many symptoms. At one point I was taking 26 pills a day. Last night was the first time in 2 weeks I needed something stronger than an OTC tylenol. My head is clear and for the first time in a long time I feel like I have the energy to make it through the day. People don't realize what an effort it becomes to just do simple tasks when you have spinal problems. The effort to do just mundane every day tasks drains you. Thank God I finally found a dr who listened. Sadly, he retired last friday. I hope his partner is as wonderful and compassionate as he was.
  • I think I've just found a new mission in life. I read so many posts like yours and I just find myself dumbfounded about how much punishment a body can take. 26 pills a day? Really? That should have lead some doctor to do something fast. I went through all of this back some time ago when I was having heart trouble. Went from doctor to doctor. Test after test and nothing. Then I find this one doctor out of 20 who says "Do you know there's a hole in your heart?" Then suggested a fix for it. Why didn't the 20 other doctors think that was significant enough to even consider why my heart went wild every time I would lay down on my left side? I mean after all they were all cardiologists. But they say that medicine is much an art as it is a science. If that's the case I want the best darn artist you can find in a hospital. :)
  • Not 26 different meds....it added up to 26 pills a day between the pain killers, muscle relaxants, and anti-inflammatory meds. Add in the prevacid for the stomach problems caused by the meds, the immitrex for the migraines caused by who knows what. I cannot even express in words how much my life has changed with the surgery. I look forward to getting out of bed every morning now simply because it's a reminder that there is no more pain. Morning before was met with such pain just trying to lift my head off the pillow.
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