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the loss of an old life



  • I like your last line....it says it all. Thanks for that.

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,522
    hi dawniee,

    i've read your post and all the other replies and as you can see many of us have been in your shoes.
    dealing with chronic pain is one of the more difficult situations we have to deal with. i think folks with chronic spinal pain has it more difficult. i am not saying that someone suffering from copd, terminal cancer, etc does not have the same thoughts, but with spinal patients most of the time, you cant see that there are hurting. you get all those "you look good today" statements and they can drive you crazy. so besides having to deal with the physical pain, we also have to deal with the emotional pain.

    but never, never let that stop you from moving on. life is way to short and precious to allow anything to get in the way. sure, having some medical problems may put a twist in things, make you have alter some courses, etc. but it is in your control, no one elses.

    when i first realized that i could no longer do the things i loved to do, i just said "what the heck, what is it worth anymore" then i realized, that i had to change, i had to look at life differently. i started to come up with things that i could do and that i love to do. over the years i have gotten involved with so many worthwhile activities, many which i dont know if i would have been involved if i didnt have chronic pain.

    today, i go on every day knowing that i will never be what i was years ago... but you know what, i like what i am today even with the pain. you find ways... you will
    and there will be times when you do feel despair and feel like giving up... thats normal. just never let the dark side of our lives get the best of you.
    spine-health offers a support system for everyone. so, please you can rant and rave, you can cry, you can shout.. people here understand. and if you ever need to do something offline, feel free to send me a message or send me an email.

    please take a look at:
    many people responded to that topic i created, so you know you are not by yourself

    please do take good care of yourself
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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  • I don't know what else to add, other than I understand and relate to you. Last night for some reason I felt emotional and told my husband that I wanted to get life insurance on myself, so that I wouldn't burden him with my mounting medical expenses. I guess I was feeling a bit morbid and saw no end to this suffering. I don't know what the future has in store for me, and I believe that everyone here has some fear about it- I know I do.
    All we can do is live life day to day and take baby steps. Even though we aren't the same physically, we are the same person in our hearts and minds. >:D< >:D< >:D<
  • I recently got more life insurance recently for exactly the reasons you talk about.
  • I've been thinking about life insurance a LOT since the day I was diagnosed with cancer (June 2003). It's a shame really that it takes something big like pain, cancer, etc. to make us realize we should probably be responsible and get some, huh? I still don't have any tho, only because I can't afford it (I do have a policy on each of my boys), but it's definitely on my "someday list". I worry all the time about what would happen if something happened to me-who would be stuck paying the bill? For that reason I've told my 'rents that if I still don't have life insurance by the time I do die (if they're still around) not to bother with a funeral, burial, etc. Just have me cremated and let the kids fight over who "gets me" (as in my ashes).

    The REALLY messed up part is, when I was a child my 'rents did take out a policy on me. They paid the premiums until I married (at age 17-DUMB DUMB DUMB) then the responsibility became mine. Due to my controlling 1st husband, my policy was forced to lapse, so I lost it-my folks paid all those years for nothing! I really regret letting the jackhole push me around on that (well on everything).

    Now that I'm a cancer survivor, I know it's going to be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for me to get a life insurance policy in the future-that's a scary thought. I don't want to burden my children (or my 'rents if that's the case) with that so it's a huge priority for me to get it figured out as soon as I realistically can.

    So no you're not alone in your thinking along these lines...

    Chin up hun!
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  • We tried to get a policy last year, and because I had been treated for mild depression and anxiety, I filled out a zillion forms and they denied my application....grrrrr!!!!
  • Dawniee every word you have written I am feeling, and it gut wrenching. I have 25 years service working with difficult teenagers and my life is now ruined by pain. I have given up the idea it will end, and its so hopeless at times. I have a loving partner too, a saint and the love of my life. The loss I have is extreme because I had it all, and now I have nothing I just inhabit this body of pain and many times I just dont want to be here. Other times its manageable but not a life that I recognise or want. I have to find my own way now I realise like you there arent people out there who understand the all consuming world of pain we inhabit Hang on to you, you are more than your pain. I wil try to do the same all the best Maz
  • Hi Dawnee I have had a very big cry and am reading a book called Ask and it is Given hoping to get amore spiritual perspective!! Hope you are having a good day

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