Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

The main site has all the formal medical articles and videos for you to research on.

Dear Family

ernurseeernurse Posts: 771
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:26 AM in Matters of the Heart
This is from the last SH site, not my creation, wish I could take credit because it is excellent. I think maybe Tracey posted it???? I sent it to my family.


1. People with chronic pain seem unreliable (we can't count on ourselves). When feeling better we promise things (and mean it); when in serious pain, we may not even show up.

2. An action or situation may result in pain several hours later, or even the next day. Delayed pain is confusing to people who have never experienced it.

3. Pain can inhibit listening and other communication skills. It's like having someone shouting at you, or trying to talk with a fire alarm going off in the room. The effect of pain on the mind can seem like attention deficit disorder. So you may have to repeat a request, or write things down for a person with chronic pain. Don't take it personally, or think that they are stupid.

4. The senses can overload while in pain. For example, noises that wouldn't normally bother you seem too much.

5. Patience may seem short. We can't wait in a long line; can't wait for a long drawn out conversation.

6. Don't always ask "how are you" unless you are genuinely prepared to listen; it just points attention inward.

7. Pain can sometimes trigger psychological disabilities (usually very temporary). When in pain, a small task, like hanging out the laundry, can seem like a huge wall, too high to climb over. An hour later the same job may be quite OK. It is sane to be depressed occasionally when you hurt.

8. Pain can come on fairly quickly and unexpectedly. Pain sometimes abates after a short rest. Chronic pain people appear to arrive and fade unpredictably to others.

9. Knowing where a refuge is, such as a couch, a bed, or comfortable chair, is as important as knowing where a bathroom is. A visit is much more enjoyable if the chronic pain person knows there is a refuge if needed. A person with chronic pain may not want to go anywhere that has no refuge (e.g. no place to sit or lie down).

10. Small acts of kindness can seem like huge acts of mercy to a person in pain. Your offer of a pillow or a cup of tea can be a really big thing to a person who is feeling temporarily helpless in the face of encroaching pain.

11. Not all pain is easy to locate or describe. Sometimes there is a body-wide feeling of discomfort, with hard to describe pains in the entire back, or in both legs, but not in one particular spot you can point to. Our vocabulary for pain is very limited, compared to the body's ability to feel varieties of discomfort.

12. We may not have a good "reason" for the pain. Medical science is still limited in its understanding of pain. Many people have pain that is not yet classified by doctors as an officially recognized "disease". That does not reduce the pain, - it only reduces our ability to give it a label, and to have you believe us.



  • Thank you for finding this for us to read. The tip about not wanting to go somewhere without a refuge really describes me. I always have to think ahead like that, because I don't want to be stuck and be miserable while I'm out. Thankfully family and friends are very accommodating and I feel at ease. However, I can't help but feel like I'm imposing, but I know I can't help it O:)
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 11,348
    are like the 12 Days of Christmas or any other Holiday,
    Very simple, but yet they make so much sense.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • advertisement
  • Thanks ERNURSE for reposting this, it is very good to pass to our friends and family that don't have a good understanding and want to help.
    Number 11 is the one that talks about not being able to describe our pain that is the one I sure have trouble with even as the person in pain. I find it hard to understand why I cannot descibe my pain. It is good to know others have trouble decribing their pain too. Thanks again. :H
  • thanks 4 reposting
    hope ur well
    marthara xox

  • I have only just seen and read this.

    It is so representative of how I feel.

    I wish I could give a copy of it to my boss at work. She is giving me a really hard time at the moment and has no understanding (or even seems to care) of how I struggle. I know that she would be annoyed if I gave this to her.
  • advertisement
  • Thank you for posting this :hug:

    My brain is so tired any more as I am always having to think about every move I make - should I bend over, can I walk the distance or find a spot closer, can I take a shower with no one home today, can I get out of that chair once I am down and on and on it goes.

    I share this as I think that due to so much thinking many of us have to do is the cause (along with pain and other issues) of our short tempers and such.
    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
Sign In or Register to comment.