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Typing thru the tears, in so much pain....no more dress shoes!

MingMMing Posts: 1,127
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:28 AM in Chronic Pain
I am trying to type through the tears right now because I am in so much pain right now. I am so upset at myself. I've been more inactive due to increased pain levels lately. Hubby asked if I would like to go out to dinner so I decided to dress nice cuz he and I only see me in sweat pants and big cotton tshirts. I put on my black 1inch healed shoes and was off. By the time I got home I was in tears.

The spasms are getting unbearable. I took my dose of MsContin, flexeril and then I took my BT of vicoprofen. Although the EMG shows no evidence of nerve damage, how does that explain the excrutiating pain in my upper butt, hip and all the way down to my feet?!

I just wish someone would step up and take the responsibilty to be my doctor and do what ever is needed to make me feel comfortable instead of sitting here wondering if I will even be able to get another oponion. I am waiting for a team of neurosurgeon's to review my med files to see if any of them will take me on as a patient. I guess docs are skeptical when you've had back surgery already. I only wished I had gotten a second or third opinion before doing surgery.

Could this still be nerves healing at 7 months post op L5/S1 fusion? I read somewhere that it could take as long for the nerves to heal by as long as it was that the nerve was being pinched. Well in my case, I don't know if my nerves were pinched or not but I've had back problems all my life. So best case scenario I'm lookin at 7 years, worst case scenario 31 yrs. That's a long time to be feeling this way.

I'm 31 years old and I just want to play with my kids like I did. I want to walk miles and miles at a time just to get some fresh air and enjoy nature.

I will stop feeling sorry for myself now as I know there are others that are far worse than me. Zach, is the first one to come to mind. He is so strong and such a fighter. I need to follow by his example and just realize everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for me. I really wish it wasn't being in pain but I have to take what he gives me and keep my chin up and keep going no matter how bad it hurt.

Thanks for listening. I could use any prayers you may have for me at this point.


  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    Now lets look at the positive here Michelle, you got all dressed up and I'm sure your hubby was proud of how nice you looked with you at his side. The fact you made it out for an evening is a good thing.
    Nerve pain is indeed crazy with no two people being affected the same. After
    18 months since my fusion I still seem to be healing but I also have permanent nerve damage which is not painful, just tingling/numbness.
    I've read a lot of your posts on this site and you have done a lot for others here with your support. I hope you know how many are here to return the favor and give you the same support.
    Take care and I wish you the best!
  • I will certainly offer prayers for relief of pain, and continued healing. I totally understand not being able to wear heels. Haven't been able to do that for about 4 years now. I have been known to wear them to church, but wear slippers in car, change for church, then back to slippers (or flats) I guess if that's the worst that happens, we can live with it :D Take care, and hope you get some relief from your meds soon.

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  • Thank you Ranger. It really helps me to break out of my shell and dress up nice and get out of the house. It just sucks that I have to suffer for it. I feel like a slob most of the time cuz I'm in my "active wear" all the time with slippers and surrounded by pillows. Not very sexy so I thought I would go out of my way and do my hair, make up and some dress slacks and sweater.

    Funny thing is....EMG says no evidence of nerve damage but why am I having nerve damage symptoms?

    You are right...I should be looking on the bright side. At least I was able to get dressed and go out for dinner even if it caused me pain. I try not to get down like this cuz I know there are others worse than me. I am sure that Zach or anyone else having a hard time right now would give anything to dress up nicely, no tubes attached and take the spouse out for a nice dinner.

    Thanks for you support.
  • Thanks for the prayers Maggie. I usually bring my sneakers or slippers too but I didn't think I would need them cuz I knew we weren't going to be gone long.
  • Sorry to hear that you are still hurting so bad. I like you hang out in my sweats and it does get old. I try to dress up to go out, but shoes always are a problem. But hopefully, we will get beyond that soon. Prayers are with you. Take care.
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  • Ming,

    I'm new around here but have read a lot of your post & I really feel for you. I wish I had the answer, but of course I don't. Just hang in there girl & I hope your pain goes away soon. I hope all goes well for you.

    Hugs, Janis
  • I did the same thing last year. Went to a wedding with hubby with all his college friends and tried so hard to be "normal". Well, definitely stayed too long and when it hit, it hit. The last thing all his friends saw was me hightailing it out of there as I started bawling. They didn't know what happened and ran out to hug us goodbye. I was just trying to get to the car and hide my crying.

    They caught us and hugged me, blubbering and all, and promised to pray that I got my SCS. That was last May and I got it Jan. 5th. Took much longer than I thought.

    You know I'm praying for you and the best doctor to come into our life. I'm hoping one of those neurosurgeons will be the one that will help you figure this out. My life didn't change until neurosurgeons got involved. The orthopedic docs (2, did the first 2 surgeries), just messed me up. Personal experience, of course, but I am a big fan of neurosurgeons when you think you have nerve issues.

    Take care,

  • hi ming
    its horrible being in pain all the time .but i also know how bad it is when you have to live in sweat pant and baggy tee shirts too.i myself carnt stand anything on my legs due to nerve burn so i wear sweat shorts all year round/and as for shoes .again i carnt stand anything on my right foot so the only thing i can wear is CROCS .so as a woman i feel for you wanting to get dressed up .luckily as a man i can get away with causal ware a bit easier.i could not do with restrictive clothing make up and long hair //it must be a nightmare trying to keep up female appearance when you are in pain.i hope things improve for you soon
  • When we have 'one of those days' it's terrible,and I believe everything is multiplied because of our CP.You came to the right place,though I'm sure you knew that.Every single one of us can empathise.

    Michael & I went out Thursday-nothing fancy-just Appleby's,but I wore my sandals (lol).Not that it mattered,later that night I was in tears for a couple hours.Not the cute tears either Ming,this was the UGLY as hell face bawling....I simply lost control.Poor Michael-he told me later that he has never seen me like that,and that I really scared him.My pain/concerns got the best of me and I simply broke down as I never had before.

    I haven't worn heels in 25 years and I never will again,but I've had time to grieve that part of my life.

    I've said a prayer for you,but HE doesn't always answer our prayers the way that we expect or in the time that we would like.HE does it HIS way.

  • Hi Ming, I have never had a EMG that showed correct results! I've had MANY, like one MRI showed pinched nerve at L4-5, EMG showed it at L5/S1. I dragged my leg around for 3 1/2 years, had a fragment wrapped up in a nerve(unseen on MRI) At that time EMG's showed no damage, but I had them all lying down. Maybe you should ask for a standing EMG, some people have had luck with this after having a "normal" EMG. Just wanted you to know these tests aren't always right, I have permanent nerve damage as a result. I finally found a Dr. who would do an exploratory surgery, that's the only reason I can walk today. You must fight for yourself, you know your body better than anyone. Have you had a MRI since your fusion? I can relate to the shoe thing, I've worn flats for years and they sure don't look great with a skirt. I feel for you Ming, every little thing I do flares me up too, it can be so frustrating. My Dr. waited until 1 year after fusion surgery to confirm permanent nerve damage. Some wait 2 years. I'm saying a prayer for you and I hope you're feeling a bit better.

    Keep Hope,
    Faith M
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