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FEARS - What are they?

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,584
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:42 AM in New Member Introductions
I know just by reading so many posts over the years and having to deal with my own medical condition, that fear is a one that strikes a chord many times.

You know by reading my posts, that I believe very strongly in how much a positive attitude and approach can help you.

Put that aside, What are your Fears?

I know over the years I have had many

1 - Would I be worse after surgery?
2 - Just what would I need to give up after surgery?
3 - Will I make it out of surgery?
4 - Can I resume a normal life?
5 - Will my loved ones support me?
6 - Just how will I be 10, 20 years from now?
7 - No doctor believes me
8 - I dont want surgery, what can I do?
9 - Can I return to my old job duties?

10 - ??? What are yours?
Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 


  • Ron,
    It is only natural that anyone venturing into this imposed future would be fearful of what might happen, we are all looking for that illusive answers that for many are impossible to project, it is understandable that we imagine what may happen, the key things is not to let those difficult time and periodic failure overtake the success we have.

    In reviewing what might happen our mind can extrapolate these known things as a measure of the future, it was suggested recently that positive people have parameters of these reasonable “what if “ questions.

    Our PM attempted for us to give some relevance to our inner thoughts and define them and a mythical parrot on our shoulder, this then gave us the opportunity to evaluate all those inner thoughts of what might happen in reality, intervene in that thought process and change the perceived outcome, a duel with oneself.

    Ron’s list is good in that is asks us to communicate those fears and in doing so we gain some ownership and vocalise what may be going on inside our heads that we all need proportionate help with as some time. Even with much experience I know getting it out is better than allowing it to fester and grow from within that can become so debilitating over time. Our minds understandably illuminate our inner fears and we need constant attention to not allowing them to grow bigger than they need, the reality is sometime sufficient.

    Anyone arriving here has this list of fears and many more, they can be very personal and it is important that we find some positive response in how true they might be in our future before they become unmanageable overwhelming and restrictive. Perhaps if we do write them down we can evaluate what element of truth was in any of these thoughts over time and how we overcame each one and the success we have.

    Many here survive chronic pain every day and in doing so having nothing to fear, they can achieve fantastic things, they just do not know or believe it yet.

    I have overcome many of my own fears and marched forward towards continuing improvement, adapted well to imposed change and restriction, I have faced them head on and won. I have accepted with a small a, my destiny, more tears of joy than disappointment from a challenging life so far.

    The light we have is within.

    Take care.


  • This is one of my favorite quotes. I have printed it out and leave it at my bedside to read occasionally when I'm living my life based on fear.

    Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future,
    concentrate the mind on the present moment.

    Best to all,

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  • I have many fears as well

    Will I become totally disabled if I do not receive the recommended surgery?
    Will the meds I'm taking cause liver failure after so many years?
    Will my doctor end up refusing to prescribe me meds being that I refuse the surgery?
    Some days I can hardly walk standing up straight, what will it be like in 30 years when I am 62?
    We want more children, how can I carry a baby and also will my meds affect the baby?
    Will my husband get tired of living with my disabilities and leave me?
    Will my children miss out on things as they get older due to my inability to go, go ,go!?
    I have soooo many fears and never any answers, I have been sad, and down for years over this and my back is not going to get any better....what am I to do?

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,584
    patients face. It also seems that many people face these fears and more without the support of doctors and family.

    The only way to approach a fear is to better understand it. So, many of your questions are the ones that doctors can answer for you right now with a high degree of certainty, And then there are some, they many times lie in your hands.

    - What will happen if you DONT have the surgery. That is something your doctor can and should answer.
    Sometimes when there is potential nerve damage involved, it is harder to predict the final results.
    But that should be in regards to nerve pain and not the actual disc surgery

    - Liver damage? Thats why my pain management doctor has me going in for blood work every 60 days. She specifically checks liver function results. Based on results, she may alter some of my medications.

    - I do know that some doctors will refuse to prescribe medication for patients who are non-compliant with the recommended action plans.
    However, unless Surgery is the ONLY option, I could not see any doctor refusing this as long as you went along with the other recommended treatments

    - I had my first back problem when I was around 15.
    First Lumbar surgery at 28, Now I am approaching 60, seven spinal surgeries later. Has this caused me to miss on certain things? Yes, Has it slowed me down? Yes, Is it harder to get around? Yes. But trust me when you start to deal with chronic pain, you find ways on how to manage it. We may never beat chronic pain, but at the same time, we can never allow chronic pain to beat us.

    - Future children? I wish I could provide more here. But again, your doctors should be able to give you more insight to this, especially regarding potential impacts of medications

    - I think spouses might walk away from the other's life for many other reasons. As long as their is love and open two way communications, marriages should last. Living with chronic pain is not only the patients hardship, its the entire families as well.

    - I found that my children accepted some of my spinal problems better than I did. Even at early ages, they always tried to 'protect' me and not allow me to do things I shouldnt. Now they are adults and still protect their Dad!

    Faith, your name alone is a word that you can use every day. Faith in yourself, the people that surround you. Always ask questions, over and over until you get answers. They may not always be the answers you want to hear, but you need to know.

    And most importantly, keep a strong positive attitude through all of this. Dealing with spinal problems, spinal surgeries and more can be very draining. Its so easy to give up, throw in the towel and just let things happend the way pain wants it to.

    Instead, become a fighter. Always do the things you need to do to keep your spine as healthy as possible. Even after spinal surgery, you can do so much. But it is so important to adhere to all
    restrictions and limitations.

    I know, I didnt, and I also know that IF I did pay
    more attention when I was younger, I wouldnt be having some of the problems I have today.

    Take care and be well

    Always know that this Spine-Health community is filled with members who understand what you are going through, understand your fears and will be there to offer support.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • Was the sum of my inexperience with the unknown. I didnt know, I had not experienced inability before.
    It was fear until I tempered it with intellectual and emtional assesment.
    I took a realistic and honest look at what I was fearing, and thought through the process.

    Fear, became experience through assesment and adaptation to the psychological impedimentia of ignorance of the facts,
    Ignorance is not knowing the facts
    stupidity is knowing the facts and ignoring them.

    fear is not the be all end all excuse for stopping your life.
    Fear can and is overcome through experience, but only if you let yourself go through the process.

    Fear is the noise on the other side of the door
    you can let your imagination build,contrive and deceive the rational mind.

    Fear will build and grow stronger in a feedback loop until it is too big to be overcome, you have internalized the concept.

    The only way to face the fear is to open the door.
    Be ready to face whats there
    Be willing to accept whats there
    Be able to move on when you see what it was you feared, and let it go.

    Not all can face fear in all its enslaving darkness
    fear is the doorway to self destructive behavior

    together, we can face fear and in the light of the truth can defeat the beast behind the door.
    Pain feeds on fear, it grows in proportion to it
    the more fear you have the worse pain/fear gets...
    Why feed a self destructive process.

    Be brave and truthfull and fight the dark behind the doors.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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  • as you may know i may be facing another surgery this year {the 3rd} and looking down your list ..i think that you have nailed it !! i cant think of any more but your list is very much what any pre surgery patient would ask them selves ..good list
  • Ron,
    Newbie fear has its own credentials which over time some of the corresponding answers have become clearer if not defined by restrictive capability.

    “Fear can understandably push those negative possibilities into the probability category and acts as if they were a probability” . Roet 1994.

    As a long term chronic pain patient, my own questions are still relevant and unanswered, it is not that we are asking the wrong questions, we have expectation that someone must know and that is understandable. Healthy individuals want to know what is before them, pain illuminates those apprehensions as they swirl in our cerebral desert and gather momentum.

    Even with experience we have no crystal ball into your life as you tentatively follow in our footsteps, we can but wave, smile and share a kind word and ease your plight, though shared knowledge and empathy, if we have the answer we well tell you and spare you from our own experience.

    We are evidence that this life can be endured even at its worse for some, they are brave souls, strong and giving, it all takes time.

    Take care and be kind to yourself.

    Faitheals, that was my list in 1990, how did you get that !

    John *
  • I don't have anything surgery can fix. I have arthritis and some sciatica related to the inflammation and joints that don't move properly. Yep, just arthritis. I'm only 31, a registered nurse with two young children who rely on me as the sole bread winner. How long until the disease wins? I fought a big fight to get us out of the poverty gutter and now my body, which had always been so strong, is falling apart at the seams. Will my doctors believe that the pain is as bad as I say it is? I know what psuedo-addiction is and, boy, do I fit the bill. I am always asking to see a new specialist or try a new med or test. Always asking for a different med or treatment. Two of my sisters have substance abuse issues and while I truly feel I don't (I have PAIN issues) I live in fear that others perceive me as just another drug-seeking skeeze from the trailor park. I fear as well that my diagnosis is right, that it is "just" arthritis. How can simple arthritis move from my lower back with some nerve pain thrown in for fun, to my shoulders, my hands, my feet, my hips...Some nights,like tonight, the pain is so bad that I can't sleep. When I do drift off, it is no respite. I have dreams of being kidnapped and beaten. Of slamming my hands in doors. Of people telling me they will hurt my kids if I don't agree to jump down and stairwell...The pain follows me all the way down. My only ray of hope is my babies, and some days I am not such a fun mom because I hurt and haven't slept in days.
    I have an appt with a dermatologist. My GP refused to hook me up with a rheum you see...But I am not giving up that easy. The severe and fast moving pain began at the same time as a wide-spread, scaly, red, itchy rash. The GP says it's not psoriasis. I think it is and maybe the pain is an auto-immune disease called psoriatic arthritis. This is my last hope for an answer that explains how fast I lost control of the pain and it began to control me. The sad thing is, right now, my biggest fear is how low the level is in the bottle in my purse. The GP tells me take one pill at bedtime and I have done that...and a little more. I'm a nurse and don't take more than is safe, but I can't by right now without them. I tried and it was awful. So I really hope someone will fix me soon. I don't like the pills, but, I hate the pain. I'm afraid I can't keep going on like this forever. I have to go. It took me a long time to type this and my hands hurt, but I do feel better.
  • Will my kids look back on their childhood and more than anything, remember what mom didn't/couldn't do with them?

    My 8 year old wanted me to be a chaperone for a field trip this spring: 3 hours riding on a school bus and then walking/trudging through a museum. I wanted to go, but my common sense prevailed (for once) and knew it would be too much. She was disappointed, and I just wanted to slink away and cry.

    Will my very supportive husband finally have enough and start resenting me?

    Will I be able to find a job that my physical limitations can handle?

    Will my physical limitations stop me from doing volunteer work that I want to do?

    The only answer I have is that I have my friends at Spine Health to help me get through the rough patches, and hopefully I can help others.

    Thanks Spiney family, Lisa
  • too boring to read.

    I just try to keep the hope up and the fears at bay.
    This is the best place for me to allay my fears and know that i'm not alone.

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