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all types of pain & betrayal



  • Well, we had a talk last Thursday and decided mutually that we should break-up. He told me he would need time to work out a living situation and I agreed. Things were good and civil until Sunday. He didn't come home Sat. night and I went out to breakfast with a friend. I came home to find him passed out in the middle of my living room floor. I then went into my bedroom and found that he had broken into my med box (somehow he figured out the combination) and taken 4 of my Ambien. I called his sister and told her what happened. She was resigned to the situation. While I was on the phone with her, he managed to get up and move to the sofa. I texted his friends and one was at my house by noon to pick up all of the stuff I had already packed. I took his house key and he went to work that night. Monday they came over and picked up the rest of his stuff.

    He is now very apologetic (of course). He says he has been sober now since Sunday morning. He cried before he left and actually said he was sorry. That meant a lot but I guess time will tell what he chooses to do now...I just told him that he deserved to treat himself better.

    I thank you all for your comments and support. Its been a rough week.
  • Hello Farmgrrl,
    Just reading your story,so sorry for your stress in this,it can be more debilitating than physical pain. If you have the time,reading the book Co-Dependent No More and doing some research regarding passive/aggressive men ,will be very enlightening for you. Like they say,"knowledge is power".
    I hope he doesn't wear you down...men like him are masters of chaos,manipulation,and betrayal. I hope things get better for you.
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  • I followed your advice and bought the book yesterday. I spoke to my brother's ex-wife today and she recommended it to me and I was was happy to tell her I already bought it! Thank you for your support, my next step is Al-Anon...that's going to be the hard part.

    He's been OK though it seemed like he was holding out hope that we'd be able to work this out in the future. I found out this weekend that he's now planning on moving out of state to try for a fresh start.
  • Sorry that you are dealing with all this at a time when you are not at your best, and need to physically get yourself healthier.
    Dealing with and alcoholic and addict is never easy. I just wanted to add that so many try and leave to another place, be another town, or state or country. The problem is is that where ever he/she goes they always bring themselves, So until they A) don't die..B) Get into rehab and help and stay clean and sober. .. ( hagland is right the numbers are not great for recovery, however it is possible) C) or end up in jail.
    You cannot cure him and you did not cause this either.

    So be gentle and kind to yourself. As all the others have said you do deserve better.

  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 1,033
    hey Farmgrrl,
    Been following this post for a while and finally had to add my two cents for whatever it's worth. You have so much going on with your personal health and that is what is most important. Your boyfriend is too self-centered to realize what he is losing. You have gone above and beyond to try and save this relationship with no help from him. It's time to move on, like others have said here, you deserve so much better. Your career was giving help to others in need and you will never know how many positive ways you have touched others lives out there. Now it's time for you to receive that same support.
    I know that special person is out there Farmgrrl and hope only the best for you.
    Take care,
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  • I have to say that I think you should have him out of your home ASAP, esp after that last stunt he pulled. I hope you called EMS and had him taken to the hospital to have his stomach pumped out. That is one experience he will never forget and it will also save his life.

    If there is a will, there is a way...if you hide your meds on the moon he will get to them. I'm sure he has a friend's couch to crash on. This whole situation will only hinder your back surgery recovery. You can't involve yourself in helping your BF if you are still not healed. You need to take care of YOU FIRST. You shouldn't have to stress yourself out over hiding meds in YOUR OWN HOME. Your boyfriend has a serious problem that needs professional help.

    Don't accept apologies anymore, tell him to go to rehab first, complete the program, and then you both can talk later. There will be relapses, this is normal but the person just has to pick up where they left off and keep going in the right direction.

    Hang in there, take care of yourself most importantly, and hope for the best. Hugs, Meydey
  • hey farmgrrl,
    be very careful with this guy it sounds like he is only out for himself. Did you find another job and did they get rid of you due to missin work from surgery? I hope that isnt the case cuz that is screwed up.I hope everything works out ill keep u in my prayers.
  • I went through the same thing w/ my husband which I've now been separated from since last August. In the begining I had no clue he was stealing my meds. Funny thing is he was going and buying more to replace mine so I wouldn't find out. Skip a couple of months and I finally found out by being my own private eye...looked through everything and found most of the info on his phone and starting calling the numbers...he finally went to rehab and said he was never going to do that again. Well, last year we both got laid off from work and started to college when I started noticing that as soon as he got home he would pass out, I mean drooling and falling out of the recliner pass out...then I knew. I had to give myself a break so I took my child and myself to stay w/ family members far away from home so I could process. A week later I had made up my mind and on my way home. As soon as I got home I had a talk w/ him and told him that I love him but I couldn't live like this. I still love him and talk to him every now and then and would go back to him if I was positive he was straight but I know he isn't. It's very hard when you heart tells you one thing and your gut tells you something else. I have found my gut never leads me in the wrong direction even if it hurts, and it does. Good luck and just listen to your gut feeling.
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