Boy do I understand the frustration I have been reading in all of your posts. I have had fibromyalgia for over 16 years, but the increased pain I am having now is something else. I still have not heard from my doctor about my MRI that I had done the day before Thanksgiving. During the past two months I feel "I" am gone and "Pain" took over. And pain is mean and has meltdowns when something does not go its way.
First our State Teacher Retirement insurance changed our insurance coverage for prescriptions and my meds will cost me all most double, my biest they won't even cover. I tried to call this company so I would know which meds were or were not on their list and if my particular pharmacies are their list and they said they could not tell me that till I am officially a member Jan. 1. Pain took over and I cried and ranted and raved. Then I wrote to our retirement system and complained and within two days had a manager from that insurance company call, apologizing and she was very nice and gave me all the info I needed.
Next, they took away my darvocet, the only pain medicine that does not make me sick. I wrote an email to the FDA ranting and raving about this and they sent me a reply saying it affects the heart- and like why has it been on the market for 50 years and now when it is cheap they say it hurts the heart? I took it as a teenage for cramps 45 years ago and had no problems and have used it off and on for the past 15 years for pain with no problems. I think by my second reply convinced the FDA that I am a lunatic so I got no reply.
The final straw was yesterday. I got my eyes measured for my cataract surgery sceduled for Dec. 9 and 16. The nurse said she was checking my formulary list before calling in the 3 different drops I would have to use before each surgery then for a couple of weeks after each one some 4 times a day which freaked me out to begin with. When I got to the pharmacy and they told me those 3 tiny bottles of drops were $112, I lost it. I was not going to take them and wanted to call the doctor back today and get a different med from my list, but my husband, fearing I was making a scene, insisted on paying for them with our credit card. I cried and ranted all the way home- I think I am a lunatic at this point. When we got home I threw the meds on the table and one landed on the floor and I stormed into another room. I later took my blood pressure which is normally 120/79 and it was 184/104. When I get mad my whole body and everything in it goes along for the ride.
I decided to cancel the surgery for Dec.16 on my right eye as it is not that bad, but I have to do the one next Thursday as it is really bad. I refuse to refill the $78 and $30 copay meds since there are at least 8 other anti-infectives and anti-inflammatory meds for eyes that are on my list. And with this fibro fog to have to put all these drops in both eyes, waiting 5 minutes between each one would drive me insane! I am having 12 people here for Christmas dinner and can't be messing with all those drops! I should have been able to react to thses things in a calm and rational way, but me the pain took over and did all the ranting and raving.
I keep a prayer journal and when these anxiety attacks happen, I can't even pray and that is really scary. I know God understands, but it just adds to my guilt and sadness. I want me back. I don't want this life, I want my former life back. I delt with the fibro well for 16 years till now with only a few meltdowns. I have always been a very emotional person- I even cried when Mary Poppins left with the west wind and ET went home for goodness sake- and it made me a very caring and empathetic teacher for 30 years. But this new me is just not cuttin it.
There, done venting and sorry it was so long. God bless you all who take the time to read the ramblings of this once sane and almost rational woman.
sue in ohio