I'm so disappointed and angry with myself. I've been up since 3.30am and have just taken some more medication and will go and lie down soon to try and help ease the back pain.
This is getting ridiculous. I recently went back to work on a phased return. This is the FIRST week I'm supposed to be working my full 37 hours, and I feel like I've failed the test.
I've just sent an email to my surgeon's secretary. I'm having spine injections next Thursday and have asked her to put a message in my notes to ask the surgeon if he can inject my left sacro-iliac joint while I'm there having my right side done anyway. It seems like a good idea, but of course, I don't know if they will agree to this. In January, when I went for my review appointment, my left side wasn't causing me problems back then - but it's been just as painful these last few weeks as the right side.
For those of you who have followed my work situation - you will know that I have done and tried everything to keep my job. We've gone back and forth to the Occupational Health doctor, had a case conference (that was more like an inquisition if I'm honest and quite a scary experience) and welfare meetings etc. This is the second attempt at my phased return.
I still feel like my manager is trying to get rid of me, I shall explain (if you've got a few minutes to sit and read it).........
I am now timetabled each week to visit mums at home and work with them and their babies/toddlers to provide them with sign language skills (and, by the way, I am NOT a teacher!!!). Anyway, I have also been given the duty of attending the baby/toddler group. I was asked this week if I could visit ANOTHER mum, as well as give lessons to a group of staff who work in a nursery. At the moment, I visit 3 mums and the toddler group.
These duties were NOT part of my role when I had surgery last July. This was something that I first found out about in January (at my case conference of all places!). In the past, from what I understand and have heard through the grapevine, working with these mums/babies/nursery etc. was part of someone else's role, but it seems she has been overworked and stressed out with the amount of work she has to do. To help her, they have taken these duties away from her and given them to me. Well, thanks!!!!
Having a bad back and trying to recover from surgery is enough to cope with at the best of times, without having to work ON THE FLOOR so I'm at toddler level, bending over alot of the time, sitting on sofa's that are way too low in people's homes, that it's now having a negative impact on my own health and job! I could scream GGGRRRAAGGH!!!!
On Wednesday this week everything got to me, I felt overwhelmed - 'cos of the back pain, lack of sleep and a thumping headache that made me feel sick! Earlier I had taken extra morphine liquid to help ease the pain, but all it did was make me feel extremely tired and gave me that sickly headache. What did I do? I got upset in front of everyone and that made me even more angry with myself (I do not do those sort of things). I sent an email to my manager to ask that when I was next at her school, could I have a few minutes to talk to her privately - I didn't say why though. She replied that I could see her today at 3pm, so it's not going to happen now cos I'm not there. I wanted her to know what was happening BEFORE I tell the Occupational Health doctor next week. I do try to do the right things.
Mind you, the good thing is that I've got these injections scheduled for next week, so I'm totally relying on them to sort me out and get rid of all my pain (finger's crossed). As I said above, I'm also booked to see my Occupational Health doctor from work next Tuesday, so I can explain what's going on to him, AND I have been put in touch with our Quality & Diversity Manager (I didn't even know we had one) who has kindly agreed to meet me in a couple of weeks. I have asked him if I can chat to him 'off the record' as I don't want anything we say to affect my job, of course.
So, there you have it, the current instalment in my back story. I was thinking perhaps I may take up woodwork - why you ask? - cos the way things are going at work, I might as well start building my own coffin cos that's where I think my Manager is trying to relocate me to, ha!!!
Any words of wisdom from anyone would be very much appreciated. I'm off to lie down, see ya ..............
2 x Microdiscectomy 2005 / PLIFusion 2-level 2010 / revision surgery 2011 / NEVRO Senza spinal cord stimulator implanted February 2013. I WILL NOT GIVE IN / UP !!