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How depressing!!! Is this what life has become???



  • Well, starting that new thing that causes anxiety or stress is probably a lot of what (at least in my case) causes us to put things off, after all, starting something new or just pushing ourselves can be exhausting day after day. It probably is best to just do whatever it is, instead of thinking about it-and that is what I find to be the most difficult sometimes.. but we gotta keep trying.

    I do get overly sensitive if (when) I think about it too much. Turning it off can be a challenge mentally.
  • I hear what you are saying but that was my point, I know exactly how I sound and want to be more considerate to not just talk about it all the time.

    I did not mean to sound like I never do anything, me and my husband do something every weekend. I also take care of the normal everyday things. It is just that in the day to day things nothing is interesting me that I used to do, except for my grand baby who I drove two hours yesterday to go see and he is the highlight of my life! When I say I do not feel like doing anything I meant like Scrapbooking, or gardening, or shopping. You know those extra things that bring you joy.

    As for these boards they have been really helping me feel like I am not alone in all of this, In fact I have been in chronic pain for years and recently just came to these boards to find support and others who could relate. :)

    I do understand where you are coming from and that talking about pain all the time makes you think about it more. I never thought of that so I will think about that when I am trying not to talk about it all the time. :) Thanks
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  • I'm sure we all go through this feeling of 'uselessness' - I know I do!!!

    This back pain is sometimes so all consuming that it affects every little thing you do. Like this morning, for instance, all I did was the hoovering for goodness sake. Admitedly I had spine injections yesterday and I suppose I'm a bit sore after those, but I did not expect my stupid back pain to come back so soon. I expected the pain to at least disappear for a while after all the anaesthetic/steroids was pumped into it yesterday.

    It does bring you down. It does make you so fed up with your own self, that you just know nobody else wants to hear about it either. If I was my husband, I wouldn't want to hear about his back pain ALL the time - that's why this forum is so supportive. We can say all these things to other people on SH knowing that they have personal experience of dealing with the same issues and totally understand how we feel.

    As for pushing yourself to do things - been there, done that, enjoyed it at the time, but certainly didn't enjoy paying for it afterwards with increased pain. Even last Friday my pain prevented me from going to work and it was supposed to have been my first full week back - I felt like a total failure (still do actually).

    And, being on pain meds all the time certainly doesn't help either. I think it has alot to do with our moods - lack of concentration, feeling so tired all the time, not being able to sleep well, it's no wonder we sometimes start the day feeling totally exhausted and not inclined to want to do anything. It's a vicious circle sometimes.

    Perhaps, as some others have suggested, you could have a chat with your doctor. He/she might have some advice that could make all the difference, or, if you've been on your pain meds for some time, perhaps they could be reviewed if they're not helping as much now.

    You're definitely not alone!!!!
    2 x Microdiscectomy 2005 / PLIFusion 2-level 2010 / revision surgery 2011 / NEVRO Senza spinal cord stimulator implanted February 2013. I WILL NOT GIVE IN / UP !!
  • After '911' I got into beading. I saw a lot of those really neat safety pin bead flags, and that started it! Depending on my mood and hands (right hand sometimes just won't behave), I make jewelry, beaded projects like the one I posted, loom and off loom. This one was off loom peyote.

    I too shop online, but with clothes, I am really fussy about the material, and I need to feel it before I buy it. Pants - I can't go by the so called sizes anymore! In one store a size 6 is really a 2, or a 4 is really a 10! They even covered that on the news the other day! (G)

    Here's another tip that might help. I can't stand but a few minutes unless I move around, and even that is limited. I go to stores like Kohls, Bealls and Ross because there are all kinds of places to sit in them! Walmart, K-Mart etc. seem real thin on seating unless you are in their shoe department, and then those sitting spots are real low - ouch! Also in the stores I shop in, you can cash out at a lot of locations within the store vs standing in line! Gotta learn the 'tricks of the trade' we now live in! :)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,745
    You know that I know where your coming from. There are a couple of things you've said in this thread that make me think that you may need an antidepressant. I was taking very lightweight prescriptions.
    I do see a pain psych once a month when I see my P.M. Dr. She is part of his team. She recommended that besides doing all of the things that have been recommended to you. That I also get more serious about my anti-depressants, and talk to the P.M. Dr. about upping them to a much more therapeutic dose. At least for the time being. I did and have been slowly increasing to the target dose. That he wants me to be at.
    I have not heard you mention anti-depressants or any kind of counseling. Mine is due to a pain flair that wont go away. And my mom recently passing away. Yours seems to be your every day life. Your problems are much more serious than mine. I think that with time I'll get better.
    But you wont, unless you come to terms with your misery and find some acceptance. And a new way of managing a new life.
    As for talking about your pain to your friends and family. DON'T. They'll never understand or have sympathy for you. Untill they've walked a mile in your shoes. Other than on this forum or with my professionals, I don't talk about my pain. And I've found that its best that way.
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
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  • Jim,

    Yes of course I have thought about them but that is all. It is just the last thing I ever want to do. I am sure they help a lot of people, but I have seen people get more depressed with them and never get out of it. I tried fixing this myself by forcing myself back to the gym to feel better mentally and I did for a few months but the physical tole and pain was just too much. I am really scared about taking them I don't want to get into a pit that I can never crawl out of. Maybe I will wait and have my surgery and go from there. All I need is some relief even if it only helps a little that would be good. Then if I am still feeling this way maybe I will go down that road. I have know for this past year that I probably should ask for some, but like I said it scares me. Thanks for your help and reply they really help!! I actually got out and washed my car today...lol forced myself!,, :D
  • Thanks Sue for your thoughtful reply. I know what you mean about the pain meds I believe they contribute to 60% of my depressed feelings!! I so wish I did not have to take them. I am hoping for relief from my upcoming surgery and a miracle that I will at least have enough relief to not have to take them or at least cut way down. Of course with so many different problems I will probably have pain anyway. If not from DDD then it would be the osteoarthritis, scoliosis or my neck pain I still have when overused. It is such a battle!!

    Of course I have other things to that do not help. My four children are grown and I had a hysterectomy so can't have any more and I am on hormones which dose not help. After 20 years of staying home raising children this was supposed to be time for me. I was going to go out and work and have a career and now I cannot due to pain. So that is just more depressing and makes me feel useless sitting at home.

    When you have a job and bring home a paycheck at least it makes you feel worthy. Anyway I hope you get to feeling better so you can go back to work. Maybe your shots need a day or so to kick in. Probably by the time the weekend is over. :)
  • So many of us can relate to all that you are saying. I used to be so anti seeing someone, as I had had a few negative sessions with the wrong people. But when I found the right psychologist and psychiatrist it really changed things. I got on anti-depressants and boy do they help. I am not saying everything is rosy and I definitely still get depressed but they help a lot. I still have the pain and after 3 back fusions in 4 years it is getting a little frustrating. I have had back pain for 15 years due to getting knocked unconscious by a snowboarder. Not even my fault and it was a hit and run. Had to come to terms with that and the fact that it changed my life. I do like to go for walks and I do swim. It is wonderful to be weightless. I have to find the things I CAN do and not the things I can't do altho this is very hard sometimes and its easy to feel sorry for myself but there is always someone out there worse off than me. Good luck and keep us posted on how you are doing.


    Spinal stenosis, spondolysis, spondolythesis, L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion with instrumentation and bone graft from hip, L1/S1 fusion with replacement disc put in and a nice bolt from my spine to my pelvis; PT, accupuncture, prolotherapy, many cortisone injections, 4 rhizotomies. Currently on tramadol.
    L4/L5 laminectomy, L4/L5 360 fusion with instrumentation, L1 to L5 fusion, L5/S1 fusion w/ disc replacement, left and right SI joints fused.
  • I don't know how to do the quote thing right, so I just copied the part that I am talking about.

    "As for talking about your pain to your friends and family. DON'T. They'll never understand or have sympathy for you. Untill they've walked a mile in your shoes. Other than on this forum or with my professionals, I don't talk about my pain. And I've found that its best that way.
    Good luck, Jim"

    Jim I couldn't of said that Better myself. My father was/is in severe pain before I had these problems. I always wanted to do things with him and he always said he was in too much pain. I couldn't understand it. Now I have been in so much pain that I understand it. I could kick myself for every time I made him feel bad about not being able to do things with me like he wanted, but wasn't physically able to do.

    Until someone experiences the pain that you are in, or even similar pain, they will not understand.
  • I noticed one thing in your post about your meds. You stated taking the pills every 4 hours. You should talk to your doctor about something that is longer lasting, so your not clock watching. Part of what is going on could be from the highs and lows of getting relief then the pain returning so fast. Clock watching is never good idea. It is one thing when someone is recovering from surgery, but on a long term basis that is not a good idea. Not to mention you might have talked yourself into your going to be in pain in 4 hours so why do anything if say your two hours into the meds. I know I was in that game for awhile and got a different med and it helped a lot with highs and lows. So that might be something you want to bring up with your doctor.
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