My depression existed for a long time prior to surgeries and losing just about everything I had. The only thing that saved me over the past 2 years is the fact my family never left, never wavered, and finally came around to full understanding. They are just about the only thing that remained.
I can attest the yes, you can overcome, or at least work with, depression without medication. I did it for 18 years as a Government contractor. You see, you cannot have mental or overbearing physical issues and hold really high security clearances. So, i never had any problems.... ever.
When I succumbed to the pain and began taking the medications designed to help me, at that moment the first block of my career and life had been knocked out. From that point forward, the next 4 years, the wall came tumbling down and 15 solid years of my career and life fell apart. I was relieved, for the first time in my life, from my position. My security clearance was suspended. I moved 3000 miles away to another Government facility which allowed a lesser clearance and wanted my talents. A year later, I moved 2000 miles again and this is where I am. They were the second to fire me.... one week after I had my neck fused at 3 levels.
All through that time I had surgeries, procedures, medications, and on and on and on. My surgeries have left me with many neurological residuals and they are treated with narcotics, relaxers, and on and on and on. I am a huddled mess; an echo of the man I was just a couple years ago.
Today, I sit here with 20 years of repressed emotions, suffering from all the lies in order to fly under the radar, reeling from the affects of the surgeries, career, and financial chaos. I observe my uselessness every day and then take a pill to set it aside for a few hours or so. I'm done crying and I am done trying... for the most part, for you see, I still have one job to do.
My family saved me when it all fell apart and for that reason, I will not fail them. I will foster my kids through their youth trying to impart the positive, good, and forward looking ideologies I used to have. These are the most difficult tasks I have as I no longer believe much of any of it.
For right now, I have packed my bags... ready to go. I have planned to the most trivial of detail how and where the boat leaves the dock. My life has but one task left and i will do that. My type-A personality will not allow me to set that one aside.
There is a glimmer of hope however. I have a few more years to at least meet my last long-term goal... Maybe something will change between now and then that will allow me to overcome myself both physically and mentally.
I suppose I have vetted-out my allotment of pity time, so off to do my job.