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Words can cut like a knife

jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,111
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:56 AM in Chronic Pain
Has anyone had friends say " Your not the same person anymore"? Hell no Im not the same person! You go through what I have been thru in the last 10 years and then tell me if you would be the same. Last night a few girlfriends took me out to celebrate my birthday. We went to the city Octoberfest and had a great time. It was almost like a 30 year class reunion! Seen many old friends I have not seen in years. First let me say this, I am very personal about my health issues and it is something I just dont discuss with just anyone. I dont want to be defined by my issues. Dont want anyone feeling sorry for me. At the festival alcohol was served and of course I did not drink due to all my medications I am on. What is it about friends that cannot leave the fact alone "I am not drinking this evening'. As the night went on and my friends getting a little tipsy, they began with "Your no fun anymore, come on just have one drink with us". Those words hurt!!! These girls know all I have been through and the meds I take on a daily basis. I know they meant no harm by this statement but it still hurts. What does everyone else say when someone says something about how you used to be? How does everyone else handle the alcohol situation, do you drink at all? Most people after I say I am not drinking this evening still continue to send me drinks. Sorry folks just venting


  • It is an uncomfortable situation, but a necessary one. I usually just tell folks I am a designated driver and therefore cannot drink. It works for several, but not for all. I found that a lot of folks respond quite well to "I gave up drinking as it just didn't sit well with me."

    For the most part it does get easier, but just when I think it has gone away, the stigma about not drinking pops back up.

    Sometimes I just get a non-alcoholic drink and sip on it for hours.

    Your life has changed and you can't turn back the clock. You are capable however of winding the clock and keeping it operational for generations to come.

    Sorry your friends hurt your feelings. Hey at least your friends here, totally understand.

  • I been in same situation many times now. Everyone drinking having fun around me while i am holding my water botle me knowing i just took a valium and norco just to be here and i am ready to take another 1 if i have to just to be at the party or concert.

    You dont have to drink to have fun and its no diferent then when we was younger and some friend were snorting the white powder saying come on.

    I dont think they mean harm they just dont know any beter. I dont like to go in to my whole medical story either when i finaly get out with family and friends who love to drink and i never was 1 to fold in pressure to do something i dont want to do, or knowing i cant do it because my own personal reasons.

    When they say something like you are not the same person just tell them the same neither are you lol.

    You cant take it personal and just have to laugh it off. You just have to accept them as they are also in a way. We all have friends who are idiots but we known them for so long we just accept it. Besides we lost a lot of friends also not being able to keep up with activity for the most part in life.

    So who ever still has a few friend who are still around just have to be greatfull they are still around to mess with. Friends can insult each other and even get in a bloody fights and in 2 hours still be the best of friends.
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
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    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • lol, my best friends said the same things to me a couple of years ago. They said it makes them sad to see me this way, that sometimes "Oh, there she is!" and then a little while later "Nope, there she is gone" lol. To which I said, as Alex noted, well, you guys aren't the same either, we've all changed, just as life does to each and every one of us as we get older.

    Funny thing about drunk people, once they get something in their heads, it's hard for them to drop it. If I'm out in a situation like that, I usually have my standard cranberry and club soda (vodka would be the missing ingredient in that) so nobody really bothers me as it looks like a "drink". In general though, I tend to avoid places where there are a lot of drunk people, as they tend to be more annoying than anything else, lol. (I was neeeever annoying when I drank, nope, not me, never! LOL)
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Pain can most defintely take a toll. I have had people say the same thing, or similar as well and yes, it hurts. I remember that letter somewhere on these boards, it really said it all---how pain can affect people. It said everything I felt, but could never put into my own words.

    Susan, maybe if your friends walked (or limped/hobbled) a mile in your shoes, they would understand. I can understand your hurt and frustration!


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  • I often just tell them to buy me a round of dr pepper cause who really knows what's in that stuff anyway. Or no thank you I'm doing drugs tonight , usually shuts them up.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 11,348

    Person X: You are not the same person anymore

    Ron: You know, you are right, I am more improved now

    That shuts them up pretty quickly, especially those that know what I have been through.

    Oh come on, have another drink, it wont hurt

    Ron, I already had one, no thanks

    Ron being stupid, yeh why not?

    Luckily, I am not that that stupid that often! I've learned how to adjust so many things. When to take my medications, when I shouldn't or wait to. With my doctor's approval having a glass of wine depending on when before or when after you plan to take your pain medications.

    Its probably the hardest when I am at someone's house or there is some type of wine tasting going on. Which we do quite often. When I setup a wine tasting night, there will be at least a half dozen wines. Its easy for me, since I will do what real wine tasters do, just a very small amount in the glass. When it gets harder, is later in the night, when people want to pour me some more wine. But people do understand.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • People get stupid when they are uncomfortable. My husband stopped drinking 10 years ago. I still have a drink occasionally when we are out with friends.

    What we learned back then was that people just don't know how to handle the situation. THose who were still drinking a lot became nasty. THose were the "sure you can have one" or "you aren't any fun". The truth is that when you aren't drinking you realize that those drinking friends are the ones who aren't any fun. They can't have a conversation and they tend to get mean and nasty.

    The glass or two friends were even stranger. They acted like being around alcohol would turn us into animals. I remember my parents being so uncomfortable...they still are today. These people are so tense that it's hard to be around them.

    What we discovered is that our circle of friends changed. Life long friends stopped inviting us over. We made new friends who shared our new interests. I think the thing to remember is that life is ever changing. If you keep your heart open some will leave but others will enter.
  • Lol. Glass or 2 friends are even stranger. Good 1 lol.

    The fact is a few drinks always helps let lose a litle bit. Nothing wrong with having a few.
    We dont even bother with people that get full blown stupid drunk.
    Most in my family cousins and few friends drink to have clean fun"

    And just cause i cant always drink along with them dont mean i dont have fun just the same.

    The ones who are afraid to even have a drink not because they are on medication are who seem so stressed they stress me out. Lol.

    Some think a litle alcohol will turn them in to the devil. If they serve wine in church it cant be bad,
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 11,348
    I've always found those that take ANYTHING too far or obsessed with something become a problem.

    Like those that:

    - Shouldn't drink its evil
    - Smoking will make you die
    - Not exercising will shorten your life
    - Not paying your taxes will make you a bad person
    - and on and on

    Anything done in moderation generally is ok. What makes it much more difficult to swallow and when people try to 'preach' their beliefs on you.

    So, if they dont drink or smoke, are thy justified in forcing you not to?
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
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