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What Chronic pain does to our children

edited 06/11/2012 - 8:57 AM in Chronic Pain
Not sure if I am posting this in the right place?? But just wanted to share my story about my chronic back pain and what it has done to my children.I never relized all those times when I was having back spasm and couldnt get up out of the floor without my sons helping me and me screaming in pain what it might be doing to them or what they think when they see me crying not able to get up, well I have one 15 yr old that came to me and told me that I make him depressed and I had no idea because I was to wrapped up in my world of pain, he had also been a little on the heavy side in grade school and i noticed a change in his eating habits , he got tall and thin and wasnt eating much so I took him to the doctor and she found out he has a eating disorder and depression. I asked him why in front of the doctor and he told her he did not want to get fat because he was afraid of what would happen to his back. Also my oldest is depressed to because he cant help me. Just something for you guys and gals to think about it is hard on our babies to..


  • I just wanted to say that when I said fat I mean no disrespect I am a bit over weight myself.
  • Our children have seen Dad go through surgery, now me. I feel so bad, I see that they get very scared and I tell them it will be ok. These kids do not like surgerys at all!!!!
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  • I am having trouble with my 2 and a half year old little girl, I have 4 weeks to go until my surgery and I cant find a way to explain to her why mummy cant do the things she normally can, it has only been 2 weeks that i have been fully incapacitated and I have a nanny here to play with her but she still sobs and throws tantrums because I cant play with her like normal, I have tried saying mummy has a sick back but the doctors will fix it , so she kisses my back says all better now lets play ! does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this because I am finding myself getting very depressed because i feel like i am letting her down and breaking her little heart.

    L4/5 disc bulge
    L5/s1 Disc rupture due for disc replacement 1.11.11
  • It does impact our children & I feel for everyone here.
    My daughters are both paranoid of ending up like me.
    Ive talk to them & tried to get them to understand but they see us suffer & no matter the age its scary.
    My youngest is in her first yr of collage & all ready hurt her back. A chiro told her she has some disc problems & that freaked her out & me, but I could not let her hear it in my voice.
    I just said your young & you can help avoid this.

    Its hard & it must have been very hard to hear how your son felt. You can't help it & when he's older he should understand more. Age does matter in most cases.
    God bless & good luck bex81, the wee ones just don't get it, lots of hugs & reassurance.
  • Wow! I think that if I did not have a dad with a back surgery I would not have had the surgery so soon, even with him telling me to wait. He scold me a lot when I was younger and then said sorry because he was in pain. The interesting thing is that my brother read this story in a different way, he always saw my father as a fighter, that he did not let pain stop him even if he was in a bad humor. My brothers hand get tingly and he has neck pain sometimes but he continues doing so many things and belief in the power of his mind, he does not get scare, if his condition worsens I understand he will do what is needed. He takes therapies, hydrotherapy, does a lot of exercise... but haven't have an EMG, he says he don't need it now.

    I know many of us really need to have surgery, really but I also know that the MRI, the tests, all the visits to the doctors make this so scary that one end up deciding to have surgery or maybe I am just the only one.

    Please don't get me wrong I know that many do need surgery while other times surgeons do the surgery because they are surgeons and maybe they don't look at the whole picture. I read in the FAQ about the red flags when you go see the surgeon.

    So I guess that the important thing is to try to be very creative in the playing area, maybe you can play with her laying down, or in a comfortable chair.

    There is a game of a cane with a magnet that you could put things in the floor and you try to fish them.

    I would have like maybe that my father would tell me... i don't know... I think he did the best he could. Maybe a game I could be a little nurse and I put him creams and give him massages and he would say Wow I am cured, thank you! Maybe a talk about it where he would explain what was going on.

    But I think he did the best he could because he was very positive... I guess also it was how I read it since my brother saw it different.

    Sorry for such an extra long post.

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  • Somethings are out of our control. We did not choose to have the children BECAUSE we were in pain. That is just the way it turned out.

    My children both went into healing professions. They said living with me influenced their decisions. But they each are happy well adjusted adults who used their skill set in unique ways to help people feel better.

    Something are out of our control. We can only do the best we can as we journey thru life.
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