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The grieving process and chronic conditions



  • Anelsen, thanks for sharing your experience of moving thru this tough challenge and journey with pain and loss of your "active and outdoor" life.

    You expressed it well describing how you a huge void and no tools that you used to work in your active life; how you could function, escape and cope with life and knowing; omg they are gone :( a complete loss of how you used to live. :T Its really a HUGE loss physically....then to try and cope with the emotional/psyche and severe loss of "function" without the body we knew...and our identity.

    Yep, this past 3 weeks for me losing more balance, function, in arms/hands and now legs changing over such a short period of time :O strange disconnect for me for how sudden this is and it feels like Im suddenly in an alien body and forced to function in this world - - I'm losing so much :O

    It's losing my body, my identity, every thought and feeling is totally taken bondage to dealing with shock/pain/change on every level.

    How to cope is totally changed, with no "tools" in our inner "toolbox", lack of options/choices we readily had to adapt, function, and cope.

    And trying to adapt, cope to adjust to the new level of function and less options frankly pisses me off big time this past 2 weeks and I'm sad and angry of how much I am losing and my functioning is truly no longer "active" and yes, Anelsen, yes it really is SCAREY - and Im very unsettled with no foundation. Hel- this is too much Loss and Change that I did not want :OO

    I can truly identify with your post, I've had the dull sick emptiness = GRIEF with all the loss of function, powerlessness = NO CONTROL to stop any of it, no readily available ways to COPE - - no! he-- Im havin trouble with the shock of getting up in a.m. last 2 wks finding out oh no my legs aren't moving well, ankles/calves aching, weak, spastic and rough coordination.

    I'm finding its "No Tools / No Coping" cause I cant get to having where I was in coping well and being in life on any level when I am forced to dealing with the realization of

    Shock that is and realizing I no longer have a Body that can work/move/function my whole Focus is grinded down to Pain Weakness = Loss + No Function Powerless to stop any of it and coming to some semblance of how it is drastically changing everything in your day, in your body and in your life.

    To discover / create and having ways to adapt / function (and painfully sad it may mean not physical) u have to have Acceptance and Willingness to adapt and Create new ways to Cope
    - - sure hope this is true that I will find Acceptance and ways to Cope :O

    Anelsen, Im understanding the only way to be in Life is to have "tools" of faith, courage, hope, choices, adapt, create options, find ways for our inner and outer self, as well as our higher spiritual self can move beyond the Pain - Loss - Shock - Grief which of late for me feels like a deeply grooved pathway for me :( and the promise of remembering meeting others along the path who yes, are disabled and yet in their surrender, with a big "S" and Acceptance, have been able to find a sense of a disabled-ME and then a new ME, because they moved into Life, finding purpose, meaning and yes, even moments of happiness.

    I do know it really is a tough moment/day and intensely dark when I am stuck in Shock - Anger - Loss and I am not remembering how to shift into my higher self and draw my focus onto where my Strength and Hope comes. And you know, each day with this painful realization of the more disabled-Me, it's not my emotional/psyche or ego/logical fixer/controller that will shift from the deep loss - - in all of my really big challenges and major losses in my life Ive had to draw from my Higher Power, who is my Source of my Strength and the Presence of Grace to be able to move into any level of Accepting the Loss and be guided beyond for what can come and who I can become - - and I suspect as the past - - I won't be stuck with just Disabled-Me dead-end / 24 hours a day.

    In closing, on this tough journey - - I pray, our burden of pain be lifted and your inner strength be transcended to something beyond the limits of our spinal disorders/injuries and may we be guided in new ways to find meaning, purpose, and yes, happiness and peace. >:D<

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