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Feeling guilty about being down

AdaytodayAAdaytoday Posts: 5
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:02 AM in Depression and Coping
I find myself being so very down about my "new normal", and coping with / accepting how I cannot do certain things I once did just a year ago (or even had the option of doing a year ago).

From here I often start feeling GUILTY and RIDICULOUS because "how could I be so down about my situation"? I have daily neck pain (some worse than others).... however I have managed to hang on to my job, I have a good family, and have luckily been able to afford trying every treatment under the moon that has been an option thus far. I should be looking at my bright future I can still do many things.

Has anyone else gone through this? How did you get past these feelings? My husband always tells me to "be positive, think positive" but I always wind up right back here. It's a struggle and I know many of you can relate to my feelings here of isolation, anguish, basically morning the loss of what you once were, and even perhaps feeling emotionally distraught over being distraught.


  • hi sorry to hear your so down i think we all go through this at some stage as you say we cant do the things we could before iv just done the expert patient program and it helped me a lot its a great way to find alternative ways of doing things and meeting others in a similar position and disscusing your concerns withot being judged a moaner. please find a programme in your area i was a bit dubios at first but im really glad i did it im sure youll find it a great help and give you a lot of answers best of luck .pat
  • I'm having one of those down days. This afternoon I met with an attorney because my LTD insurer cut me off. I put on my "professional" face and went through all my medical info. I got home and just cried. Maybe I should have shown the attorney how I actually feel. Maybe I forgot to take my meds?

    Surgnut - what was the program you were talking about? Sounds interesting.
    4 level ACDF C4-C7 5-2-11, laminectomy & discectomy L4-L5 1/26/12, ALIF L4-5, L5-S1 12/10/12.
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  • I feel selfish. I am so down because I feel like I have lost all my friends, people who have had massive surgery are mad because I am walking around (Dr.s advice), I hate my pain pills, some people think I am faking it. For instance, my parents just came down for a visit and are staying at a motel. They don't understand I am not supposed to ride in a car until after the staples are out. Not sure why, but again-Dr.s orders. They got a room on top of the motel with stairs only and I am afraid about walking up them. They think I'm being silly and overreacting. My only caretaker to help me is my 20 yr. old daughter who is currently living with me because all my so called friend and my family who say, "call if you need anything.", really don't want to hear or see my pain. I am so depressed. Is this normal? AM I overreacting? Does this feeling eventually quit? I didn't feel like this with the first surgery. Thank you for listening/reading.
  • MetalneckMetalneck The Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,789
    all of the makes sense orders and instructions you have been given. You are trying to adjeust to a new normal that only people that have been through this could ever understand.

    Don't be too hard on your self .... ask for help (even know we hate too) get them involved and they will learn and see more. (and hopefully understand more/better).

    Multiple surgeries have a cumulative effect ... (oh boy ... here I am again) that begins to gnaw at your being ... unfortunately it is "normal". Seek assistance where ever/how ever - who ever it can be found through.

    Remain strong ... you can do it !!


  • I have felt so alone and selfish. This helps a lot.


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  • Neck pain is a terrible pain. However, if you can seek some herbal medicine that can help alleviate pain from your neck that would be really great. I have heard many pain ointment which really helps. You should search about them.
  • It is not just about accepting your condition. You are still on the process of grieving for something that is loss. I believe you will somewhat reach the level of acceptance in due time. It is normal for you to feel that way but you don't have to dwell on it for too long. You have to try to move on. I hope you'll feel better.
  • I am trying so hard to get back to my old self. Thank you so much!
  • We all feel guilty for the things we can no longer do and it is a loss, as has been said we cannot change the past, but the future is of our own making even within our limitations. Nobody here knows if we will ever do what we once did setting realistic attainable objective within a timescale is the way forward, goals do count. Pain and feeling low go together, that fact that we notice it is important so we can plan to feel better in the future, that takes time understand and learning about ourselves, we all differ, if you live in pain every day then nothing is impossible, pacing is the key and only seek out those who use supportive and encouraging words and ignore the rest. I know I have pain and do not need others to validate that thought.
    Knowing you are not as you should be is good, it helps motivate you to get better and just one element or phase in the chronic pain journey, set daily goals and try to do some of the things you once did or exchange them into something you can do, be positive and reward yourself for surviving while in constant pain, we think you are doing a great job, it is not easy we understand. Change something for the better or seek the help support and encouragement you need to get you to improve, you can do this, go to see your doctor if that is what it takes.

    It is not in the number of times that we fall, but how we then get up and keep going, we owe this to ourselves never to give up, stay strong and live life. We are here to help, many here are just where you are now you will soon be helping others as many help you to pass that baton of hope forward, the stronger you is inside.

    Take care and good luck, keep posting and get all the things you need for that road ahead.

    John UK.
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