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Feeling alone



  • I'm convinced my parents and my sister think that I am milking this situatiton so I don't have to work. They say things like "well most people just get better on their own." "Just work it off, you'll be fine." They call me everyday to ask if I made it to work and if I haven't, I can tell they are disappointed in me.

    And when I told my co-worker that I had a herniated disc she said "yeah I have one too, a lot of people do I think, doesn't bother me THAT much."

    While I wait for appt with my neurosurgeon I am in constant pain, and my primary care doctor prescribed me IBUPROFEN. I've been taking six aleve a day, and it hardly takes the edge off.

    Finally, when my boyfriend gets home from work, bless him he really is taking good care of me, I can tell he is frustrated that I didn't do the dishes,and in fits of eating my feelings I have eaten all the food that he buys, cause I can't work and contribute. "If you can get up to eat ice cream, you could probably do the dishes too!"
    I often ask him to bring stuff to the living room, like loads of laundry, or potatoes to cut up, just so I can feel useful . he says "it's just easier if I do it."

    I know it's hard for them to understand, and they are all doing a lot of extra work for me, but you do sometimes want to scream.

    After one extra tough day of misunderstandings, I was buying a gallon of milk at the grocery store, the old man in front of me let me cut in front of him. "You look like you're in worse shape than I am. It will get better." Made my day.
  • Sorry, my last comment was poorly written, a bit self-centered, and whiny. I have been been keeping all of those feelings cooped up inside because there aren't many people who understand. Like TIREDOFTHEPAIN, I am only twenty four, and many people my age can not relate. Everyone in my family has had "bad back" but they always get better in a few days to maybe a couple weeks. Since last October when my sciatica symptoms began, I have felt like I had no one to talk to.
    So I think I was waiting for an opportunity to vent to people who understand.

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  • The great thing about this 'Depression & Coping' forum is you can say anything, anyway you feel like saying it & we get it..we really do. We've all been there, thought that. My internal dialogue makes me seem like a stroppy toddler having a hissy fit sometimes. ;-)

    Oh it drives me nuts too sometimes.. Doesn't it seem like everyone has had a 'bad back' at some time or another? Fortunately for most it's just a twinge that's goes as fast as it came. We all have 'those' conversations..ugh! Occasionally it works the other way to. Last year my friend walked in & hugged me (gently) then she told me she'd hurt her back. It only lasted a few days but she said, "I don't know how you live with far worse everyday of your life. Now I can really imagine what you go through & my heart breaks for you". To know that someone really, finally got it made me feel so much better. Words can hurt but they can also make my day...I try to remember the compassionate ones, forgive & forget the others, life's too short. ;-)

    I'm glad you've found this forum. Chronic pain can be so lonely. We all need to know there's a safe place we can come to get those ugly feelings out without being judged. Remember to share the good things & victories too. Hope to see you around again.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • English Girl
    I am so thankful that you have that experience with your friends. I am fortunate that my boss's daughter has experience chronic pain in her head for years. Because of her experience with that she understands that just because you can't see it doesn't mean you are not "faking" it.
  • xxcoldginxxxxxcoldginxx Posts: 1
    edited 06/23/2014 - 11:49 AM
    Hello everyone here i hope this finds u as blessed as possible ;-]....I have cauda equina syndrome and recently had an fusion of my c5 c6 c7 {lucky me}....i am constantly in serious pain ,TIRED of it.I have been this way 15 months now my prior life does not even remotely resemble my life now....Physical therpy,steroid injections,cymbalta just to name 1,gastro specialist,urologist,neuro and spine specialist,strecthing,exercise,meditation, yoga....I AM and HAVE tried it all...Pain is very powerful and difficult to overcome [ ooppss i forgot a 5 week pain managment class/course i completed <------Very helpful ]...I am starting to realize the constant pain signal is changing everything about me and this is a battle i do not want to lose but my bad days are gettin much worse.I wonder where I will be in 10 years and i get really depressed :-[..and i cant seem to shake it, thoughts and things that used to work just dont anymore.I am starting to feel i am just a burden to the ones i love.My thought have started to lean towards counseling to help me cope but im not sure about it?if anyone reading this has any advise i would welcome it as i am unsure of what to do
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  • welcome to spine health......https://www.spine-health.com/forum/announcements/spine-health-announcements/welcome-message-resource

    what level was your cauda equina damage at? how long ago? i assume you have had surgery? when? the good news is that if your surgery was recent, you don't know how much improvement is yet to come. i have had ces , the first time, in 2006, and then again, after a second revision surgery as a result of bmp being used that migrated and adhered the dura to the lamina in my spine at three levels...so i am now what is referred to as a chronic ces patient.
    the damage from ces can continue to improve for years post injury, depending on what was damaged, and what was effected organ and area wise. so, don't give up, rather look at where you were a month ago and you may notice that as time passes things improve.
    the spinal nerves recover very, very slowly, and depending on how long the nerves were damaged, you may continue to see improvements, tiny at first, but eventually bigger ones as time goes on.
    living with the damage of ces is difficult and it does bring changes to how we view ourselves, our bodies, but it also can teach you things about yourself that you never knew you possessed, inner strength and determination, and adaptation to how you choose to view things differently than you did before. you get a whole new appreciation for things, your life, how you live it.
    i am not discounting the depression that comes with having to learn to live with ces, we all get it, but we have to hold onto to hope that things will improve, and getting some help to help us refocus and keep fighting to improve is a good start to getting back our lives. getting help is and support in real life with people who understand is essential and something we all need . i am glad that you are here, and are reaching out......
  • I have not been through tough times like you guys. But I am for sure can understand the pain and loneliness in your words. It really feels emotional to me when I read the first topic here which is by "jenny_40".

    I used to feel like I am the only person with problems I used to feel alone on little things. I just want to all people happy and strong like you guys...

    Here is an inspirational quote which I personally like the most: I Cried Because I Had No Shoes, Until I Met A Man Who Had No Feet.
  • I can relate as well. Constant pain can take its toll on your mind and body. I do my best to remain positive and continue to move forward. What bothers me the most is getting my hopes up that something will work and then it doesn't. It wasn't a good feeling when my PM Dr told me that I have one last option ( the SCS implant). Honestly I refuse to believe that. What if my one last option fails. Then I see my surgeon for a second opinion and he told me that I need another surgery which I'm trying to avoid. My degenerative arthritis started at age 16 and I'm now 29. I suppose I'm lucky to have been able to live and work up until last year (although I worked a lot longer than I should have). It's hard when you no longer feel like the strong person you once were. Putting on a happy, "I can handle the pain" face becomes harder and harder over time. I try to focus on the things that I'm blessed to have. I have 7 year old twins and a supportive family. Yet I struggle with being unable to take my kids to do the things that I want to. I just want to be able to run around and play with them like I used to. We've had to modify the activities we do. On a happy note, my employer has been amazing. The management team all agreed to give me more time off to HOPEFULLY get my pain better controlled. They said it's a reward for my several years of hard work. I've already been out for 7 months. I was one that would work through any illness so they know that I'm not doing well. I just keep praying for a solution that doesn't require a procedure of some sort, but those are the only options being presented, and there's no guarantee either will work. It's very discouraging to think that I may feel like this forever. When I have pain spikes I do prefer to be alone. I don't like people to see me that way. The best thing to do is take it one day at a time and not lose hope. Find activities that you enjoy and can help divert your attention. I won't stop trying I can tell you that. There are definitely ups and downs but you can pull through. It's a hard, not easily explainable battle but it can make us stronger if we don't let it beat us. I know it's easier said than done and I feel like I've lost a part of myself too. But I'm hoping that a better me will come out of this.
    Progressive DDD
    Chronic S1 Radiculopathy
    Discectomy L5-S1 2002
    Discectomy, Laminotomy/Foraminotomy L3-S1 January 2014
    Bilateral SI Joint Fusion and 2 level spinal Fusion October 2014
  • i just found this site at my wits end. please excuse my typing not very good and pain doesnt help. the thing that hit me most with ur story was the alone part. i push everyone away because the pain gets so bad. so now im depressed by myself in pain just lost. you are blessed to have your kids. but i can only relate to the not being able to do the things you used to. i have two big dogs that i love to death but feel so bad that im not taking them out running or even long walks anymore.
    since im so slow typing. to the point had back surgery in 2012. still in pain. was in pain mangement but i hate pain meds for the down listless feeling. seems drs are so busy these days its heres more meds. im on butrans patch right now helps with the pain but i cant function.
  • LizLiz Posts: 9,745


    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
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