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Feeling like a crappy mommy :(

FeelingStabbyFFeelingStabby Posts: 8
edited 06/20/2014 - 4:33 AM in Depression and Coping
I'm due for surgery in August (TLIF) but have been in horrible pain since January. It's just constant horrible throbbing and burning sciatica down my left leg. The mornings are the worst. I have a 7 month baby and I can barely hold her. I have to walk around for up to an hour trying to "warm up" before I can even pick her up from her crib. My 4 year old son has been such a great help with everything. He's such a good boy and I think I keep him so busy helping me that he doesn't get a chance to be a kid. If he hears me drop something he runs to where I'm at and asks ,"What's wrong mommy?".
I can barely play with him too since he's at such a low level.
I'm just feeling very sorry for myself at the moment. I'm breastfeeding my baby (I feel like that's the only right thing I'm doing for a her at least) so I am only taking Tylenol an ibuprofen, which don't really help but I keep taking them in hopes that they will a lead ease the pain.
I'm seriously considering just stopping breasfeeding so I can take something stronger but then I feel all sorts of guilty.
I know surgery isn't a cure but anything anything has got to be better than this :(
I'm 29 years old. I should be able to run around with my kids and play with them instead I'm just stuck in this sea of pain.
BG: I had a herniated disk in 2012 that caused painful sciatica, I was able to recover slowly until this January when I fell on ice then it came back 10x worse than before. I've been diagnosed with spinal stenosis and a huge heniation, specialist says it spilled about half of the disk into the spinal canal, surgery was the only option I was given for fear of causing extensive nerve damage if I wait.
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Comments

  • back01bback01 Posts: 14
    edited 06/20/2014 - 4:46 AM
    Hi there, I'm new to this forum also, but may I just say stop feeling guilty. You are doing the best you can do with your children right now. They know their mum loves them & your 4 year old seems to understand better then my 9 year old! Be gentle on yourself. I know you've probably heard it all before but take it from a mum who's been there and constantly feels guilty. We are doing okay, we didn't ask for this. I just wanted to send you hugs.
  • That particular medication is usually contraindicated for someone who has undergone fusion surgery. Have you gone to p physical therapy to help you get back into your daily life?
    The first year post op is difficult and it is a progression of set backs and steps forward. Your 4 year old can climb up on a chair ( with supervision), and color, and play games with you, and you can sit on the couch and watch him while he plays.
    He can also play with the baby, while you observe and interact with both of them. Invite friends with similar age children to a play date at your house. Or arrange trips to a local park with other parents of similar aged children.

    http://www.spine-health.com/treatment/spinal-fusion/spinal-fusion-surgery-recovery-one-three-months-post-operation
    http://www.spine-health.com/treatment/spinal-fusion/spinal-fusion-surgery-recovery-three-months-and-after
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  • I haven't had the surgery yet. Right now I can't be sitting or walking for more than a few minutes. I do have him sit down with me and color or play with blocks but he's a boy so most of his playing includes chasing and running lol.
  • back01 said:
    Hi there, I'm new to this forum also, but may I just say stop feeling guilty. You are doing the best you can do with your children right now. They know their mum loves them & your 4 year old seems to understand better then my 9 year old! Be gentle on yourself. I know you've probably heard it all before but take it from a mum who's been there and constantly feels guilty. We are doing okay, we didn't ask for this. I just wanted to send you hugs.
    Thank you, sometimes it's just hard to stay out of that dark place, you know?
  • I've got 2 little ones & I know 'The Beast' (as they call it here) very well! Being a stay at home Mum can be incredibly hard even without crippling pain. Lighten-up on yourself! Your little boy sounds like a compassionate soul..you're clearly doing something very right ;-)

    I've been dealing with spine issues & chronic pain for 8 years now. I went through my second pregnancy with my deflated balloon of a disc sitting on my sciatic nerve..ugh! All I can tell you is it does get easier, it really does. Mine are now 7 & 4, it brings it's own challenges but everyday they're getting more independent & self sufficient. I need to do a lot of hobbling in the morning to get myself moving too. Doesn't it feel like Groundhog Day sometimes? I hate mornings the most, the darkness tends to descend with the dawn. I try my best to push my pain out of view & if I can't I fake it for the kids. It surprised me how my act became reality more often than not.

    Isolation opens the door to the darkness more than anything else for me. Is there a local Mom's group that you can join? Don't be afraid to be completely honest with the ladies who run it. I made some great friends who are used to me having to lay on their sofas sometimes. New Mum's have so many shared struggles, my local group has been very understanding & compassionate.

    How long you breast feed for is a very personal decision. I know how you feel, I really do. I felt terribly guilty not breast feeding my daughter but I simply couldn't function without my medications. It's fantastic that you've managed for 7 months & given those benefits.

    I'm glad you've found this forum. I find the information & support invaluable. I hope that just being able to vent has made you feel a little better. You're not alone in this. It's bloody hard but as Mum's we do the best we can. All our kids really need is tons of love. Give them a big cuddle from me. I'm here if you need to chat ;-)
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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  • littleonellittleone Posts: 77
    edited 12/12/2014 - 12:35 AM
    (I know this post is six months old)
    You are a wonderful mother. to put your children first; that shows what an amazing mom you are.
    I can empathize with your situation. thought I only have one child, (two year old) I am going through basically the same thing. I won't take strong pain meds, though they would help immensely at this point. I want to be able to treasure the little moments with my son.
    we have gone from a very active life - out at activities four days a week (he's in daycare 3 days while my husband and I work) to stuck in the house. I can't drive per doctors orders due to leg weakness. I feel like such a terrible mom. that is what has finally put me mentally in the position of being okay with this surgery. This is no life for either of us.
    hugs to you mama. thinking of you, and hoping your recovery is going well.
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