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Hospice

Were going to bring Mom home for Hospice.
The walk into the shadows won't be very long or hard, she has outlived the original prognosis by a good long time
she has grown tired and misses Dad every day
and soon
she will rejoin her partner of 55 years.

we await the prognosis with dread, we'll find out very soon as to when we can expect the gentle Angel

I could drink a Bottle down and the sorrow wouldn't answer for its sins
I could take every opiate, and still, the sadness would not answer

This Downhill slide into the dark for me will be epic
I'm not being selfish, i've prepared for this, i've had time with her as her caretaker when the others were working
so ive had more time to assimilate the inevitable

I don't know where the strength to be strong when others fail will come from
I had to be strong when Dad was called, i'm still dealing with the affliction of sorrow time to time

I will be strong in this too, like always, to make the hard calls, because others fail

then dealing with strong egos and personalities
dealing with my own pain
my own sorrow
keeping the peace

This will only be another part of life
in a life filled with parts
most unfinished

I will need to disappear for a long while to sort myself, my soul out
the bondage of duty to ones who care no duty to me

I think for once I will be selfish
I will carry out the familial duties
then I will exit stage...wherever.

I am tired
I have been tired

I am... tired.

yet there is still so far to go
Peace



William Garza
Spine-Health Mod
erator

Welcome to Spine-Health

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134

Comments

  • jlrfryejjlrfrye ohioPosts: 1,111
    Being thru the exact same thing with my mother recently my prayers and heart break for you. For me my greatest loss in my life was my mother. Although we can curse and scream about our spine issues it allowed us the privilege of being able to spend time with our loved ones before they pass. Time that other family members did not have. Consider it a blessing. I hope family members support you during this difficult time and remember we are all here if you need to talk.
    Susan
  • I'm so sorry to hear of your sad and difficult time. Please know that there are people all over the world keeping you and your Mum in their prayers. Treasure the moments you have left.
    I wish I could take some your pain away...
    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
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  • kinpainkkinpain Posts: 958
    edited 08/11/2014 - 10:37 AM
    Ranchhand,

    As sad as it is to face the end of life of our parents, your Mom is probably in very good hands. I heard very good things about hospice care, and the fact that you are bringing her home will make her struggle more tolerable. I wish for both of you to find peace and comfort. God bless you both.

    Kin
  • its going to happen in its own time. Just hoping the suffering is missing
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • and the shenanigans have started...
    too many indian
    not enough chief,

    one wants to rule..this isn't LOTR..he doesn't need to be anywhere near any decision making policys
    another, watched me struggle up from my moms bedside and asked whats wrong, told her and she snorted in derision and said hurry up and move out of her highnesses way.
    whatever...
    my poor sister whose been there with me at moms side, is struggling with here compromised emotions, but i gots her back

    and then theres me
    ime strong coz ime made that way..there is a job to be done now in the storm,,if they are afraid of the lightening then they should not venture where those who are not go.

    ive got my spiney friends and prayers
    ive got my strength
    what i dont have patience for is people whove not shown face nor hide except on occasion, wanting to run the show..
    all they are doing is trying to take charge of a situation beyond their control
    sad.

    you bend when you need to
    you let the wave wash over you
    around you
    so that way, it wont break you

    peace to my spineys

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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  • It takes all sort of people, as you can very well see. Some of them mean well, but are so lost for wolds. Others, well we won't talk about them. You seem to retain your composer and I am sure you are great comfort to your Mom. Even if she may not seem to acknowledge everything around her, I am sure your good vibes bring her peace. You are in my thoughts.

    Hugs,

    Kin
  • Kin. yeah poop just keeps piling up..brother cant handle emotions of any kind,so he territorially marks... >_< everything around him with angry acts..
    i am not amused.
    i am however in control of my emotions, and not compromised
    to their unbridled arrogance and fury

    when this is all said and done
    so will my relationship to them

    ime done with their condescension and looking down
    i will move up and on and the last thing they will see is my back going into the darkness.
    i will have fulfilled all my filial and sons duty's as required by nature and God.
    done.
    Peace
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • You've got great strength for rising above all the drama Ranchhand. Your Mum will appreciate it.

    HH
    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
  • she is leaning on me for the hard questions
    Why am i like this?
    what happened?
    what is it that is hurting me.

    so i tell her the there is something in her stomach that went bad, ad thats why she isnt eating anymore,
    she told me "ill e over this in a month or so and back to normal...

    she is aware and unaware of whats happening
    the cancer has started to affect her reasoning
    as well as now we enter into the final stages, i can handle her and my sisters
    the other is throwing his weight around wildly and i dont need to face an emotionally compromised idiot, while dealing with pain, depression, mom, a sisters emotional well being, and moms questions.

    by keeping mum, i keep a sort of peace, by having to kiss butt to someone wholly undeserving. they need to grow up.

    i will fulfill my dutys, and that is all
    ive my own life to live, in my own peace of mind, in my own comfortable place in the world.
    sans people who are poisonous.

    i digess.

    how do you tell someone what is hurting them is killing them.?
    Peace
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • You bring tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. You know what's going on and she doesn't, which is probably a blessing for her.
    I haven't been through such a personal experience so I hope I'm not offending you in any way or offering advice that I don't have the knowledge to give.
    Your Mam sounds like a positive lady full of fight who just wants to conquer her illness and get back to being a Mum. It sounds to me like you are doing the very best job you can in this difficult situation and that's all you can expect of yourself.
    You are kind and caring and understand pain. Make your Mam as comfortable as possible. Leave the rest in God's hands, it's all you can do. You'll have no regrets.
    DDD. Married,Mum of 2, Age 45: 2007 & 2008 L5/S1 Discectomy
    April 2013 L5/S1 Anterior Fusion
    & L4/L5 Artificial Disc Replacement
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