Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

advertisement

Quick Start Forum Video Tutorial

    Forum-Tutorial-Screenshot
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

Notice
All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

The main site has all the formal medical articles and videos for you to research on.
advertisement

Rant about bad day

Just having a rant about my day...

Some of you may have seen posts earlier in the year, but as a recap, had revision microdiscectomy November. Things didn't go to plan, have weakness in leg and foot drop. I was engaged at the time and after 7 ish weeks, my fiancée decided to leave (family pressuring him to go, but he also wanted out due to my back problems).

Today 3 months later, I saw him for the first time and it was truely awful! In fact the whole day has been rubbish. Had such bad pain in foot from walking and struggled to lift foot up. Desperate to sit down but stuck 20 min walk from home in the pouring rain. In pain, soaking wet, I was nearly home and saw him. Awkward chat, he did not ask one thing about me or how I'm getting on. When he left, I couldn't walk well at all and stuck on crutches. I'm fact, he dared to say everything was my fault...how can some people change so much and lack so much insight? 

Trying desperately to stay positive, but I'm devastated by the break up and in pain everyday with little improvement in foot and some days just want someone at home to give me a hug. Willing this bad day to be over and this horrible period in my life to start improving.
advertisement

Comments

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,385
    Hello....
    Im sorry for your experiencing your deep sorrow of fiancé walking away.
    Three months is not a very long time to recover completely.
    The devastation of my divorce took time and I would take few steps forward with forgiveness and moving forward with my life...with one step back, for awhile.
    When you love deeply, you are open to hurt deeply.

    It may be a very good thing that your conversation did not go well today.
    And to keep that in your memory as you move on in your life.

    Even just from what you stated about him not even asking how you are doing.
    Out of politeness, we even ask strangers, "Hi! How are you doing?"

    When there is pressure in life, we never know what may coming pouring out of ourselves, or another.
    Sometimes an unbelievable strength we didn't know we had! Or that they had!
    And sadly, sometimes an unbelievable behavior which leads us to ask, of ourselves, or others, "Who are you?

    But we move on, as no one has the power to take away your peace, joy, and never ending excitement for what is waiting ahead for you!

    Hopefully, you have friends and family, a supportive people, to lock arms with you and help you move forward with life.
    So much ahead of you! So much hope in your future!




    Sue
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • Thanks Savage. Feeling bit better today, but still sad. Yes it was a shock that he didn't ask one thing about me, although that was why we broke up so not surprised he doesn't care how I'm doing now! I've definitely found some strength to get through each day, I just wish time would heal everything faster than it is doing. Seems everyone in my life has forgotten so quickly what I've been through and apart from my direct family and 1 friend, noone really understands, perhaps partly because I always say I'm fine and act as though I am and never really say anything to anyone. Much easier to post on here where you can have support remotely! Yes, I keep focusing on happier times and now want to do everything I always wanted to without being held back by someone else. Going to make a list of everything I can now do alone which I never could before, like eat in restaurants he didn't want to go to.

    Seems I'm hearing of more people now who have gone through tough times and it's broken down their relationship. Chronic pain causes so many problems!!
  • advertisement
  • He was not good enough
    Strong enough
    And obviously..
    Not wise enough.

    What was and is are the perception meeting reality.
    I think youll find that his walking away was a Blessing in diguise.
    You may not want to see it that way now..but it is.

    His character is lacking something
    Maturity for one.
    Marriage would have been a broken hades afterwards....it seems it would have been me,me,me on his part..

    Girl! Go get your broke butt up and make me a Sammich! Type of guy.

    Your one thing
    His family is another.

    This will pass into the darks of history, you will heal that which is broken in time.
    Try not to dwell on his failure, or his lack of empathy.
    Things do heal, they tend to if you want to.

    Hope you have a better day!


    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I am going through the same thing. He blamed our whole break up on me. Every time I have seen him afterwards he has ended up yelling at me and calling me names.

    I have cut off contact with him. I have been lucky enough not to run into him like that. But when someone mentions him or whatnot it hurts me. I too am devastated and lost. I can't think of anything that might help except to say you are not alone, it helps me, knowing I am not the only one who has had to deal with these things.

    Loz
    -Loz-
  • Thanks Loz. Turns out my ex has taken a job in the building opposite my block of flats  (literally 20 meters away!) so I keep seeing him as it's on my way to work. It's getting easier, but I'd rather not have to keep seeing someone who made me feel so bad about myself. Thinking about moving so I don't feel fearful everyday that I'll get put down again.
    How are you feeling now?
  • advertisement
  • Wow that's messed up Lily. I would be so upset and angry if he took a job across the road from here and what's more I would feel like he was trying to keep an eye on me. I can't imagine how that must feel. I want to move as well but my lease does not run out until September and he won't pay any break lease fees so I would have to do that myself. However if I moved I wouldn't have to see him again. I totally get it. I think it would be nice to move, start again in a new place that is just yours, no consultation with anyone just something that works and is perfect for you.

    Bad day here, I had to speak to ex, he still has a bunch of stuff here at my house. Anyway he ended up getting angry at me again. Blaming his current living and financial situation on me when it was his decision to leave not mine. Then he got up me because I have not contacted him and didn't reply last time he sent me a message that did not require a reply, despite me clearly stating we were to have no contact beyond sorting out bills and such because I was sick of being abused by him. I feel like he wants the best of all worlds, he still wants to have me as the person who understands him and his problems, the person he can talk to and take his temper out on without actually having to care for me in return.

    I cannot wait until the day we don't have anything left tied up together, no lease, no car, nothing. I am working towards that as fast as I can. Then I will be free! I think that's the thing to keep focusing on. Being free of someone who doesn't love us enough to care for us in our times of need. I'd rather be alone than be treated like that, I have enough stress with work cover, pain, no feeling in my left leg, not being me anymore and all that without him on top of it.
    -Loz-
  • Elloz--Is there any way you could have someone else present when you have to have contact with your ex?  I am concerned by his volatility, and since you've mentioned he is prone to outbursts in the past, I cannot tell you enough that even though I don't know you, I fear for your safety.  If some of his belongings are still at your place, it's not possible for you to cut him off completely.  PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE have someone there with you whenever he needs to be there!!!  Someone who is that easily set off CANNOT be trusted to maintain self-control in intense situations.  Period.
    Kimmy72, Spine-health Moderator
    Firm believer in PMA!
  • Loz, this is exactly what I experienced! In the end, I couldn't get rid of him or his stuff for a while & ended up telling him when it would be outside for him to collect. Sounds awful, but I'd had so much abuse thrown at me, I snapped and thought that I couldn't stand it any longer. I also got legal advice straight away and spoke to the bank who put a hold on all accounts. Please be careful as if you have a joint account, he could run up a bill which you are liable for. It might sound dramatic, but better to be safe than sorry and sounds like it might scare him into realising you have had enough. As kimmy said,  if there's risk to you, make sure you have someone with you.

    My ex is still REALLY angry with me. Same as you - he's angry that I stood strong & didn't reply to him & asked him to move out of my house. He's still angry now & probably always will be, but makes it so difficult now for me, because it means I'm still receiving nasty comments etc when I see him outside my place. It's making me feel anxious when I leave the house & received when I get home. The way it is set out here, he could see into my living room/bedroom etc from his office, so since I found out he's working there, I've closed all the curtains. Do you think this is very odd? I think it is & some of my friends have commented on it so makes me wonder if there's more to him working there.

    You WILL be free and trust me, as lonely and awful as it is sometimes, it's really not as bad as being with someone who doesn't care. Yesterday I had an awful day of pain and felt like hell. It was draining and difficult, but when I lay down on the floor for hours/cried in pain, noone was criticising me for doing that. Didn't get a hug, but didn't get an insult either! Keep strong xx
  • Man that sounds so weird, I would say yes, he applied and took the job so he could keep an eye on you, what else could it be? It's just super creepy. How is everything going now? More run ins? More creeping from him?

    My ex has settled down slightly, he admitted to having depression, not that he has got any help for it but hey, at least he agrees he probably does have it. We don't see each other a lot any more and I finally have some light on the horizon in regards to the work cover stuff which has given me hope! Hope is amazing!

    Isn't it nice, isn't the calm in our homes nice! Nobody there to judge us, nobody to tell us we are making it up, nobody to get angry at us because we are still in pain. If I am sore I can lay in a hot bath for two hours and NOBODY CARES! If I am exhausted or depressed I can stay in bed all day and I don't get in trouble. My life is so much calmer now and crazily enough I actually have less stress. I seem to have passed a point I am feeling a whole lot better about the whole thing, I think my ex can tell that, in fact, I am pretty sure I am happier now than he is and he knows it. So suddenly he is not so bad, he has realised I am not going to put up with being abused and he is trying to be calm, he is being left behind, our so called friends don't want to have anything to do with either of us now, they tried to bad mouth me after he bad mouthed me to them and he told them off for it, he's the only one that can treat me badly apparently, now he is alone. I have my own nice little group of friends who I can rely on. I hope you have turned that corner like me Lily, passed that point where it's suddenly just nice to do it without the anger, its a good corner to pass!
    -Loz-
advertisement
Sign In or Register to comment.