It's been a long time since I was last here. 18 months ago now I had my spinal surgery a microdiscectomy that ended up being a laminectomy once he cut me open. The surgery went well, I can walk again, drive again. However I am still symptomatic. I have chronic pain. I won't ever feel my left leg again, the damage is permanent. I now have referral pain down both legs as opposed to only one pre-surgery (however its not as bad as pre). But all in all a massive improvement.
However it wasn't enough. My partner of 11 years left me in February. He actually replaced me, with a younger version who can do all the things I used to be able to do before I got injured, they actually started this before we split, we split because I got angry at him for never wanting to do anything with me, for him getting angry at having to spend time with me instead of her. He's going to teach her to kite surf, just like he was teaching me before I had to give it up, they go bush walking, camping, all of our things. I am totally heartbroken. I know it's not uncommon, I just cannot understand it, I was trying so hard to be me again, I was always trying new things, old things, trying to modify things so I could be me again. I have depression from the injury and the not feeling like me, I knew that, I was getting help. I won't ever go back to my job or I will end up in surgery again (as told by multiple surgeons, mine and work cover). I don't control my life, I do everything work cover tells me and I feel like I am stuck waiting for them. Then he left, being us was the only thing I had left that still felt like me, the real me, the old me. I don't know what I want, I just needed to get it off my chest, to not feel so alone, I know I am not the only one who's partner has left after a perma injury. At the moment I am still stuck in that, it's not fair loop. I know I am better off without him, over the last 18 months he had become abusive, screaming at me until I was crying and begging him to stop, throwing things at me, destroying furniture and countless other things. I just feel like I failed him, I tried to offer him help, I tried to encourage him to do some training and get a better job, we went on holiday together, I sent him on a skiing holiday without me so that he could relax and not have any stress, I am sure he is depressed but I could never help him, he blamed it all on me, I wasn't enough.
Sigh. Just feeling lost, alone and like this injury has now stolen everything from me. I can't do any of the things I loved any more, I can't fly aeroplanes, I can't bush walk, I can't run, I was always really adventurous and active and now I've lost the love of my life. Tell me I'm not alone. How long did it take for you to feel like you again? How long did it take for you to come to terms with your changed life, your changed abilities?