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What am I going to do

kimmeamkkimmeam Posts: 149
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:22 AM in Neck Pain: Cervical
I had my acdf on 08/08/08. Came home Monday night. I still have some pain & numbness in my arm & fingers. I think it is getting better. Now my left side really hurts. My upper back & neck. Hpoefully everything is alright. I have my 1 week f/u tomorrow.
I am getting stronger all the time, but not anywhere where I was. I do as much as I can. Yesterday I got a shower! Oh what a feeling. It takes a lot for me just to be up & move around for a few minutes. I know it will get better.
My biggest problem right now is that I feel like i am all alone. My boys are great by getting me things that I ask for. My husband is at work all day & will be happy to get me something. He even went grocery shopping. I don't know what he bought. He shopped the day after I came home, knowing that I really can't eat anything. I got pudding cups. Thank you. He did make me a huge pot of mashed potatoes that I've been living on.
I thought that this surgery would wake them up & realize that Mom does everything around here. I had to to laundry yesterday as it had not been done. I needed a clean towel! I want to just recover & heal. This as hard to do when I stress out over the housework that needs to be done. How do I get the help that I need? I have tried to ask & have even been a bit snotty about it & I get the same answer. I'll do it later.
Sorry for the ramble. I didn't expect this as part of my recovery. I have enough to deal with my own healing.


  • boy oh boy are we in the same boat. right after my surgery my husband and kids were great, but not forget it. i too am doing laundry because it isnt getting done, i do the dishes, i cook, i take trash out, etc etc and yep i pay for it dearly believe me. lastnight i had horrible muscle spasms my husband said well you arent suppose to be bending or picking things up. i looked at him(and if looks could kill he would be a goner) and i said well d***it if i dont do it it AINT gonna get done. i then went to bed without so much as a goodnight to anyone. today has been one of the worst days of my life (not surgery related well it kind of is) whereas i just want to crawl off in a hole somewhere and not come out anytime soon. so ya see where most definetely in the same boat.
  • Kimmean,

    Try not to worry to much about the house work and what not. When you feel better it will all still be there unless you get a ghost fairy that comes in and cleans it all up. You don't want to do things that will jeopardize your recovery and risk having to go back for another surgery. In a couple weeks when you start feeling better all the mess will still be there. Also some of the emotional aspects come with the surgery. While your under they give your body a lot of drugs and what not which take time to wear out of your system as well. Those drugs really do a trick on your emotions as well. Also your not alone we are always here for you. Anytime you need to vent or get rid of some frustration we are always here. Maybe we could cyber you a house cleaner...hehe don't we all wish. Hope things get better for you but take it easy and rest.
  • I thank you for letting me whine. I have decided to let myself heal properly. I realized how many times I've heard "I was feeling so good & thought I could do it". I do not want to go there. Everything will be here when I'm ready. I did have a talk with family last night. They all agreed that they could & will do more.
    Terr I do hope that you do the same. Yes we are in the same boat & we are both strong. BUT we do need help & families have to adjust & know that we will soon be back as we were taking care of them again.
    I will try to cyber the cleaning crew to you both tamtam &terri!
  • I am scheduled for ACDF next month and one of my worries is how everything will get done. I have been asking for more help in the last several months because I haven't been feeling well. Hopefully, my kids and hubby will pitch in when they can. Best wishes to you!!
  • Yes I know you are right and believe me I do try to be a "good girl" really I do. The last several days have been tough personally and emotionally(both from surgery and getting into a bad argument with my 16 year old son and my mama) for me. Man y'all werent kidding when yall said sometimes depression kicks in cuz it bit me in the rear yesterday HARD!!! I am striving for a much better day today though!!! >:D<
  • We have to realize that it will get done eventualy. It's not easy to lie here & see the clutter & dirty laundry piling up. I'm trying my best to say "when they run out of clean clothes they'll help.
    How old are your children? Mine are 17 & 13 they can certainly help. They have as well as my Husband been spoiled as Mom has taken care of everything.
    Last night my youngest did laundry with me. I had him carry the laudry basket & load the machine. I did the rest. The same with the dryer. I find it's easier on all of us if I help them help me.
    Crash when is your surgery? I wish you the best!
  • Are almost 17 and 12 and they do help to an extent. My husband does what he can because he works nights, and yes he
    has the kids "spying" on me to make sure I am "behaving". LOL I do the same with laundry as you do cuz if I didnt they would throw everything in the washer all at once and no fabric softener would get used. Hubby says fabric softener is a womans way of marking her territory. LOL needless to say I have to go behind him and add it.
  • I wish you a much better day :D today! Take it easy. I think it's hard on our families to see us knocked down. Oh I haven't had the bad depression yet. I get sad & teary because I am going through this as well as my loved ones. I do my best to smile & look on the brighter side as it could be worse. Terri know that I am thinking of you & would help you in any way.
    Be good & try to stay positive, this isn't forever
  • I am here for you as well as everyone else on these boards. >:D<
  • Hey why not hire a maid to come once a week and do things like laundry, sweeping, mopping and changing sheets. It will probably cost about 80-100.00 a week but if you can afford it then it would make you feel better and you don't need to be so stressd when you are trying to heal. If you have a church maybe they could come in and do this. I know it is hard to ask for help but they get a blessing and you get peace of mind. Just a suggestion I know what you are going through. I couldn't afford a maid and i finaly let my sister come and and clean. She was great. Sometimes even tho I don't think God is responsible for my being hurt, I think he used the time to get my attention. >:D<
  • One thing that has helped our family is to make a chore chart, and the kids know that their chores have to be done before they can go anywhere for the day. That works during the summer. When school starts, they have to get their chores done before going to bed. Of course I make exceptions.

    What I have found is that with children it is easier to outline what needs to be done specifically, rather than just say please help clean the house. If I say clean the kitchen, the dishes will probably be loaded in the dishwasher and the table wiped off. If I outline item by item what cleaning the kitchen means, the job gets done. We have a daily task list and a weekly task list. For instance, daily the living room needs to be vaccumed and things put away, straightened, etc. Weekly the couch cushions need to be vaccumed, furniture polished, window sills cleaned, doorways and lightswitches wiped, etc. If I have assigned child #1 the living room for the week, they know that the "deep cleaning" has to be done a day or two before we rotate to the next week's assignment.

    Of course there is always still cleaning that I have to do, but this has helped my family immensely. they all know that they are a part of the family and they have responsibilities too. Well, at least all but my 19 year old son who won't do anything at all. :''(

    My husband knows that he has to take out the trash every morning before he leaves for work, and he does a lot of the grocery shopping when I am not up to it. The kids help a bunch, but sometimes I just have to close my eyes to clutter and realize that it will eventually be picked up.

    Hope this helps. When a room is starting to get out of control, all I have to do is remind them that it needs to be done, and eventually they know to get it done. Of course I still have 3 children at home who are always willing (well, maybe not happily) to help out, so it isn't a burden to any of us.
    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • (All of us moms anyway) It's so hard to not complain and get after everyone around us when we're hurting and really not feeling good after our surgeries. And it's unbelievably hard to just look the other way and not just get up and do it ourselves, right? Been there, done that. But you know we will all get stronger with each day that passes. I love the idea of hiring a maid to come in and help and the chore chart is an excellent idea! Of course the teenagers might thing they don't need something like that, but why not? It'll be specific jobs for them to do. Put 'em to work! You can always remind them who brought them into this world!

    Although I'm getting around pretty good now (9 weeks postop ACDF 2 levels) and doing most all my chores, etc., and finally out of the brace, I've had a miserable week with an ear infection. My son and grandson are living with me temporarily and it was like it all started over again.... the noise, the interruptions, the dishes in the sink, etc. You know, I felt so rotten and they just couldn't do enough to please me or make me feel better! Thankfully the meds kicked in and I'm back to my better-feeling self now.

    Remember, this is always a great place to come for advice, a place to vent, and a place to share. You guys stay strong and remember to take care of yourselves. Don't worry about everything around you. It'll all get done in due time.

  • I too worry about my house after surgery. My husband works 11 hours a day and he is in no mood to help around the house. I am having a leval 1 c5/6 on 8/19 so I hope I heal fast. I will be calling friends on friday to help me. I just need the floors vaccumed and kitchen cleaned. Hopefuly things wont be to bad
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