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A Cruel Joke

traterttrater Posts: 288
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:23 AM in Matters of the Heart
As some of you may know, I lost my mom, my best friend, four years ago, very suddenly. I think I went into a state of shock and haven't came out of it yet. That woman was THE best... EVERYTHING. Two years after losing her, My grandfather (her father), who I was very close to, died from cancer and a couple of months later, I lost my grandmother (her mother), who I was also very close to, to Alzheimer's. As you can imagine, my little world was shattered and I don't see it coming back together any time soon.
I have had many dreams about my mother over the last couple of years. Always in the dream she has come back from Heaven, and I know it. She can never talk about what it's like there or why she had to leave us. I ALWAYS wake up so extremely sad. I never want to wake up from these dreams because there, I can be with her. In the dreams that I have of my grandparents usually, we are at their house having a get together, something we used to do EVERY Sunday since I was a little girl. For some reason, these dreams don't make me as sad as the one's with my mom.
Last night, I had a dream about all three of them. In this dream, my mom had returned from somewhere,but she hadn't really died. She was gone for the same amount of time, but she hadn't died. My grandfather was still alive, but my grandmother had passed away. When we got to their house, I began to cry and couldn't bring myself to go into the kitchen, because I knew she wouldn't be there. I finally MAKE myself go in there, and she was standing there. I go to her and throw my arms around her and hug her, so relieved that she is there, but my aunt tells me that its her ghost and that I shouldn't talk angry to her or it would make her mean. She goes on to tell me that when my grandfather got the yard tools out to cut the grass and such that she showed up because he had made her mad and now she wouldn't leave. They just pretended she wasn't there and just went on about there business, but I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I was drinking her presence in because I had missed her so much. I talked to my mom about it ( the dream) and I said, you know that never happened to you, and she said because I never really died.
I could feel my heart breaking and my body aching (from the back pain) and knew that I was going to have to get up because the pain was too much, but I tried to stay in that dream as long as I could so I wouldn't have to let go of her. Dreams can be so cruel! Some people might think it's wonderful to get to see a loved one again in their dreams, but I always know that in the end, I'm just going to have to lose them all over again.
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Comments

  • I am sorry to hear this. In this past year, I have too lost. My grandmother, a grandfather, and my 11 year old brother. If you ever need anything, I am always here. Dreams can be cruel. Lately, for some reason, I keep dreaming that I find the missing Cailey Anthony girl alive in the woods.....What does this mean?
  • im so sorry for your sadness, have you tried praying about this? you have been through alot in such a short time. i can only imagine how hard,sad and upsetting for you. i lost my daddy to cancer on thanksgiving day, and my dear grandma and uncle a couple of years before my dad passed, my dad and i used to talk alot before he went to be with Jesus,my dad always taught me to share and after he passed i felt in my heart that he taught me how important sharing was because now i have to share him with everyone in heaven(maybe this only makes since to me)daddy and i always talked alot about grandma and my uncle that had already passed and we would see these two beautiful butterflies always flying together in my yard. my dad told me some day i would see three because he would come around and fly with grandma and my uncle.. well it happened about two months after daddy had passed we have three butterfies that always fly together when i feel like looking out my window or deck there they are. they are all diff in color. when we planted a .tree on honor of my daddy the butterfly was right there. my son was helping me put it in the ground we took pictures, another time my son who was so very close to my dad, his grandpa landed on his hand right next to the yellow band my son still wears on his wrist, we were able to also take a picture as daddy sat on his wrist and crawled up his arm for quit some time, another time when my son was fixing this old boat up, that most people would of thrown out(that is just what daddy did he would fix old things up and give them a makeover)well my son was under the boat having a hard time getting discouraged, and once again there was my daddy the butterfly crawling up his pant legs, my son took his phone camera out and was able to take many pictures of this butterfly,(i was in the house at the time, when he showed me the pictures i wasn't shocked any more cause i know that daddy was under that boat helping my son get through a tough time trying to get this boat running
    we have kept all the pictures of my daddy the butterfly some day i wanna share all these many picture on the internet. the butterfly is diff than most in its colors, we see daddy alot more often the grandma and my uncle but if im really needing some help, advice or just sum lovin i always look or go out my back deck and i will find one of them, this is a true story with all my heart, ill tell you just yesterday, it had been a rough week my moms little dog that friends had bought fer her when daddy passed away she got him the same day daddy passed anyway little minnie thats the puppies name was hit by a van while my mom and sister were up at the lakes where mom and dad have cabin well they have been tryin to get the mess cleaned up after the awful flood and minnie ran out and got hit by van (my grandma was a avid fisherlady and loved bein at the cabin, im getting off track her but thats just how i am my sister and mom had to rush minnie ti vet hospital 2 hours away on a sat before this passed monday long story short the had to then send minnie ti madison er hospital pelvis broken in many pieces on both sides,broken femur all injuries on back end of her lucky though no organs had been hurt, she was in surgery for 6 hours,shes back home now,with lots of therapy, well while i was on the phone to mom last nite and she was so sad and everthing,over10 grand so far for minnies surgery, i got off phone and i just prayed still sitting at table and i felt grandma so close to my heart i opened up sliding back door and sure enough it was butterfly grandma she flew in my house flew to fireplace then back to the screen door i had opened i called mom while grandma butterfly was still on the screen i took a picture of her just chillin on the screen i took a picture and sent it to my mom, made her feel much better she said now she knows everything will be okay with minnie.
    my grandma loved ladybugs, so do i after she passed away i went to her grave sat done on the ground ladybugs everywhere the flowers were still fresh, and i took a couple to bring back home with me i put them on the seat of my car befor i got a block down the road ladybugs were flying all over in my car i just knew than that grandma will be with me forever,to this day im a big ladybug collector, im even gonna change my name on here to ladybug.i could go on and on but i wont, im not sure if this helped you, one thing i can say is just pray for what you want ,,,then wait ...patsy
  • This line stood out to me the most:

    and she said because I never really died.

    Your mom's body may be gone, but she is so obviously still with you. As are your grandparents. Some people who have passed choose feathers, rainbows, or other objects to let their loved ones know that they are still with them. Your family allows you to actually see them. They still love you, and know that you still need them here with you. Try not to let yourself get stressed out over these dreams, just lay back and bask in knowledge that you get to see them again.
  • My mother passed away in 2002, when I was 14, after struggling with breast cancer for a number of years. A few nights before she died I had this extremely vivid dream of all her grandparents up in my attic telling me that I'm strong and my Dad would take care of me, etc. I didn't think much of that dream until she actually passed away a few days later.

    For a year or two after her death, I didn't dream of her at all. I was actually starting to get jealous of some of my family because they always talked about these wonderful dreams, and I had nothing.

    Eventually I starting dreaming about her. Very random dreams, but I can still remember bits and pieces of all of them. They were of her giving me advice, just sitting quietly with me on the beach, telling me how much I've grown, etc. I never wanted to wake up from those dreams. I would try to force myself back to sleep, but that never worked.

    Occasionally I have nightmares about her though. I actually relive a lot of the worst parts of her dealing with the cancer, especially the night she died. I've had this dream at least a couple times a month for the past 4 years. Whenever I have this specific recurring dream, I wake up with sleep paralysis, trying to scream in my sleep. (My fiance says that when I'm actually able to scream in my sleep it sounds like I'm yodeling.) [(

    But anyway, I know how you feel about not wanting to leave your dreams. Sometimes I wish I could just dream about her forever, to be able to talk to her about everything I'm going through and have her respond and comfort me.

    If you ever want to talk about anything, I'm constantly checking SH, so feel free to PM me. It's nice to be able to talk to people that can understand. :-C

    Amanda
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