since i've cut back on my normal pain medications, and started neurotin and/or lyrica--i've tried both and both seem to do the same mental things--i have had severe depression. i'm suicidal and scared and probably need to go to a hospital but i'm too afraid.
i'm not myself. i look in the mirror. i can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying. i look that different.
i cry constantly. and i don't know what to do. i was doing fine on the oxycontin for 3 years and now i can't find a doctor to prescribe the same because of a big scare in the newspapers. a pcp lost his license and that happened to be my doctor, even though he never prescribed me pain meds, save for when i moved back and my pain clinic didn't want me anymore.
the old pain clinic i had for 7 years didn't even give me a reason why they wouldn't treat me anymore.
i'm going nuts on these new meds. choice between unbearable pain and insanity. i don't know what to do. i can't deal with the pain, but i don't want to go insane and i'm sick of crying all day long. i can't think.
i can't work. i've lost my longtime editing client of 7 years because i can't function. i used to be intelligent and i feel like my iq went down 80 points.
i won't even answer the phone to speak to friends i used to know because i can't communicate and forget everything.
i'm afraid to tell my pain mgt. doctor. he was the only one that would take me as a patient. i saw 6 doctors and none wanted me. i have nerve pain in the left sacral area and all that shows up on an mri is a slight bulging disc. i've been in pain since 1997, lost my uterus first, then ovaries as docs thought it was causing pain, then husband.
i'm a new patient now and the pm doc wants me off the opiates. he took me from 240 oxy and 4 hydromorphone a day to a 50 fentnaly. i can't tolerate pain without lyrica or neurontin and i've told him neurontin was causing cysts and boils so he put me on lyrica, but he lyrica is even worse mentally, so i started taking neurontin again but still having psych problems.
i cry all day and my face is distorted.
i cannot think at all nor read and i have a masters in literature and used ot read a novel a week, plus write. i used to be a published author and now my brain feels fried and dead. i can't think at all.
and i look like hell in the mirror. all puffy and red-faced.
i feel like a ghost of what i was 4 months ago.
if i tell the pain mgt. doctor, he will not work with me as he doesn't like prescribing opiates.
i'm afraid that if i say anything to him he will just think i want back on opiates which did work and then he won't hlep me and i can't find another doctor.
has anyone experienced loss of sanity from neurontin or lyrica? i am not having opiate withdrawal symptoms at all even though i think the patch is about 1/3 of what i was taking. i know the doctor is cutting me back way too fast, but i'm too scared to tell him because he made it clear that he wants me off the opiates.
he said he would go slow, though.
does the fentynal patch make you feel suicidal and depressed?
i'm on all new drugs and i hate myself. i dont' know how much longer i can take this. i want my old self back. i liked myself in august. how can i change so much? i don't look the same in the mirror. my mother states at me like i'm a freak.
i don't have a supportive family. i've been crying so much that my father calls me cry-baby so i hide in the detached tiny room i live in save to go into the house to get food and bring it back.
i don't feel human anymore. i used to be a nice person. and know i'm too afraid to even call my friends as i think they will notice the change and i will lose them. i need to get better first. i'm embarrassed to go out of the house because i look so strange with the edema in my face.
am i suicidally depressed to the point of looking up life-term mental institutions because of the withdrawal from the opiates? i've been on opiate meds since 2000. started pain mgt. in 2001 at 30 mg. methadone, then was switched to 120 oxycontin, then 240.
i also tried morphine sulfate, 300 mgs a day, and i was fine on that even though it was less than the oxy.
i have tried cutting back on the opiates before on my own to assess my pain lvls, as back in march 2008, my pain was down to 3-4. i remember a lot of pain, but not suicidal and insanity like i am now.
is it a mixture of the neurontin/lyrica and opiate withdrawals that is causing severe depression.
i just hope the epidural works on the 12th and i can stop taking the neurontin and/or lyrica. both do the same. i can't afford to lose the only pain mgt. doctor who will even give me an epidural. if this depression gets any worse, i'm going to have to check into a mental institution. i am not myself at all. i feel like i'm going crazy.
sorry this is so long. i can't think and repeat myself and don't know where to go. i didn't even want my therapist to see me. i feel like i am a different person from 2 weeks ago and i know i look different. i can't speak normally anymore nor think nor communicate.
i just want to know what's causing it>? is it the neurontin and/or lyrica? or is it the change from oxy to fentyal or is it just the lowering of the dose of opiates?
i don'tknow what to cut back on. my pain doc also wants me on celebrex and i don't even want to add another medication right now. i don't have arthritis. i have nerve pain.
it's very localized, always been in the left sacral area and very painful like a shard of glass being twirled around.
i hate this. before i moved back here, i was fine. i felt good and was working with a doctor in california who was going to wait until my life calmed down then cut back on the opiates very slowly.
i told him i couldn't take ssri's or epileptic medications. i had tried them before, for like one day and i just couldn't take it.
but now i have no choice. i can't deal with the pain without the neuroton/lyrica--neurontin works better--and the side effects are making mem lose my mind.
i just want to be functional enough to work so i can move from my parents home which is toxic and then when i'm calm and happy, i want to try to cut back.
my former doctor didn't want to change my opiate medications due to my depression. but the pain docs here are all very frightened about prescribing and i don't dare tell them anything. i just take what they give me.
but i don't want to go crazy or commit suicide. my cats are the only things that keep me alive. if i could find a syringe and sommething to put them to sleep i would put them and me to sleep. but i won't let them go to an animal shelter and abandon them.
if anyone has any experiences with these drugs in combination with withdrawing from opiates after 8 years and apost traumatic stress disorder, which i have as well from an abusive marriage which i believe caused the nerve injury in the first place, please pm me.
is this going to pass? do i just need to hold on? should i stop the lyrica/neurontin and deal with the withdrawals and hope that i regain my sanity even though the pain will drive me crazy?
i guess if i can wait until the 12th and the epidural works--never had one--maybe hte pain won't be too bad.
i went through cymbalta withdrawals back in 2006 and i was suicidal from that. it took six months for mem to feel normal and i was cutting down very very slow. i don't want to get dependent on lyrica/neurontin. i had to have someone baby-sit me for 2 weeks on the last part of cymbalta withdrawal, but i don't have people like that here to help. and i was down to opening the capsules and counting 10 little beads out of the 300 on the last week and then every other day and i still felt the tingles in my head.
i'm very sensitive to ssri's. can't take any of them. i've tried. and i think i'm having the same problem with neurton/lyrica but these do help the pain. cymbalta did nothing.
do i have to decide between sanity and unbearable pain?
i wish i could find a doctor that would put me back on the meds i was on for 3 years that worked so well that i thought i could cut back a bit on my own. now i'm nuts and broken.
i want god to take me off this planet. i am smoking too again after quit for 10 years. i just don't care aobut myeself anymore. i don't have a brain anymore. i can't write. and i'm a novelist and i cannot do anything i used to do.
i can't live like this.