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I know I'm being irrational, but...

LoLLo Posts: 694
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:25 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
Has anyone else ever gotten annoyed with listening to someone complain about their back pain to you when it's just a regular old back ache like the entire population gets? I feel bad for getting irritated by it, but it's almost like... Come on. Someone with actual spinal issues is the wrong person to complain about your back ache to. I wish mine would go away with something as simple as heat and rest. Like, they'll ask me how I'm doing and I'll tell them, and they're always like, oh yeah, I know exactly what you mean, I get that all the time, too. Obviously they don't when they're out running and jumping and doing things like normal. I don't get why they feel the need to minimize my pain and maximize theirs, especially when they are the ones asking me how I'm doing. It's like, so... We have the same pain, but you are able to work, do cartwheels, flip on trampolines... And I'm sitting here with metal in my spine, unable to touch my toes, out of work for a year and a half, and on nearly 20 pills a day? I dunno. I feel like a jerk for even caring enough to put it into words. And an even bigger jerk for admitting I feel this way. It's totally irrational for it to bother me... Illogical... Unreasonable... But I can't help it. Am I alone in this or has anyone else ever felt anything similar?
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Comments

  • Nope--you are not alone.
    What irritates me are people who CAN get into shape, have no back issues, yet they allow themselves to get out of shape, while I would love to be able to go and exercise hard every day. Also, the people who abuse pain meds when they don't have any pain. Whenever people tell me about their back, I'll usually ask one or two questions and it is pretty easy to figure out who does and doesn't have injury type pain going on. Well...we just have to stay positive--but venting is good too. :)

    Chuck
  • you hit a nerve with me.
    I try not to say much about my back pain & then when I do It's like they are either trying to compete with my pain or 1 up me. I just don't say anything anymore. People don't want to hear it anyway. What I really hate is when I have to explain why I can't do something like lift a box at work or drive 2 hours or even shop all day, they always say "You're too young to have all these problems" that line really p---- me off.
    And I'm 41..I can imagine you get that sensless remark too.

    Like I stood in the "I want Fibromyalgia with a side of back problems" line. grrrrrrrrr!!!
  • For all of those people that approach me and see the scar on my neck and then proceed to tell me about their uncle, aunt, distant cousin or whatever and they tell me about how it's just such a simple procedure and how quickly Aunt Whoever recovered. I just smile and say nothing and usually change the subject. And the "I know how you feel", comment gets me. NO YOU DON'T! You do not have a scar on your neck and just because you have a crick in your neck that a little rubbing will get rid in NO WAY compares to the pain that I have had to go through.
  • Hit the nail on the head. I didn't read her post until after I finished. People are always trying to feel worse than you. I hurt too is always the comment. Well guess what so do I but I'm like you I WILL NOT complain publicly. (Well except for here of course)I confide in a few friends but the rest of the world get that smile on my face glad to see you look. I think it goes to the misery loves company idea.
  • In my case, it's more like I feel people think I use it as an excuse to not participate. Like when I say "I can't go to your party after all, my back really hurts", they're like "ookkk, well take care then". =; I would prefer the empathetic "you poor thing!". Not that I want the sympathy, but that I want the acknowledgement that they believe I have a serious problem. =(( When I was diagnosed last year with the 11 milimeter herniation, I was like "See! I wasn't lying!". :< :< And it's not like anyone has ever accused me of making it up. However, I will admit I am one of those who care entirely waaaaaay too much about what other people think. So part of the problem is my own. 8} 8}

    And Chuck... I read your post and laughed. Only because it struck a cord. I have battled weight my entire life. However, was not so over weight that it "handicapped" me to an extent. I could climb stairs, tie my shoes, no prob. I didn't work out, and I should of. L) And let me tell you, now that I physically can't work out, I'm like "you're such an idiot, should have done it when you had the chance". :| #o We all know how hard it is to exercise in our condition. And trust me, I am not offended at all by your statement. :D :D I actually agree, but it's pointed at myself. ~X(

    Good topic Lo! =D> =D> =D>

    Caity
  • How bout when they act like you're LYING }:) because you were able to something a week ago that you CANNOT do today!
    (coworkers are the worst, but occasionally extended family members are guilty of this)

  • I understand totally. I generally won't even ask them any questions, though. I just say, oh... That sucks. Lol. Staying positive is crucial, you're right. And I agree, venting is good too. I am so glad that someone understands and doesn't think I'm the world's biggest a-hole.
  • Not to judge people that you perceive to be able to work out and lose weight too harshly. Some people may have mental, emotional or physical issues that keep them overweight and you may just not be aware of them. It is kind of like someone passing judgement on you when they have not walked in your shoes. I don't think that anyone likes being overweight and out of shape so it is always better to assume that they may have some type of issues also rather than assume that they are just lazy.
    BTW- I am not offended either but just giving you another point of view.
  • I TOTALLY feel you on the explaining thing. That gets so annoying. Eventually it's like you just want to give up and let them think whatever they want.

    1-upping. UGH! I hate that. There is actually one person in my life that we jokingly call (name)-one-upper, just because they're like that on every topic. The term is great, it totally fits the crime. Like it's some kind of competition, right? It's like, I don't need to argue over whose back pain is worse, but don't sit there the day after I get home the hospital after a 360 fusion and tell me you know how I feel, while you're out with your friends at the bar texting me. No you don't. Lol. It's kind of just like... You wanna say "leave me aloneeeee!" If they're going to be that way I'd much rather just not talk about that subject. Ya know?

    Oh yeah I get that one all the time. You're only 22, how bad can your back be? Um... I dunno. Look at the 6 incisions I have on my back/stomach combined from just this year, and then ask me again. It's like they're almost insulting your credibility. I would NOT let someone cut me open and remove a disc and screw metal into my spine if I didn't NEED it. I do understand that they don't understand unless they've experienced it. I suppose that's a pretty generalized rule, though, huh? Blah.
  • Definitely. A crick fixed with a rub and a bad spine fixed with surgery are two totally different things. The nurses in the hospital were like that with me. They told me and my roommate, who had the same surgery I did by the same doctor... That most people were up that same day and walking the very next morning. Now, mind you, we both had 360s, and had incisions on both our stomachs and backs, and neither one of us were given adequate pain control. The nurse was belittling us and making us feel like crap because we weren't chomping at the bit to get up. I barely even REMEMBER the day of surgery... Except that I got stuck in a room with a mentally challenged patient... And nothing against her, but she would scream and have HUGE fits at ear piercing sound levels that made me want to punch someone, being just out of surgery and feeling like I got jumped by a football team. Lol. UGH. Some people are just oblivious to their insensitivity, I think. I don't think everyone maliciously does it... Some just don't notice it. I'm sure I don't notice a lot of my flaws, so... I guess if they post on a forum complaining about me, I won't mind!
  • Im having that trouble right now with people I work with, I do not want to go to the Christmas party, for my own reason, 1 its going to cost to much right now, 2 I hate wearing this collar and its uncomfortaable, 3 I wont be able to dance and last, i hate answering all the questions like, when are you coming back? why are you still sore? how about Milking this huh? My God, I hate that one
    No one knows what we go and have gone through to get to this point, wether we are 20 or 70... They also think I have no Christmas spirit if I dont go... Its not easy to have it right now, but I am trying to have it and keep positive that things will work out for us.... Okay need to go to bed now,,, Ambien is starting to kick in... LOL..
    Thanks to all you wonderful people out there, this is my saving grace....
  • I hate that, too. And then you start to look at yourself and wonder if you're making excuses because they are so sure you are... But of course the pain brings you back to reality. It sucks that one has to experience it to understand... Because I wouldn't wish it upon anyone... And yet I wish they would understand.. . So, it's just a nice conundrum. Gotta love em!

    I'm sure you will feel so much better after your surgery... And after physical therapy, and then exercising in a way that won't hurt your body, and won't take you through the ringer.

    I'm glad you guys understand and actually have expanded on the topic so much :)
  • I completely sympathize with you. I can totally see where you are coming from, and I would feel the same way! It's kind of a lose-lose. I think the best way to retain some Christmas spirit would be to definitely stick with what makes you more comfortable. They might think you're a grinch if you don't go, but you might feel like the grinch if you do.

    I wish I had some Ambien :( I am like, the queen of insomnia. Lol.
  • I totally understand when people or friends or anyone in contact with you complains of back pain. I am so glad you brought this up because I always feel so bad for being so angry when someone around me complains or even calls into work due to their back pain. Since mine has started I have never once called into work or even used it as an excuse for anything at that, even when my dr has given me notes and reasons to take off work I never have until my surgery. I have a friend who has back pain and everytime I even try and talk about it there is always a competitive tone in her voice and I am like thats not even why I am saying anything. I understand back pain more then anyone why are you trying to make it into 'mine is worse then yours". And then when you have people who abuse their medications to enhance their "back pain" it makes it even more frusterating for me. Lo, I am so happy you brought this up because it is so frusterating to those of us who actually have gone through these surgeries! Laying in bed with these incisions and going through what we have gone through its like they think its all better and we are just ok. I am only 24 and people think I am making a big deal out of my surgery and my recovery..."oh your young I am sure your feeling just fine now"...or "your so young you are bouncing back and can do what you want" hello I just had surgery 3 weeks ago! What is wrong with people! Sorry I just vented alot but I am so glad I can to everyone!
    xo michelle
    P.S Thank you Lo! >:D<
  • I never went to the xmas party either although they said come in a wheelchair and I'm tired of explaining I can't sit, can't walk, can't stand. I've been off work 10 months and nothing has really changed. I don't think I'll be able to go back. I worked with someone who went to pt just before coming to work and she had sciatica all the time so when I went off work and visited once she says well I'm still working. I told her I can't walk. Anyway so true about coworkers, I know mine is worse but she didn't seem to think so. Oboy. I'm sure if she keeps working she may end up like me. Anyways, I hope not. I'm taking oxazapam to help me sleep and extra strong sleepytime tea with valerian.I hope you get some sleep Lo.Things seem to ache more without proper rest right? Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I've had a cervical fusion and a PLIF and it really angers me when ppl think they know the pain I endure on a daily basis just to lead a somewhat normal existence. :W
    What a joke! I mean some days it hurts so bad just to get out of bed yet those of us spineys know how hard it is to slap on a smile afterwards and make the best of it even when you just want to curl up and cry. I hate feeling sorry for myself, I'm sure there's ppl all over the world with fates worse than mine...I just wish ppl would think before they open their mouths. Everything I do hurts, every day...not just on some days, not just for a few minutes..ALL the time. How could someone know what it feels like unless they've been through it?! ~X(
    They haven't had a doctor tell them that unless they had surgery they'd be in a wheelchair paralyzed, they aren't full of titanium rods, plates and screws, they don't have to swallow countless amounts of narcotics, nerve pills and sleeping pills just to live a semi-normal life even though the pills make us nauseated and sick to our stomachs. They don't have to worry about just how long they have until their next surgery which isnt even a 'for sure' fix.
    I would give ANYTHING for one pain-free day.... They don't have to make a wish like that and if theyre lucky, they never will.



    Best Wishes My Spiney Friends,
    Christina >:D<


  • Drives me nuts. I don't even tell her how I feel because sure enough, if I am having a flare-up, she'll be down too. And my sister--I better not get started on her. If she has a hang nail it is a huge deal. It is a good thing we live thousands of miles apart or I would hate her. Sometimes it would be nice to be able to call mom and just ay I'm hurting bad today. but I have learned not to even tell her when I have a doctor appointment. It just isn't worth all the drama that then ensues.

    And then there are the do gooders who try to tell me that if I would just go for a walk, I would feel better. Just think about something else and your pain won't be as bad. Or "innocently" ask how long it has been since my surgery, implying that I should get on with life and get over it. Maybe I'm a little sensitive over it because I agree, I should be able to get over it. But that is not the way it is.

    I could rant on for hours about so called friends and family members. I don't get an ounce of help from my mother, and my sister is way too far away, but you better bet when she needs something I better come running to help her (well, maybe slowly walking...).

    Lo, you're not alone. I think this is a commonality we all share. Unfortunately I haven't learned enough patience yet, but I'm trying.

    Cindy
    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • People who have not experienced what we have are ignorant...not stupid, but ignorant. They really don't know any better. If the worse pain they have every had is a hangnail, then that's their only frame of reference for pain. There is no WAY they can relate to our pain, but they want to try. It use to bother me (and still does sometimes, especially when I get remarks like, "Your back STILL hurts after 6 months?") Then I just politely tell them that it can take 2 years. See, ya gotta instruct them so they won't continue to be so ignorant of the facts. =)) =))

    It does hurt when your own family can't understand that you hurt. My daughter told me yesterday that she needed help getting the leaves up out of the yard. "Mom, all you gotta do is hold the blower, surely you can do that." This 38-yr.old lives with me and knows it hurts me just to wash dishes up in the sink. I just gotta instruct her a bit more to get rid of that ignorant streak in her!!!
  • We were all there once.

    I could never have fathomed the misery I would go through, physically, mentally and emotionally, before any of this happened.

    How can they? Some of them may be genuinely trying to be a good friend, a good co-worker, a good family member. Should we throw all of them under the bus just because of a few disingenuous individuals?

    Ranting is good for the soul. I don't disagree with that and do my fair share of it from time to time. I just find it's important that I remember my "roots" when feeling the need to rant.

    "C"
  • I'm not ranting about those who truly have pain, but not to the extent that requires surgical intervention. I'm talking about people who have no medical issues... Just have a back ache one day and try to minimize my situation.

    Trust me, at 22, your friends don't get it. Your friends don't have back problems. Your friends are all out partying, having fun, going to clubs, bars, etc... They don't understand why I can't work, because they work, even though they sometimes get back pain. It's just insensitive in my opinion.

    There is a difference between not knowing... And ignorantly judging. I never ignorantly judged. Never would. Speculate, maybe... But never make a person feel bad because of their situation, or tell them to suck it up and get on with life. That's cruel. There are a lot of different aspects to this... So I think ranting is totally justified. I thought maybe I was the only person who felt this way, but judging by the responses in such a short period of time, it seems it's a common occurrence, and they even expanded so much on it... Things I totally didn't mention in my post, but have totally felt before, and do still feel at times. Now that I know I am not alone, I don't feel like a bad person. And no one now will convince me that I'm doing something wrong for expressing my emotions. I am not far from my roots... I'm only 22. Back pain is pretty much all I remember. I climbed the hill slowly... No injuries.. And I watched my mom and sister go through it first, and never felt anything but sadness for them... Wished I could make their pain go away.

    I think it's kind of ridiculous to insinuate anyone is throwing them under the bus. To insinuate we're doing something wrong when they judge us for being in pain, for not getting back to work when THEY think we should, for making condescending remarks that hit where it hurts... Not fair. So... That's really all I have to say to that.
  • I think how you feel is very normal. It is so frustrating. And I can only imagine that at age 22, your friends really don't get it.

    But you know what I get more of? People with "the answer" for all my problems. Oh, they've had sciatica and here's how they fixed it. I have permanent nerve damage, though, and they just don't have an ability to understand. I don't think they mean to be mean/rude/insensitive at all. Like "C", I also never truly understood until I suffered. I was never judgmental and tried to never be rude, but I'm sure I tried to be "helpful" also. Now, of course, I wish I had just listened.

    And for me, this time of year makes it even harder. I had to cancel Thanksgiving travel plans and likely will have to cancel Christmas. I just can't trigger that nerve flare at this point "on purpose". I'm hoping to get the SCS permanent implant, but won't know for a while how soon that will be.

    I miss my life, I miss my friends, I miss my freedom. I wish I had realized the value of health.

    Hang in there - we understand!!

    Cheri

  • Lo said:
    I'm not ranting about those who truly have pain, but not to the extent that requires surgical intervention. I'm talking about people who have no medical issues... Just have a back ache one day and try to minimize my situation.
    I was referring to the time when I had no concept of pain, permanent injury or disability. When I was younger and felt indestructible.
    Lo said:
    Trust me, at 22, your friends don't get it. Your friends don't have back problems. Your friends are all out partying, having fun, going to clubs, bars, etc... They don't understand why I can't work, because they work, even though they sometimes get back pain. It's just insensitive in my opinion.
    At any age, especially when out having fun, it's easy for someone who has never experienced severe pain let alone chronic pain, to say and do things that seem insensitive.
    Lo said:
    There is a difference between not knowing... And ignorantly judging. I never ignorantly judged. Never would. Speculate, maybe... But never make a person feel bad because of their situation, or tell them to suck it up and get on with life. That's cruel.
    That just means you are a better person than they are, doesn't necessarily make them a bad person though.
    Lo said:
    There are a lot of different aspects to this... So I think ranting is totally justified. I thought maybe I was the only person who felt this way, but judging by the responses in such a short period of time, it seems it's a common occurrence, and they even expanded so much on it... Things I totally didn't mention in my post, but have totally felt before, and do still feel at times.
    You are correct, there are many different aspects to this, and I am just presenting a different aspect.
    Lo said:
    Now that I know I am not alone, I don't feel like a bad person. And no one now will convince me that I'm doing something wrong for expressing my emotions. I am not far from my roots... I'm only 22. Back pain is pretty much all I remember. I climbed the hill slowly... No injuries.. And I watched my mom and sister go through it first, and never felt anything but sadness for them... Wished I could make their pain go away.
    No one called you a bad person. In fact someone who can have such anguish for a mom and a sister without ever experiencing this first hand, is quite a remarkable person.

    Remembering our roots, is simply remembering a time when we had no concept of pain, permanent injury or disability. When life was about living and making a living, without the issues we now face.
    Lo said:
    I think it's kind of ridiculous to insinuate anyone is throwing them under the bus. To insinuate we're doing something wrong when they judge us for being in pain, for not getting back to work when THEY think we should, for making condescending remarks that hit where it hurts... Not fair. So... That's really all I have to say to that.
    When I think back over the years, when I had no clue what it was like to really have a back issue, I know I was not as understanding then as I am now when someone claimed to have a bad back or sore back. As a supervisor I had to make sure the task at hand got done and as a co-worker, I didn't want to be carrying the entire load. I wouldn't doubt it if I made a remark about "getting back to work" or "suck it up". It wasn't done out of spite or to be condescending or to judge, it was simply not knowing, not having any idea what it's like, and having a mission to complete.

    So I choose to remember my roots and to not throw everyone under the bus for making a remark that might not necessarily be one I enjoy hearing.

    "C"
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,717
    I've read all of these posts and everyone has some specifics regarding this situation. I see two points that have come out of this thread:

    1 People that whine
    2 Defending your condition

    Both of these have irritated me over the years. I listed people that whine as first, because I see that as people being totally clueless and void of feelings when it comes to people relations. Yes, I couldn't even begin to count the number of times and the number of different people that have approached me about their 'back' problems. It never amazes me how easily some of these people will just about 'force it down your throat' that they are having back problems and that their situation is Far worse then what anyone else has ever experienced. I might find that easier to swallow from someone I really dont know, but when it comes from people that are close to you and KNOW that you have had problems. Its almost like a One-Upper.
    I see this here at times, a post is made and a member talks about their situation, some posts then do not really discuss the original post, but instead go on and on about their condition, how bad it is and how they have Pain Levels 10+ every day.

    Then its the people that do know that you have problems and go overboard, yet still dont understand. I have gotten so tired of people asking me how is your back?, that my response has been to ask them a question, change the subject and not answer their question. Then its those folks that when they see you, they say "Oh you are looking good today, you must feel ok" For chronic pain sufferers,
    this can be almost normal. we dont like to demonstrate or showcase our problems, so we try to act and look 'normal',
    even though inside we are hurting so bad. I guess the only way to prevent that is to wear some type of sticker on our foreheads saying "I am in pain"

    Finally, I think one thing that LO brought up that can make it more difficult is Age Not that age discriminates when it comes to pain, but at 50 or 60, we know there are things we no longer do, even if we didnt have spinal problems. But when you are young, you are 'suppose' to be able to do everything. That has to make dealing with day to day situations hard. When you can't go to the bar this night or go hiking that day, etc... because you are in so much pain. That is very hard for others to understand.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • On the old SH boards, we had a thread about our Cavemen(husbands). We love them very much and normally they are supportive, but every once in a while they say or do the dumbest things that drive us nuts! So here's one of my caveman stories.

    My husband, who plays football, hadn't worked out in a while and started back up. He did a lot of lunges in one day. He came home and said, "Oh honey, now I know how the pain in your legs feels!" Oh yes he did say that!!!!! :)

    I think sometimes he just needs a little attention himself since a lot is focused on me, but still, he's never felt like acid is being dripped down his legs or a railroad spike is being pounded into his big toe, nor would I wish it on him.

    Most people could not handle our pain if they had 5 minutes of it. I think they are just ignorant and are trying to make a conversation connection sometimes becuz they are uncomfortable with us or don't understand chronic pain. That doesn't make it OK, just is what my explanation is.
  • Oh ernurse, that is too funny! I have a very supporting husband. Doesn't let me bend over to pick anything up, helps me get dressed in the morning, warns people if they are being silly rough with me to watch my back, bla bla bla. But the other day he wanted me to take care of a bill or something and he says "this is something that your back won't stop you from doing". That really hurt. I know he totally gets the pain I'm in cuz he sees my face, but it just kind of validates what I mentioned before about people thinking I use it as an excuse.

    And Ron, about the whole "how's your back" question. I can't get mad because the people who ask really do care. But, your're right, I just want to put it out there "I'm in pain, it sucks". :))( :))(
    People will say they know what it's like for their back to hurt. And I say "oh, so you know the feeling when your literally feel the pressure of your vertabraes sitting on top of each other, like your back is broken, mixed with fire from hip to hip, at the same time feeling like your getting stabbed with an ice pick? Wow, glad I'm not alone!". OK, now I'm being fecisious. }:) }:)

    I also agree with C though. We shouldn't be too harsh, because it is ignorance, plain and simple.

    I too, Lo, tend to be empathetic, and have known people in the past with back problems. Before I had mine. And remember just telling them how sorry I was and how miserable it must be.

    You would think that when I tell someone that I have no disk left in my back, that would totally make them understand. But perhaps because I can still walk, they find it hard to believe I really hurt. Who knows.

    Good topic!

    Caity
  • Lo,

    I certainly understand your issues with people trying to compare their issues with yours. Before getting too upset with them, think about this:

    I had back pain on-and-off for 19 years before my surgery. When it acted up, many people did not believe me when I said I was in pain. The only time they would believe me was when it was so bad that I could not bend, or had to twist in weird ways to reach something on the floor/ground.

    My back problems would flare up 3-4 times per year and last 2-4 weeks at a time. After several years of this cycle, I knew I had back problems, but still did my usual activities when I could. So, I would jog/run, play golf, fly planes, etc. I did these activities even when in severe pain (except flying - that would be too dangerous).

    It took a lot to get me to finally see a doctor about my back. I had tried most of the conservative approaches first, such as PT, chiropractor, massage, acupuncture, etc. With that information, the first specialist I saw did an MRI and found a disc protrusion displacing a nerve root. He sent me to a pain specialist who did a series of steroid injections and then referred me to my surgeon.

    I put myself through years of on-and-off discomfort before finally getting off my butt to see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis and treatment.

    I guess my message is - it is horrible that you have had to go through everything you have, especially at your age. However, don't assume that just because someone complains about their back but never had surgery, that they do not have a real problem that may require surgery, including getting instrumentation. They may be scared to find out what is really wrong with them. They may be scared they will be told they need fusion surgery. I know some people like this.

    Certainly, there are people who have non-severe back aches and try to compare themselves to you. There are also people who will try to one-up you. They are not right doing that, but the question is, do you really know who these people are? How can you be sure they don't really have a problem that would require spinal surgery?

    Prior to my surgery, when someone mentioned their back pain to me, I would sympathize with them and mention my own sporadic problems. At that time, who knew that my condition required surgery?

    Instead of getting angry, perhaps you should give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they have a serious problem, but are not as strong as you are to go to the doctor and deal with it. Perhaps they are trying to sympathize with you and it just comes across as an attempt to minimize your condition.

    Having said all that, in those cases where you do know the person has no real spinal problem, I agree that it is annoying that they try to one-up you. Instead of getting mad, maybe we should feel bad for them, that they need to resort to such tactics to get attention for themselves.
  • I have experienced that myself,and all I do is listen and say sorry you're going thru that. When I go thru something, they go thru it as well. Their pain is so bad, and yet they can ivolve themselves in activities that I cannot. I understand that it's natural for people to want to speak of their pain to others, even though it doesn't equate to someone whose pain is greater.
  • Boy can I relate. My husband just told me today that I am faking this whole thing. I couldn't beleive him. I said yeah, I faked surgery, mri and ct scans. I am so mad. My gma is a oneupper. It's hard to tell my dad how I feel because he is in a wheelchair because of back problems and he looks at me like well at least you can still walk. I've had people treat me as if I was milking it to get time off from work. I truly found out who my real friends were through this and it wasn't the ones I thought to be my bestfriends for years. Those I was closest too didn't even call me or show up at the hospital and haven't talked to me since before surgery.

    I can understand that people don't like hearing people complain about the same things so I try not to talk about it unless I am asked. That's why I am here because only you guys truly know what it's like and can be sympathetic and understanding.
  • Gee, that's rough. I thought maybe your dad would have more compassion and understanding and you guys would be closer due to this shared condition. I can tell you are a strong person and I know you have the mental fortitude to withstand all that is happening in your life.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,717
    benefits of Spine-Health is NOT in all the information you can obtain, but the understanding and compassion of other members. So many of us are in similar situations, so we you say something, describe a pain, detail a problem, we can related. You can't put that value into numbers or expressions, its a feeling and comfort you can get here.


    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
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