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kyadog115kkyadog115 Posts: 266
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:25 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
I need to admit here that I re-lapsed. I'm so frustrated with not being able to find a new surgeon and now this lung issue. Thanks to all you guys here that care. I live alone and am single and don't have really anyone to discuss thigs with.
Thanks for listening



  • Paul, it's normal to have them, especially under times of stress. With addiction, when you give something up, you must have something positive to replace it with. A hobby is a good one, but I know you aren't feeling well. Fear of what may happen is a good deterant. If you can't stop, then you will have a hard time finding a doctor who will help with your back. For now, just take baby steps, get your lung condition taken care of, and start again. You may have lost one battle, but you can still win the war. Believe in yourself, no one can do it but you. You have to want to quit and it will be the hardest thing you do. It may take several relapses but don't give up, every day is a new one. I pray you make it through this and everyone here wants you to succeed.
  • Paul,
    I am sorry to hear you relapsed. You really never have to use again....... you have to really want it. Recovery is for those who want it, not need it. Face it if all those that needed it, got it this would be a very different world.The numbers use to be for alcohol 2-37 would make it.for drugs it is like 2 3700. So it is always best to know the beast you are attacking.
    It generally never works on your own either. If you are truly serious you will get yourself some help. AA/NA and outside help are a great place to start. BG made a great suggestion. Carry some candy in your pocket, get some phone numbers of others who are trying and staying clean, call them and ask them how they are doing it. Attend some meetings.
    Getting clean is not like winning the lottery, it is there for all who want it, and it is real simple. Also easiier when you stop buying the drug of your choice and hanging out with the same people.
    So sobriety is not a mystery, it takes participation on your part, and for you to change a lot of things you are currently doing. All of which are making your situation worse. It is not the doctors, but your addiction you should be angry with. Because you are single and live alone are not reasons to use. Use them to your advantage, you have no one to answer too and all the time to get clean.
    Personally what do you have to lose, and have you even really tried it???
    I wish you the best, it is so doable.
    First step = stop buy chit and you want have to make post like this.
    maybe you should also look for an addiction site?

    put the bat away and use a feather to beat yourself up with. You cannot change yesterday,, but man you could change the rest of your life. Choice is yours????
  • Aww shucks!! You were doing so well!!! But, today is a NEW day and you CAN beat the monster. A support group of some kind is essential for you...so hard to beat anything all on your own. I will be praying that you find a way out of this. I know it won't be easy and having pain on top of everything else makes it worse. Like others have said, it will probably be hard to find another doctor that will treat you unless you are ABSOLUTELY honest with them. It may take a few tries, but you can do this!! Many, many hugs to you today. All of us here will be here to support you in any way possible...there's someone around here 24/7, so take advantage of it.
  • Hey Paul,

    One thing someone close to me told me he asks himself is:
    IF I do drink, do drugs, have sex (insert addiction here ;) ) it will make me feel good for (insert time here-1 minute, 1 hour).
    But the consequences will be: (insert consequences here - can't get surgery, lose my surgeon, lose job, home etc.)
    Take ONE MINUTE and think it thru, just ONE minute.
    You are obviously thinking about it, so take that minute...
    and go to meetings, the power of many is so much greater than the power of one.
  • An addition such as this is difficult to give up cold turkey especially with all the trials and tribulations you've had recently. Please get some help with this and we will support you, one day at a time. Please, try to think of positive ways to deal with the things that are happening to you rather than sulking and cover up your emotions with illegal drugs. I am not judging at all and I am here to support your. I appreciate your honesty and pray that you will continue to seek the straight and narrow path and seek help through NA. Your doctors will take you more seriously if they know you are getting help for your addiction.

    I will be praying for you and hope that things get better for you.
  • You'll never get the feeling of that first high. Keep trying to quit. Maybe a support group could help you. Never give up. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • . . . to let you know you're on my mind.

    Don't beat yourself up too much . . .

    Walk good.
  • sorry typed wrong #'s there
    It is 1 in 37 people for alcohol
    and it is 1 in 37oo for drugs

    One last question, are you smoking coke or snorting it.
    While it is coke at the end of the day, big difference.
    so smoke crack or snorting???
  • Do you have a church? Check in to your local churches, they often have their own, or are affiliated with a substance abuse recovery program. Especially large churches. I know my church as well as several other local ones have 12 step programs. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I truly believe it helps to have a higher power to turn to in your time of need. Good-luck to you on your recovery journey. >:D< Cali-Sue
  • Yes, so true..their is a world of difference......I am a smoker,unfortunately.
  • Hi everyone and thanks again for the heartfelt comments&support. I saw my primary yesterday.I was totally honest with him,about the relapse and getting booted from my Neuro's practice. Of course he had those notes anyway. However,he put me on 75mg of the Fentanayl patch and gave me hydrocodone 10/325 for "break" thru pain. he doesnt like giving me those because he knows I have addiction issues. My pastor at my local Christian church is supposed to hook me up w/some guys from the local mission.It is a Christ centered program but involves recocvery. My Primary Doctor is going to look into this for me as well. I just had 2 x-rays done at the hospital on the lung. Now they say......Thank God, that it doesnt appear to be in the lung at all but actually in the breast area. They think it could be scar tissue or calcification. They are not certain. Once they send the report to my primary, I will review the findings w/him. I will be attending some aa/na meetings again. We had a bad storm up here in upstate NY and this Neuro that i'm trying to reach,his phone is still out. Apparently they lost power. I will keep trying though. Thanks to all you folks,you will never know what the suppoprt means to me.

    God Bless

  • Honesty is a big step with addiction. I hope you keep it up. And really, please attend meetings as often as you can, every day or more. The people there sure know what you are going thru and so would love to support you.
    Plus, as my friend says, they call him on his B.S. :) Which you know go hand in hand!
    Best of luck!!!
  • Yes, I know thet call people on when they BS. I need to be completely with others and first and foremost myself. My new Neuro just called. I have an appt. 12/29.....we;ll see how that goes. i will keep every1 posted
    Thank You all...

  • I'm glad you were honest with your doc and are seeking treatment through your church. Faith is so important and can help you get through anything. I pray your xray results come out ok. Where about's in upstate NY do you live? You can PM me if you prefer. I also live in upstate NY, actually the southerntier area.

    Good luck with everything and I will continue to pray for you. Stay clean.

  • God is great, church is great but where addiction is concerned it is through all help (aa/na) outside therapy, where you will find sobriety. You have a very tough and cunning disease there, that will tell you you are fine and don't need any of the help. Stay humble and honest and you might stand a chance.

    I am firm believer god can move mountains, however you must bring your own shovel (PARTICIPATE) to do the work !!!
    keep being honest and don't buy any crack today.
  • I agree 100% and I respect the frankness of your last sentence. I wont !
  • HI
    Thanks, that very nice of you. It sort of sounds like you know where I;m comming from?

  • It looks like your doctor is giving you a second chance by giving you the fentanyl 75 and hydrocodone; I take the same and I hope it works for you. I'm so relieved that you are getting treated. There's people here that suffer and doctors won't give them anything. It's a long road ahead, so keep up with the good work and hopefully things will keep on going in the right direction for you.
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