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What do you really miss?

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,740
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Maintenance
Anyone that deals with chronic spinal pain know all about the 'things' in their lives they can no longer do or the 'changes' that had to be made to their lifestyle.

I often wonder about what is the most important 'thing' that we miss. When I first started to think about this, I was looking at the physical things (Golfing, Sking,Tennis,Softball,etc), but then I also started to realize that now that I am almost 58 that all of those things would have been tough on me even without any spinal problems.

This may sound stupid, but the four things I find that I miss everyday are:

1 - Being able to easily put socks on
2 - Being able to put my chin down to hold a pair of pants
3 - Getting out of bed and taking about a half hour before I can function
4 - Being able to put a belt completely around without help

Its strange, that sometimes its the simple things that we miss the most
Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com


  • I Miss sleeping all nite, I barely sleep due to my pain. I miss being able to exercise like i use to, and i especially miss being able to be more active and do more things with my kids.

    I miss waking up with out having to take a bunch a pills so i can get out of bed, and move around.

  • I miss not having to plan my day around pain. Know what I mean? Like, I know my husband has to work so therefore I have to drive myself to the grocery store so I can't take as many meds as I need. Like, thinking I'm not going to that store because it's too far to walk to get the milk. Like, knowing if I do a load of laundry I have to plan time to lay down. Like, arriving to school events for the kids way too early because I have to find a seat somewhere where I can stand up and sit as I need to but not be in anyone's way. When the heck did I become this person that has to plan my day around pills and my heating pad???

    I just miss those days where I can do what I want without planning around my pain and physical limitations.

    I miss wearing shoes. It hurts too much to wear shoes and socks on my right foot, so I limit it to only when I have to. I'm tired of wearing slip ons becuz I have a very difficult time putting on normal shoes. There's snow outside but I'm wearing slip on sandles becuz I'd rather be cold than have compression on my foot.

    The biggest thing-I haven't been able to pick up my 4 year old daughter in 2 years. It's amazing what kids will adjust to, but I have a hard time adjusting to not picking her up when she falls down. When she was 2, she learned to climb into her car seat herself. I hate being 1/2 a mom.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,740
    physical mom can be depressing at times, so to adjust to
    that by being a 2 1/2 times loving Mom, which I am sure I dont need to even say.

    My kids knew about my physical situation early on. They are both grown now (30 and 34) and still worry about my physical situation, but we have always enjoyed bundles of love and that never took physical actions
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Not that I would have ever wanted this situation, but some good has come out of it. My daughter is so proud of herself that she can bend down and pick things up for me. She thinks she is such a big girl to be able to help me. She tells everyone what a helper she is and takes a lot of pride in doing things for me and for herself.

    I have learned patience. Never had that before. I've learned to appreciate what I do have. I've slowed down and had more time to listen to my kids.

    After I re-read my first post I realized it sounded kind of pathetic, so I wanted to add that even though I miss some things so much, I do have good things and joy in my life! :)
  • 1. Being able to look down and see if I have spilled something on my "shelf" (as my great aunt used to say)
    2. Like Ron, I miss being able to use my chin to hold things when I fold laundry
    3. Being able to hold the phone to my ear with my shoulder so I can write something down
    4. Being able to walk my dog
    5. Golf
    6. Rolling my head around whenever the heck I want to!

    But, I feel very, very lucky because I will be able to do these things again one day in the not too distant future. My heart and hugs go out to you all that can only hope that will happen.

    Happy Holidays and I hope your pain takes a vacation, if only for just a couple of hours. >:D<
  • Being pain free
    Feeling young
    Sitting comfortably
    Shopping til I drop
    Home decorating, my hobby
    The old me
  • I was the highest and longest leaper at my dance school. Running and then jumping into the air as high as I could, legs stretching out before and behind me, felt like soaring.
    Sitting "indian style".

    One Love,

  • That's odd.indian style is the best position for me-at least until my feet get sore...but then my problems are cervical & when I sit indian style I can hold my back and neck really straight.

    I miss dancing,running,swimming(and I can't use my left arm for swimming at all).

    I miss waking up without pain & going to bed without pain.I miss knowing what it feels like to not have pain.

    The one thing that I am getting better at though is waking up and trying to smile anyway.I no longer let the words "oh,my neck",or "oh this hurts" be the first words out of my mouth.Now,when I think them I catch myself and smile because I'm thinking 'I'm going to take a dang pill and zap this...and where is that coffee?' A cookie might be good with that... ;))
  • Carrying my 9 month old grandson everywhere we went.
  • Don't even get me started on the little ones,dang it woman( :''( ) that is just a given.

    I miss the boys being little..I think I'll have the empty nest syndrome until grandbabies come along,but that had better not happen for a long time because my boys are NOT EVEN ready for parenting.

    I'm scre**d :))(
  • I miss riding my bike, it's been two years. I'm hoping to be back on the saddle by spring.
  • I want to pick him up and just hold him and walk with him so bad. Sometimes I sneak behind his Mommy's back and just for a few minutes I get to hold him before the pain becomes too much. My daughter in law swears that he knows his NaNa loves him but this was not the way it was suppose to be. I miss having him on Friday nights and waking up with him in the morning and watching cartoons and feeding him his cereal. Ok now I'm just going to get depressed. I should stop. But that is what I MISS the most.
  • Like meydey I really miss sitting comfortably and shopping (including trying on clothes) without being exhausted in one hour. And as I said in another post, withstanding the demands of travel without pain. And all the other things I did without hesitation "before" - like moving furniture around, picking up our 3 yr old granddaughter, Pilates, etc. etc, etc. But I hope some of those will be an option again in the future.

    On the other hand, I have learned so much from this experience. Maybe not patience like er nurse - I am not sure I will ever get there - but I have learned to not multi-task all the time. Pre-surgery I could never have just watched TV or talked on the phone - but would always be doing something else at the same time. Just sitting and watching TV or a movie made me nuts. And I started every day with a list of things to get done - invariably many more things than time allowed. This recovery has forced me to slow down, to make my "list" manageable, to look at what I really need or wanted to do and forget the rest. It has also made me able to ask for and accept help - I am still not entirely comfortable with asking for help but much more so than I was. It has given me increased respect and understanding for people who cope daily with chronic pain or disabilities. I have new patience with those who move slowly due to age, pain or other issues - and often admire them for being up and moving at all! And last but not least, it has made me realize again what a wonderful man I married 30 years ago yesterday. He has been incredible throughout this whole 'adventure".
  • I miss not being able to bend over and pick things up without being in pain,i miss being able to cut the grass and weed the garden,i miss not being able to show my daughter how to ride her bike or play basketball with her or soccer or rollerblade with her,i miss going being able to go on rollercoasters and listen to them scream and laugh on the ride.I miss being able to redecorate my walls whenever i please.Or even washing my floors without the pain.I wish i could have been there for all those things with my daughter like i was with my sons.Sometimes i feel like life is passing me by and i just waiting to hop back on track. ;)
  • I agree with dawn, i miss sleeping allnight. i miss jumping out of bed, running down stairs. I miss horse riding and ice skating as that used to keep me fit. I miss going to the gym. I miss being the person i used to be, and not the person ive become, the one who is frustrated, because she cant do the simple things in life like dress herself. I miss being able to walk my dog as thats one thing i cant do on a very bad day. I miss browsing around the shops. I could go on forever. I know you said the one thing, but i cant pin point one thing.

    Angie x
  • One of my favorite forms of relaxation has always been reading in a bathtub full of hot water. But now, since fusion, it just doesn't work. I can find no way to recline comfortably in the tub. How I miss that - especially on cold days!
  • I miss.... my life! being able to be the mom i want to be... being able to get on with anything without worrying about pain or how long it will take to recover from a trip to the grocery store. I miss being able to make plans for an evening with friends without having to factor pain management into it... I miss being able to work at a job I love and knowing they need me back... I miss being able to hold the phone to my neck - so i can do 2 things at once lol! I miss having a good nights sleep, being able to depend on my right hand/arm to write, lift, dang it... for "it" to do anything!

    All the things I miss has actually given me an opportunity to be a new "me" - finding new ways to love, accomplish my dreams, reach my goals, face my fears and be the best person and woman i can be :D - There are sooooo many things to be grateful for so let the journey continue!!
    L4-L5 fusion 1998; ACDF C4-6 2008; DDD
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,740
    you are taking, you will have no problems in doing what you need to do, understanding what you cant do, but making sure what has to get done is done.
    We may have our physical limitations, but that never stops us from our minds figuring out ways we can do different things
    Like you said, in a way, its a Brave New World! We have new challenges, different from the ones we used to have.

    Now there are some, that welcome these challenges and figure out ways to do them.

    And there are those that put their heads down and give in and figure that these challenges are impossible.

    I dont have to say which is the best way to move on.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I miss all the spontinaity in my life, the "Hey the suns shining lets go to the beach for the afternoon" the quick descision to pack the dog in the car and go walk in the forest, I miss my on -line skates and my gardening gene is suffering from lack of use .

    I miss my ability to multi-task, miss the high I get when a plan comes together, on neurontin, I plan, but forget what it was half way through!

    I miss my job as a nurse. I miss having a bath with my husband, I miss dressing up for him ... the little hot black cocktail dress isn`t the same without stockings and heels, comfy sneakers don`t quite cut it as a finishing touch to that outfit !! I need a snooze by the time I have struggled to get stockings on.

    I miss feeling totally refreshed and ready for anything after a good nights sleep.
    I miss shopping for a whole day, then going out in the evening, now my day fizzles to a stop after the effort of an evening meal. I miss reading in bed, I can`t find a comfy position, my hands won`t co-operate and my concentration is limited. I miss being totally independant, but am eternally grateful that my husband will finish most jobs I have started, without any complaint or irritation, he just knows I have done my best.

    I miss having 2 "big days" in a row , now any big day is followed by a day or two of bed rest or at least doing very little.

    I don`t dwell on these things I miss and I have firm plans that it won`t always be like this. I know I am lucky, perhaps luckier than most spineys here, with a husband who does stuff without me asking, he ensures that we are financially stable and I have family and friends who insist that I take part in all family activities and I am never left home alone, whilst they are out having fun. They plan around my limitations and ensure that there is a place for me to rest in comfort and recharge my batteries if I need to. But I do miss being the planner, the one who says "Hey lets go" ... do this or that and it ends up being a memorable day .
  • I miss feeling confidant, independant and productive. I miss teaching preschool and the group hug the kids gave me every morning. I miss driving wherever I want. I miss going to the grocery store by myself! I miss some friends that couldn't deal with the disabled me. I miss the days when I wasn't worried about the next surgery. I miss being the caregiver instead of the patient. I miss being clear headed and off meds. I miss our spontaneous love life. I miss the days when I wasn't so sad. To sum it up, I miss the me I used to be. But I can still say my blessings are many. I think we should start a count your blessings post under good news. Thanks for listening, Faith M
  • All the same things you do too.

  • i guess i'm really batty in the head or too old but i dont miss anything because i still get excitement. here are some examples:
    i need to get down flight of stairs on crutches. my legs are trembling. i plan my decent. i'm a bit nervous but make it...same as skiing down steep slope in the old days. maybe tougher.
    i want to swim a bit. waters cold. body hurts. i hesitate just like old times then sink in and try to swim with one strong arm and one strong leg. but i swim . feel exillerated ... i did it!
    i need to stain the deck. used to do it in 2 hours. now i'm in power wheelchair so i use long pole with brush on end. i do the job in 5 hours over 2 days but deck looks great!
    i want to go to a movie with friends. cant sit for 10 minutes. i get on floor next to seat but still enjoy the show with wife and friends.
    i still have people over for a few cocktails. the mind still is a little active. nice having people around.
    yah sometimes i feel sorry for myself...then i give myself a big kick in the butt!!!
    i listen more to other people planning. and sometimes they ask for advice. but after a life of hard work its good to sit back.
    i see my kids tackling their problems. i'm still envolved. maybe i give too much advice!!!
    hey...i'm beaten up but theres still stimulation. could be worse...

  • nice to see you back with smiling face
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