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A Matter of my Heart

VikingVViking Posts: 128
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Matters of the Heart
My husband has one very best friend "H", these two guys have been friends since their teens and they celebrated their 50th Birthdays , just 12 days apart in January this year . We are God-parents to his 2 year old daughter who arrived somewhat surprizingly in 2006 just 24 hours before our own Grandson . We are foster parents to his Grandchild as Hs eldest daughter was a teenager in panic at the time , she, the mom is all grown up now, is my best friend and has her 8 year old daughter back full time . Its a complicated mish- mosh of friends and family , but we all love one another deeply and help eachother unconditionally. We call his mom "our mom" and as we are "family" by choice it makes the relationship we all have even more special. H s sister calls me her little sister which makes me feel so warm and accepted , especially since there are many times when I could feel lonely and be home sick for my own country . We know we are all welcome in each others homes . Its a blessing .

H and I used to compare our scars , war wounds of our survival , my 9 inch lumber scar and his wonderful full length zipper, following his triple by-pass operation 12 years ago . We understood eachother and would just ring up to say " Hi , how are you doing ?" and several times got the engaged signal on our phones to find, that when we eventually did get connected it was because we were ringing eachother simultaniously !

Yesterday evening our phones started ringing , we turned the sound down on the TV and I went to answer the house telephone and my husband went down to answer both his and my mobile phones downstairs .

H had had a massive heart attack and despite brave efforts by his wife and step daughter and ambulance men . H was dead .

Life will never be the same , we feel so miserable and empty . None of us really believe it has happened. It is like some cruel joke , receiving the blessing of a new child , but not being there to raise her, H has 5 children in all and they all knew without a doubt they were loved and cherished .

Its just not fair .

I am sobbing everyother moment , when I see his Christmas Gift from us , see his picture or just remember something about him , his laugh , the way he would use the same coffee mug each time he was over here , how he would doot his car horn once as he drove away . Its just not right to know we will never see him again .

I am writing here in an effort to accept the loss , because it is real, too horribly real . The aftermath of his passing is going to be harder , so many changes ...

I will finish here , thanks for listening . I am grateful for a place to say what I need to get off my heart .

love V,


  • May time heal the pain so you can let in those cherished memories. You were so blessed to have the time with someone so special. You have my deepest sympathy.
  • I'm sorry for your loss, but H will always be with you in your heart and in your mind. Loved ones find a way to let you know that they are still there and still watching over you. Honor him as you know he would want you to.

  • Sorry for your loss. Remember the good times and he's forever in your heart. This is a difficult time of year for the kids and you. It's a shock when someone close to us passes away. It's like we weren't prepared for it. I'm sure he wants you to remember him as he was and to go on. I know there must be a feeling of emptiness. Know he's in a better place and I always remember the last words of a loved one that has gone on. Try to remember your saying goodbye on the phone and remember him like that. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I too am sorry for your loss. Please know that you have my support if you ever need to talk.
    >:D< >:D< >:D<
    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • I hope time finds a way to heal your heart and soul after this terrible loss.
  • Awwwww no V! we were chatting just a bit of time before you must have gotten that awful news, I am sorry for you and your family, and do understand how it feels.

    Prayers for you...take care

  • I will raise you, your husband, and H's family up in thought and prayer. You will heal in time.

    One Love,

  • and the future that was lost so suddently. I am very sorry and though words cannot help you now, I hope the care and concern of people you know and don't know will somehow help you in these first days until the light returns and you feel better.

    Many of us have had losses that have thrown us to the ground and the emptiness looked like it would never go away-but it does and soon your heart will be filled with the departed's warmth and love. That is when you know the healing time has begun.

    Please give the family my deepest sympathies and hope they will sense their beloved husband, father, grandfather is still close by and watching over them.
  • May peace be with you.
  • It's so awful anytime, much less this close to the holidays. I know what you're going through, I really do...my brother passed away last year on the same date your "H" passed away. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my losing my sweet brother. =((

    Cry when you need to, and always remember. When you can share a memory with laughter instead of tears, you'll know everything will be alright.

    My condolences.
  • Viking to hear your sad news.life can be so unfair at times,your in my thoughts and prayers
  • Oh, hon, I am so sorry to hear this news - and so close to the holidays too!

    Your family and H's are in my thoughts and prayers. Let us know if we can do anything, okay?

  • Well I am all cried out, I get a little upset every now and again, but its not the uncontrolable sobs as it has been the last few days.

    The funeral is set for Saturday 27th, and my husband is one of the 6 chosen to be carrying the coffin, a very great honour over here and a way of showing deep respect for a great friend , the service is to be held in a quaint little country church, the same setting we christenened his daughter in last year. We know how he loved that church and got on with the priest there.

    Christmas has to be reorganised somewhat as H s dad was to spend Christmas there , but as he is wheelchair bound and it was H who was to take care of his dad , we have all shuffled our arrangements about , so no-one is sitting alone for Christmas.

    Thankyou for the kind words written, I have been through it all before when I was a teenager and missed my sister to heart disease, so I know time is the main healer.

    I have taken to setting the alarm on my cell phone , to remind me to take my meds , and so far despite the lack of routine and the strange days we are having, I am surviving on a reasonably low pain basis. There are hard days ahead when it should be joy, but we are ready , and equally ready to catch his sister who has not had any reaction , nor shed a tear yet , we will be there when she falls .

    Thankyou all again.

  • Viking,
    I am so sorry for your loss and the families loss as well. Sometimes things make no sense. You are very right time does help, unfortunately time takes time.

    My prayers are with you all.
  • I'm sorry that y'all are having to go through this...it seems as though we cannot always understand life and how the cards are dealt. There is no rhyme or reason. I hope your faith, family and friends bring you comfort during this hard time
  • I am sorry for your loss. My prayers are with your friends and family. I am glad that you are keeping your pain and your pain meds in check while you are going through this. It's easy to have a flare up when something terrible and upsetting happens since it seems to tense our bodies up
  • Dear Viking, i'm so sorry to hear of this unexpected death. My thoughts are with you all during this difficult time.My granmother died last yr of a sudden heart attack . Its hard too accpet how someone you love so dearly can be snatched away so suddenly.
    I hope u r better and better times await.
    much love martha xox (marthara)
  • I am so sorry sweetie. If there is anything at all that I can do or if you ever need to talk then I am here for you. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers....all my best to you...Miki
  • My husband lost his very best friend two years ago, just after they both celebrated their 50th birthdays as well. It is such an unbelievable experience; you forget that death is a part of life, and it all seems so unfair when you haven't finished "living".

    Sending condolences, hugs and positive vibes your way, Viking, and hoping you can lean on each other for the strength you'll need to get through this. Time really does heal the hurt, but be prepared for a lot of moments of grief.

    Take care.


    Although it's difficult today
    to see beyond the sorrow,

    May looking back in memory
    help comfort you tomorrow.

    ~Author Unknown

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