My husband has one very best friend "H", these two guys have been friends since their teens and they celebrated their 50th Birthdays , just 12 days apart in January this year . We are God-parents to his 2 year old daughter who arrived somewhat surprizingly in 2006 just 24 hours before our own Grandson . We are foster parents to his Grandchild as Hs eldest daughter was a teenager in panic at the time , she, the mom is all grown up now, is my best friend and has her 8 year old daughter back full time . Its a complicated mish- mosh of friends and family , but we all love one another deeply and help eachother unconditionally. We call his mom "our mom" and as we are "family" by choice it makes the relationship we all have even more special. H s sister calls me her little sister which makes me feel so warm and accepted , especially since there are many times when I could feel lonely and be home sick for my own country . We know we are all welcome in each others homes . Its a blessing .
H and I used to compare our scars , war wounds of our survival , my 9 inch lumber scar and his wonderful full length zipper, following his triple by-pass operation 12 years ago . We understood eachother and would just ring up to say " Hi , how are you doing ?" and several times got the engaged signal on our phones to find, that when we eventually did get connected it was because we were ringing eachother simultaniously !
Yesterday evening our phones started ringing , we turned the sound down on the TV and I went to answer the house telephone and my husband went down to answer both his and my mobile phones downstairs .
H had had a massive heart attack and despite brave efforts by his wife and step daughter and ambulance men . H was dead .
Life will never be the same , we feel so miserable and empty . None of us really believe it has happened. It is like some cruel joke , receiving the blessing of a new child , but not being there to raise her, H has 5 children in all and they all knew without a doubt they were loved and cherished .
Its just not fair .
I am sobbing everyother moment , when I see his Christmas Gift from us , see his picture or just remember something about him , his laugh , the way he would use the same coffee mug each time he was over here , how he would doot his car horn once as he drove away . Its just not right to know we will never see him again .
I am writing here in an effort to accept the loss , because it is real, too horribly real . The aftermath of his passing is going to be harder , so many changes ...
I will finish here , thanks for listening . I am grateful for a place to say what I need to get off my heart .