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Sad Holiday Season

snookiessnookie Posts: 359
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:26 AM in Matters of the Heart
This is my first holiday season since getting hurt, and I am Struggling.

First off, 1 year ago today my friend (who watches my children) became a foster parent to a litle girl. We have all grown so attached to her. A few months ago we knewn she would go up for adoption. I concidered it (I love her to death) but I didn't think that it was fair that her adoptive mom was crippled so I didn't. Today is her first birthday, and I know that she is going to her new family soon. While I know this is best (logiacally), emotionally I am struggling (not near as much as my friend and I am trying to suppourt her).

Second, Boxing Day, I was at Safeway with my kids. My oldest (11) was buying his own stuff and the cashier asked him about Chritmas. His response?

"Okay but not so good cause I had to help MOM."

I am so hurt. Am I over reacting? My boyfriend of 2 years left cause I was hurt, do you think that influenced what my boy sais?

Tonight, my youngest (9) said that it's ok that I'm since I'm hurt. That hurts too.

Plus my friend Ben. He always made me feel better, and now he's gone I miss him so much. Ussually when this stuff happened talk to him.

I miss him so much.


  • I'm so sorry that the holidays went like that for you. Sometimes I wonder why we bother with them at all because it makes so many people so unhappy.

    Your friend is an angeel for fostering that baby and her life will be forever changed because of it. She could have started her life in a crack house or being abused but instead ended up in a wonderful situation to begin a life with a new set of parents that desperately want a baby. That gift alone would make it worth the pain, as hard as it is going to be to let her go. I'm amazed by the selflessness and I hope you tell her so.

    As for your son, do you think that maybe that was his way of expressing his sadness about you being hurt? Sometimes kids, especially boys, can't come out and say it with the same kind of emotion that we get from women. Instead it comes out as anger. I think they're hard-wired to be problem solvers and when they can't fix the situation they get mad. This happens often with my husband and he's a kid too, just a big one.

    I miss Ben too. We take for granted when people like him are around and I regret never having told him how important he was or how much he helped me. I hope he can hear all of us now.

    I hope you get to feeling better now that we have a new year to look forward to.

  • I am sorry to hear that your holidays were so sad and you've lost a couple of loved ones. I hope you better, happier days to come. It is hard and sad dealing with chronic pain and what comes with it. I was at my primary doc one day a couple of months after my fusion and my son (6yrs old) said to me in front of my doc that he wished my back would get better so we could do all the fun things we used to do like play hide n seek. I just broke down and cried. It really is a difficult thing to deal with and I am so grateful to have joined this site and to find caring, compassionate, understanding people on here.
  • I've also had a rough holiday season and I just keep telling myself 2009 has to be my year. That's really all we can do! My boys are 19 and 16 and I know they get tired of my "problems". It's a maturity issue, I think. My husband is amazing, but even he has his moments. It just gets old for everyone. And don't we know it!!

    ( (HUGS) )

  • Thanks so much to all of you.

    Griff, you made some wonderful points. I am amazed at Deb every day (the foster mom). She has had a few foster children. I think what makes this different is that we have had this baby since she was born...does that make sense? It just seems to be worst this time.
    In terms of my oldest son, I hope so. He has Asperger syndrome (a form of autism). Usually when it comes to feelings hr express exactly what he is feeling, due to what he has he can't cushion the blow (know what I mean?). I think that's why it hurt so much.
    I miss Ben so much, we started talking for a weird reason, and after that he was such an important support to me.
    Ming and Cheri,thanks for your support and your stories. It helps knowing that others empathize.

    To all who read and responded, thanks for letting me vent.

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