Everyday I deal with pain. Some days better than other. I expend a great amount of energy in order to function and cope as best I can. I'm certainly not crippled, but it hurts to do a lot of things.
But nobody seems to acknowledge I have a problem. They are still nasty to me at work. Sadly, I don't think they really care how much I suffer. No compassion or anything. But I feel trapped there, because I wouldn't feel right getting another job the way I am now. Too much meds and pain and it takes a lot of energy to concentrate and stick to it.
None of my friends seem to want to help out. I don't ask for much, just someone to listen to me or to help out occassionally with little thing that are hard for me to do. I feel like I'm just supposed to suffer in silence and I do. No pep talks, nothing.
I was raised to keep things inside. Showing or giving into pain was not acceptable. It would be considered a weakness. So I don't like to admit I have a problem. It's certainly not a secret though.
I go to PM, and take Kadian 30 mg twice a day and 4 Percocets 10/325 a day. Is that a lot? They can bring the pain up to a tolerable level, but that's if I can relax all the time. Sitting for my job and trying to do things around the house makes the much pain worse and the meds don't help enough. Is that the best that can be expected? I remember Percocets at that strength would really space me out years ago, now I bearly feel anything from them. They do help with the pain for a couple of hours. I don't think I get much out of the Kadian at 30 mg.
I know I kind of go crazy since I have no one to talk about my pain. No extra kindness for me. Then it gets depressing. How do I cope with this? Sometimes they pain really gets to me.