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newbie here scared and sad..............

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:28 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi I have been lurking here on these boards for some time now. I have sponylothesis, spinal stenosis, spondyithesis. I have surgery scheduled for april 10th. I am so scared to have a lmainectony and a fusion. I am really scared of having this surgery. Any tips on preparing for it would be nice. My husband is no help and calls me pig and a log all day long. He told me this evening that he will not be helping me after the surgery. He tells me all the time I am lazy and imitates me limping around. I have 2 little boys who feel so sad that thier daddy makes fun of me. I sit and cry every night. I wish I didn't have all these things wrong with me. My life is a mess. I am so tired of feeling tired and sick and being abused every day. Sorry for all of the blabbing, but it is finally nice to just let my feelings out. Thanks for listening, Kelli


  • Glad you finally stopped lurking and wrote so that you can get some support since you don't get it from home. Recovering from a fusion is not simple or easy. You will need help and support at home especially since you have the young boys. You need to read as many posts on here about preparations before surgery so you can be prepared.
    This is about you and not your hubby so you need to get things ready for yourself. I hope you have some family that is supportive and that will be helpful after the surgery. If not ask some friends.
    Take care.

  • hi and welcome to the forum! :H we are here to offer you support and answer what questions we can. you have come to a place where there is kindness and joy and happiness waiting for you. >:D< during some part of your day you can have these things and more. you will need help after your surgery and that is a fact.. you husband seems uselss so i wonder if you have your mom or a sister or a friend who can be there for you? :X you cannot do it alone. ~X( check out the "Back and Neck surgery" forum for ideas on what you will need after your surgery.. :? i am so glad you decided to stop by and visit!! i hope you find some much needed comfort!!good luck as you move on your pain journey. we are here for you! :D Jenny :)
  • Kellianne,

    Like the previous posts, find anyone (friends, family, co-worker, or even pay someone) to help you out after the surgery. I am really sad and upset to hear that your husband is not being supportive at all. Know that you are not lazy or whatever your husband might be labeling you. Obviously, he has never been in chronic pain.

    Will be thinking of you.
  • dont worry about your surgery. these days surgery is very safe and you wont remember anything about it.i know as i have had what you are about to have .what you need to do is make sure that you have discussed pain relief with your doctor for afterwards ..it seams like your husband is going to be about as much use as my first wife.so divorced me after my first operation ..she was useless ..could you arrange to go to a family members after your operation? because you will not be able to look after children and you will need to rest and some should be helping and supporting you ..sounds to me like you married a right prat {sorry but these days i dont mince my words life's too short!} i you want to chat in private feel free to PM me on here.i have had a laminectomy and bi lateral discectomy my last operation was in Nov 07..i am knowledgeable on TENS if you want any advice .good luck
    ps i have remarried a kind woman 10years now {she is a nurse makes a big difference!}
  • I agree with the above posts that you will need help after surgery, as you cannot lift over 10lbs, among a lot of other restrictions. The only way I would break that would be to throw your husband's bowling ball at his head :))( I too lived with a husband who was negative in all comments, and would not acknowledge me being in pain. Since it wasn't bleeding or had a cast on it, it was "all in my head" He is now my EX. Do you have a minister or Church group who you can ask for support after surgery. Good luck up until then, as you don't want to do something to make yourself worse. Be careful how you lift and carry things. It's really important. I hope you can come here often, and read up all of the information pages, they really have a lot of wonderful information.

    Praying for you.
  • I hope everything goes well for your surgery. I don't think your husband realizes how serious back problems are. I've just about had it with my husband too and I have no kids but I have to sell the house and it certainly isn't a buyer's market. If your husband starts yelling leave the room. Refuse to be shouted at. I called the police one day on my husband for verbally abusing me and he calmed down a bit. If your husband thinks you're going to put up with that the rest of your life he's going to be a lonely man who can hang with mine. Try to get a seperate bank account and carry your cellphone even in the washroom. Have a plan of escape, an extra set of car keys if you drive, name of a taxi and phone number. I hope he stops. We're here for you. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Kellianne, I can see you are scared. You have reason to be, so don't feel bad about that! Realize the odds are highly in your favor for the surgery.

    For the hubby, you have a month to talk to him and see if he will change his attitude. He is being verbally abusive, I pray that is all he is. You will need help after the surgery. if he can not or will not change his attitude you will need to be proactive before the surgery and make some arrangements.

    You can not do this alone. Are you someplace you can get help? Try a helpline or other community outreach service. I can't stress enough you will need help with this. Maybe someone outside the family can get through to your husband and get him to understand this is not the time to be a bully?

    I'll add you to my prayers.
  • Please take care of yourself because you need to get better so you can take care of your little boys! We want you to keep checking in with us, take care of yourself emotionally so you can help your boys and together you will get through this! Also, if you don't have anyone close to help you after surgery please be honest and talk to your dr., maybe he order some health care at home or give your husband a call to let him know he will need to help so you can heal and be able to do more. If family or friends can come stay or visit often that would really be helpful plus the dropping in of visitors might not give your husband a chance to be so mean while you are recovering. I'm sure your husband couldn't tolerate a few hours of the pain you experience, he's too selfish to understand and he'd be a miserable man with your pain for a day because he couldn't do what he wanted, his way.....so keep your head up and smile, you know how strong you are just to make it every day with a smile on your face and taking care of your boys everyday! Go Kellyanne! You are stronger than you think! Once you have the surgery and feel better, making progress, you will be able to make life better for you and your little boys! Take care and give your little guys a hug!
  • I am 5 years post op and I couldn't do it even now without the support of my husband.
    Believe me your husbands very rude and demeaning words and actions will rub off on your son's very soon, if they haven't already. And these are the facts. That is not how we treat the people we say we love. You ARE going to be in pain and you will probably need at least a year of doing absolutely nothing. You WILL need help, I had a combination of husband, friends and family! And I still need them.
    Maybe if your family goes with you the next time you go to Dr.s or when you have x-rays done, they can see for themselves and hear from the Dr. how serious this is. I hope this helps. We will all be here for you.
  • Good morning, Kelliannie!

    I couldn't stop thinking about you. When I woke up this morning (late due surgery recovery and staying up late), I thought of you. What Leftback suggested is a great idea, talking to and asking your doctor to find help.He should be your advocate. Or someone said stay with your relatives. One option was to have me driven to my mother's house, so she could take care of me. You don't want to re-injure yourself because you were forced to resume the activities before the upcoming surgery. Your doctor/nurse will give you a list of things that you won't be able to do for a while. You will be surprised how restrictive it is--like driving. I hope your sons (if in school), take the bus to school, because you can't drive them.

    My husband stayed home five days with me and will come home during lunch time to check upon me. Even if your husband won't do squat, he could give you emotional and mental support. Know that there are plenty of men who are caring, sympathetic, and loving. My husband feels helpless sometimes and I can see the stress in his face when I am in pain. Don't want to tell you to leave your husband, but I can't see how he will change over night.
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