Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

advertisement
advertisement

In this Discussion

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

Notice
All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

Happy Patty's Day !!!!!!!!!!

weakbackwweakback Posts: 154
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:29 AM in Lighten and Brighten
You Gotta Love The Irish



The Errand


McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,
each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.

When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed,
the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
"what was that all about?"

"Nothin' , said the Irishman,
"me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

********************* **************************

The Lost Luggage

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered
around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks.

An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick..

"No," replied the Irishman.
"I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman..

***********************************************

Water to wine

An Irish priest is driving down to New York
and gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath
and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"

***********************************************

The Brothel

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer
and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel,
and one of them said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel,
and the other Irishman said,
"Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews
are falling' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel,
and one of the Irishmen said,
"What a terrible pity....
one of the girls must be quite ill."

***********************************************

Lost at Sea

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael,
were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape
from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
Patrick stum bled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear,
he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.

This particular genie, however,
stated that he could only deliver one wish,
not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter,
Patrick blurted out,
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
and immediately th e entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull
broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick
whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick!
Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!

***********************************************

The Fall

Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze
in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet,
he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please Lord," he implored,
"let it be blood!!"



***********************************************

(And saving the best for last...)

You've Been Drinking Again

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home..
Again, he fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright,
but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep
as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning
to his wife standing over him, shouting,"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look,
and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called;
you left your wheelchair there again."

BE SAFE HAVE A PINT ON ME , LAUGH HARD LOVE HARD AND STAY HA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PPY !!!!!!
MAY THE IRISH EYE'S SMILE APPON YOU :D
DON'T LET YOUR PAIN WAD UP YOUR KNICKERS. :))(
DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dan xoxoxoxoxoxo
advertisement

Comments

Sign In or Register to comment.