Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

What can we do?

jeq1977jjeq1977 Posts: 87
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:29 AM in Matters of the Heart
I've been in pain for over 8 months, with no end in sight. It has dramatically changed my life and my personality.

Obviously this is extremely upsetting for me, but my husband is having a really hard time with it too. He tries to be supportive, but he's also frustrated and scared. He wants to fix me, to make me happy, and he knows that he can't.

What can we do to help our spouses/partners/caregivers deal with this? I try to reassure him. I sometimes pretend I'm stronger than I am and try to "hide" a lot of my pain and fear and frustration from him. He knows me too well for that to work.

What can we do?


  • the essential you never changed, just some of the details. be honest K?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,842
    On some level there is a lot of fear in dealing with spinal problems, surgery and chronic pain when it come to spouses
    The one who is having the problem doesnt always know how to explain what is happening to them and often feels guilty if they talk about it alot of complain.
    The other spouse can feel like they dont know what to do. SO their fear is basically feeling helpless. They see their beloved in pain and dont know what to do.
    Many many times, couples deal with this but they really never talk about it upfront.
    Its so much easier for me to say, just talk... But in all honesty, communications is the key to start things moving.
    Both parties want the other to know how they are feeling, holding back, not sharing feelings can be a dangerous thing.
    And you would be surprised, once the couples start talking about it, they can find out just how much the other can help out in so many important ways.
    Try it
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • What I try to do is always let the person that cares for you that you appreciate them. I always make a point to say thank you. When we're down, it can seem that we're constantly demanding favors, I sure feel like I am when I say "I need .., get me..., can you help me.., give me.., etc. It sure gets old after a while and I hate feeling like a burden. This is where unconditional love comes in and family will always be there to help. You can also return the favor in many ways by trying to be cheerful, spending quality time, maintaining a sense of humor, and helping when you can. Little things DO go a long way so you don't have to overextend or overexert yourself. The last thing anyone wants is you to overdo it and cause yourself even more pain. Don't "hide" the pain; you really can't anyway because your eyes give it away. Your husband has to know how bad it is so there are no misunderstandings. What you both can do is hang on to each other and stick this out together.
  • I've been in your shoes for several years. I was praying one day feeling like a failure as a wife and mother. I felt God say to me that I had 2 things to do...1. Have a happy heart. and 2. Believe. It changed my life. Even if I'm on the couch and in pain, I've learned to flip the switch when my husband and son are home. I can have a happy heart no matter what is going on. That is my gift to the family.

    I've learned to quit beating myself up for the things I can't do. I am not and cannot be the same person I was. But I can consciously make a choise to be happy for my family. And the amazing result is that I am happy. I cannot be robbed of that.

    All blessings to you and your husband,
  • I do feel like I'm constantly demanding favors. I say thank you so much I feel like it has lost it's meaning. I need to find a new word for gratitude... We've been together too long to be able to hide what we're feeling from each other. It really is a good thing, it keeps us honest and talking about important things. Sometimes I just want to be able to put on that brave, cheerful face for him even when I don't feel brave or cheerful. I guess I need to work on actually being cheerful, rather than trying to pretend.
Sign In or Register to comment.