)) Hi, my name is Rose,
I think being here will be beneficial for me. I have had four lower back surgeries and the one neck fusion at three levels which is not coming along as well as expected.
So I had the last low back surgery, 3rd. fusion and am now fused one disc below the waist. I had two fusions prior from a doctor who screwed me up but went into recovery from pain meds in 1995 and stayed clean until 2006 when I started having terrible leg pain. My doctor sent me to the best neurosurgeon who discovered the discs above the fusion were leaking. So he place 8, 8 inch screws in my lower back to stabilize the area and tow of the screws into my pelvis bones.
He was honest enough to tell me it may not be as successful as I'd like it to be so I pondered for six months while trying epidurals, P.T. with bad results. I finally decide I had to go for it. What a horrific ordeal pain-wise and if my neck doesn't heal properly I will have to have the same surgery with screws and all on my neck.
Besides living with the pain and being on medication which I fought off for one year, living on 12 Advil a day, my doctor finally convinced me with my husbands help to start taking pain meds. My recovery was so important to me evn though for all those years I lived in pain.
As I asked my doctor why am I still in such pain, his answer was you walked around with a failed fuson for ten years, I have scar tissue which has attached itself to my spinal nerves and sever arthritis. I do have degenerative disc disease, which everyone has as they age but he says mine is advanced for my age, 50, and I have lousy bones. Probably hereditary because my dad had two hip replacements at 50.
I walk around like I'm fine because I have two adopted children from India, ages 11, and 8, and I know they kn ow of my pain but I try not to show it in front of them. I don't say much to my husband because he has taken not only his job but mine also. So for two and a half years I walk around wearing this facade that I'm not doing bad but how long can I keep this up?
I have plans to see a therapist when he calls me back and I do spend a lot of time in prayer.
The mind is a very powerful tool as I use it to it's capacity but my soul is worn down.
I have to pick and choose what I can attend because some things take usually three days to recover from.
I have had hired help for the last two and a half years who now cleans and does laundry. Steps really put me in trouble and our finances are going down hill with all I pay her.
We own a restaurant so you can imagine how busy my husband is.
In conclusion as my daughter told me "Mom, you're a strong woman and you don't have to prove it to anyone, just meditate on that thought". Out of an 11 year olds mouth.
I try my best but the pain is I don't drive. I refuse to drive on morphine, soma and vicodin. I also take Neurontin,
Cymbalta, and trazadone. To drive would be committing a crime. I have learned through this suffering what is of importance and what is not. So in a good way it has changed me. I have to keep focused on the light at the end of the tunnel or I'll crack. I won't let this beat me today, ask me tomorrow, I will beat it.
Thank you for being here for me.