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Will it ever end??

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:31 AM in Chronic Pain
Hi everyone! I am just having one of those days where it seems like you could fill yourself up with the whole medicine cabinet and still have so much pain you can hardly stand it. It hurts to even sit at this computer for too long. My husband just recently broke his leg(5 days ago) and has to have surgery in 2 days to reset his Fibula and ankle where he tore his ligaments. He has never had anykind of injury or surgery and I know he is in alot of pain, but all I can think about is how long I will have to sit at the hospital while he is in surgery. I feel so bad to feel this way because he has definately done the same for me. The difference is he doesn't have screws and rods in his lower back holding it together. Sometimes the pain is just unbearable. Since his accident I have had to take over all of the household chores, and though I would not complain to him it's killing me. I am 44 with 5 surgeries under my belt and am on disability. He is a very active person and I know it's killing him to lay still waiting for his surgery to come. Well, Thank You for letting me vent a little. I am sure better days are ahead! Debbie


  • I am so sorry to hear about your husband. Yes i am sure he is in a lot of pain and i am sure it is hard on hem.
    When it comes to our loved ones we put "self" to the side and do all we can to help them as i am sure you will do. It is all about your Husband now and it is up to you to care for hem.
    Best of luck.
    Patsy W
  • i understand how you feel ..i am sorry about your husband .i understand the bit about you having to wait around in hospitals and waiting room with your husband when you are in pain ..i know it sound bad but i know as much as i love my wife i could only stand to wait around in hospitals for a very short time due to my own pain .{i even wait in my car when i have a hospital appointment as i am unable to wait in waiting rooms for hours on end ..hope all goes well take care
  • Hi Debbie! sorry to hear your husband will need surgery & know you want to be there w/ him but I totally get your concerns & they are entirely valid, as to your OWN pain from the fusion & your pain while sitting,etc. I can't sit comfy for more than about 30 min tops w/o getting up, walking around or lying down, so when my hubby needed gallbladder surgery this past winter, I was there to support him, but I just had to either lie down or keep walking around.

    Ask if you can have a cot to lie on (if he's in overnight) or find a couch you can crash on...really, I'm not kidding..I spent hours in the Family Lounge on the couch as to sit by his bedside only worked for me for about 15 min.

    I also stand or lie down during my NS appts & thank God I teach all day, so I can be up & about. Sitting after a fusion is next to impossible & I've heard that from others I know who have the same issue.

    Good luck to you both! Your hardware pain is very real ( mine sure is, even @ almost 1.5 yrs out) & needs to be respected, too.

  • Some how you will find yourself there for your husband in his time of need and you will over do it...I do feel for you!

    2 years ago my husband was in the hospital for 6 days with blood clots. Oh my gosh, the walking from the parking lot, to his room, walking the hard floors in his room because sitting was hard wore me down physically. Then trying to do everything else too.I was beside myself. I'd have to come home to lay down, take tons of pain meds, go back yet somehow we get the strength to make it through! When he got home we were both in bed for days...LOL!

    Then I had my fusion and he almost had to go in the hospital and I was scared to death because I knew so soon post-op I couldn't do what I did last time...somehow we make it!

    You will find the strength to make it for your husband but pay for it after. Take the advise from Lakelside and see of they can find you a cot or sofa to use. Be sure to take care of yourself because your husband will need you.He's going to need your support since he's not use to pain and he is use to doing it all for you so he'll feel bad about it and he'll know how hard it is on you!

    Good luck to your husband. I hope his surgery is successful and he's back on his feet soon. Please take care of yourself too!

  • 2 years ago when my husband did get home from the hospital and we were both in bed with pain I asked our son, 17 at the time and working full time that summer, to help sweep the floors, change sheets, etc.

    There he was leaning on the mop when he said, "You guys are really going to have to give me more respect around here!"

    We cracked up! We needed the laugh! Humor is a wonderful asset and we learned years ago to use it often or we'd never make it around here! But you know, he was right...we needed him to help us and he deserved some extra respect from us! LOL!

  • Thank You, Patsy for the words of encouragment. His surgery went well. They had to put a plate and 7 screws in, but he is doing well. I am grateful he has enough sick days built up at work that we will not go with out a paycheck! He never gets sick (but does seem to have alot of trips to the ER for little injuries at work, stitches, ect)! He sells his sick days at the end of the year. Believe it or not he was more upset about using his sick days than the broken leg (that he recieved falling down a hill, yes you heard me right!!!!) Again, thank you and have a great day! Debbie
  • Thank You STRAKER. His surgery went well. While he was in surgery I went to the coffee shop and walked a little. With a little bit of help from my Meds it wasn't too hateful!! I read your Bio and sounds like you have alot of the same problems I have.I also have DDD and spinal stenosis. I was diagnosed with Fibrimyalgia 4 years ago. I have had 5 back surgeries with the last resulting in Fusion from L2-S1. Sorry to hear about the 2 existing bulging disks. My Mother was diagnosed with Chrones Disease when she was 29 years old. She has had a rough way to go with it, sorry to say. In 1983 she had surgery at Cleveland Clinic (where I have had my surgeries)where they removed 16 inches of intestines. It helped for a while. If you have any questions I would be happy to try to help. Thank You again!! I am 44 years old.
  • Thank You Lakeside, it's nice to finally talk to people that TRULY understands. His surgery went well(7 screws and 1 plate!) Between the two of us we could open a hardware store.
    I often tell people(doctors as well) that 30 minutes is the limit. Can't sit for too long or walk or lay down for too long. I geuss you just learn to deal. I am going on 10 years of this stuff. All because of a drunk driver.....
  • Thank You Kathy! His surgery went well and yes I over did it, but your right he has done it for me. We have 6-8 more weeks of this!!!! He had a plate and 7 screws put in. After this we will both need a vacation! We plan on going to Florida for 2 weeks in October, WOOOHOOO! Thank Goodness for my Meds thats all I can say. That sounds terrible doesn't it? I'm sure you understand!
  • That's too funny, Kathy! I have 4 children 23,24,25,26 at present, but can relate to your story! I remember after my 2nd surgery my daughter(that at the time was in her last month of pregnacy) was sleeping and I was so hungry for Chicken Noodle soup and my husband was at work. I hollared her name until I woke her up to make the soup for me. She was soo mad at me and told me I would have to pay her 5 dollars to get up to make the soup. I paid her the 5 dollars and got my soup. Until this day her and I laugh about that! Laughter sometimes is the best medicine!
  • Let me add to my first comment.
    I too have rods and screws in my spine. Lumbar and Cervical.
    About 3 months after I had my Lumbar surgery AND surgery for an obstruction in my intestines I had to spend 5 days in a hospital room with my ex. All thare was for me to sleep on was a sort of reciner, my feet dangling over the foot. I was 70 miles from home and could not even take a break and sleep in my own bed. But it was not about me and my pain but hem. I know what we can do even when we are in pain. At that time I had about 6 surgeries. I have had a total of 8 surgeries. I hope I have had my last one except for the SCS implant. That bit of surgery I welcome.
    Believe me I understand your pain.
    Best of luck to you and your husband.
    Hugssssssss >:D<
    Patsy W
  • Bless your heart Patsy! I hope you don't have to have anymore surgeries also. There's only so much a person can take. I hope your SCS implant surgery goes well. Is it scheduled soon? I also want to add, Thank You for talking with me. Before I found this site I didn't think there was anyone in this world that could possibly understand. My husband has been absolutely wonderful yet there are times when I KNOW he can't understand. I know if I get tired of hearing myself complain he has to also, but of course he would never say so.
    Good Luck with your surgery! O:)
    I'll say a prayer for you!
    Debbie M
  • I'm glad to hear your husband is doing okay. I also worry about how long I have to wait somewhere, how comfortable is the seating, and how long can I take waiting around. Yeah, you know it. My husband had surgery 3 years ago when I first hurt my back, and they gave ME the wheelchair. I said I couldn't stay at home while he's in surgery because he's been there many, many times for me. It's the least I could do. Anyway, me and him needed a ride from our friend because I sure as heck couldn't drive. Anyway, I hope both of you get to feeling better. Take care
  • Anything to sustain you and get you through this tough time. A time for meds indeed! Good to hear your husband is doing well. Once he is home and you are both comfortable at home you will wonder how in the world you did it! Inner power and strength is given to us when needed. I'm sure now your husband had a reality check experiencing pain and it made him think about you, undertsand your pain better and appreciate you more for what you have done day in/out living with pain!

    October is a perfect time to vacation in Florida! Where are you planning to visit?

    I so want to go to Hawaii while our son is stationed there!!Dr says not to think about it until at least one year mark which is Oct. so maybe Christmas or next summer, so many factors....my health, husbands health, college breaks for youngest son to see his brother too, and most important "Navy" schedule/whereabouts of our son if/when we can make the trip....I can dream!!!!

    Take care!
  • ..you are both home again & resting. You made the supreme effort to comfort your husband & I applaud you & know the pain you endured on his behalf.

    Now take your drugs (both of you!) & look fwd to your trip next fall! And Leftback has a good point: perhaps, altho we would NEVER wish that anyone would experience our levels of constant pain, your dear husband has a better idea, having endured to a shorter time-extent, the pain you continue to feel, as mine did during his gallbladder episode. It was very painful for him but he is 100% again & just the other day we were talking & he said (bless this man!) "Oh the pain was terrible, but NOTHING like YOU must have had or even what you still have."

    Few people know what we deal w/ 24/365---on & on & on w/ no real relief or hope of 100% again...

    And I totally get the having to move around: can't sit, cant' stand, can't lie down--just have to change position often..oh that others would have that experience for even 24 hrs....not really, but I think you understand.

    Bless you both! Stay strong! 99.9% of the general population has NO IDEA...remember that & never, ever appoligize for what your body needs to do.

  • Thanks meydey! It's terible to have to worry everywhere you go if they are going to have adequate seating ect, but you learn to deal with it after 5 surgeries and a host of other procedures. I also have DDD,OA, Fibromyalgia and now cervical problems, I know blah,blah,blah,LOL. It becomes your story! I can relate to your pain. I hope you take care of yourself and hope I get to talk to again!
  • First things first Kathy, GOD BLESS YOUR SON!!! I hope you get to see him soon. I am sure you are VERY proud of him and rightly so! I pray for all the men/woman in the Forces.
    My husband and I are going to St. Petersburg. My in-laws own a Condo at HarborSide. They are snow birds. We get to stay there right before they go down so we get the place to ourselves! WE have gone down many times, but this trip will be much appreciated.
    I hear Hawaii is beautiful. My husband and his father took a Father/son trip there and guess who wasn't invited! How messed up is that? Really though I am sure he will treasure that trip once his dad passes.
    Take Care and hope to talk to you soon!
  • I hope things are going well at your house. I hope your husband is feeling better and you have had a chance to get some rest to calm down your pain some.

    Thank you! I am proud of my son! I look forward to seeing him whether we make it to Hawaii or not. I know if we can't make it there he will eventually make it home. The only bad thing about Hawaii is that it is so far away from the mainland! But I'm glad he has the chance to experince it!

    St.Petersburg! About 23 years ago my parents lived in Treasure Island and we lived in Seminole, close to St.Pete. You will have a wonderful time! A great place to get extra R&R! I love the beach!

    I think it's wonderful your husband took the time to go with his dad.You are a good wife to back out and let them go! Wouldn't it be fun if someday your husband takes you to Ha. to show you all the good times he shared with his dad?

    Lakeside, we do know and understand exactly how you feel. Hope today is better for you too. It's raining here today so...rain and pain plus no walking oustide...darn old rain!

    Take care!

  • Whew....Happy to hear that everything is OK now and you made it thru your husbands surgery. We want so badly to take care of our loved ones but it's so hard for us "spineys" isn't it? Thare are times we want to throw up our hands and just quit but we plug on as best we can don't we?
    I live alone so I can prop my poor ole painful legs up and do nothing when I want.
    I am so very lucky compared to others. I have a girl that comes in once a week to clean and run errands plus Meals on Wheels brings me a hot dinner every day except weekends. I have a handyman who does small repairs and mows my huge lawn for me. So I am very lucky aren't I?
    I would much rather be doing all these things for myself but right now I can't coz of this savage pain.
    As for this pain I am in 24/7, again i am lucky. The SCS trial relieved my pain by 100%!!
    I have wonderful friends and neighbors who calls and drops in all the time along with my great family. I have my little rescue dog (Pepper) that follows me everywhare I go
    little toe nails clicking on the tiles. She never leaves my side.
    I am blessed Kathy....so very blessed. Life is good.
    Please take care of self now.
    Sending you a hug... >:D<
    Patsy W

  • I'm just checking in to see how you and your hubby have been faring. I've been out a few days due to pain and I feel like I've been gone forever. Anyway, I hope the both of you and your family are doing well. Take care >:D<
  • I haven't been on in a few days also. I hope today is a better day for you. My husband is doing alot better. He is amazing. He is all ready to go back to work(I am ready for him to go back also!), but the Doctor says he has to wait 4 more weeks. He is literally climbing the walls. Unfortunately I had some bad news on Friday at my 2 month check up. After 5 back surgeries now my cervical spine is going too. I have another MRI this week and then a EMG after that. My last MRI showed C4-C5 bulging and C6 herniated. I don't know where to go from here, but I refuse to go through another surgery right now. You ever get to the point where enough is enough?? I can deal with the numbness and tingling in my hands better than I could deal with another surgery. I am sorry I sound so depressing, but it IS so depressing. I need to go to my "closet" and have a good cry! I know you know what I mean. Anyway, Thank You so much for listening, it helps alot. Again I am sure you know what I mean!
    You take care also!

  • I am so sorry to hear of your bad news. I understand you not wanting more surgery and I do not blame you one bit! Enough is enough!!
    I have had surgery on my C spine and compared to the 2 surgeries on my L spine it was a piece of cake. I never think of it at all unless someone asks about the scar on my neck. I had very little pain as long as I did not try to sleep laying down. Sleeping in a recliner did not work for me so I rented a haspital bed and that really helped with the sleeping problem.
    Will be thinking of you and you will be in my prayers.
    May the sun always shine on you.
    Patsy w
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