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Don't know where to turn

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:31 AM in Depression and Coping
Hi, Just thought maybe I should try this. Had spinal fusion and laminectomy 3wks ago. Been out of work since January 2009. Single mom with daughter in 2nd year of college, supporting her college and myself. Broke up with boyfriend of 6 months 4 days after I came home from hospital, a long overdue breakup, but having somewhat of a hard time of it. Known for being a strong independent woman, and now I feel everything is just falling apart. I barely have any money left and I'm still in pain and tonight I feel as if i'm having a breakdown of some sort. I am on disabilty thou its only half pay and have gone thru my savings. I used to have such inner strength, but I don't know where it went and tonight i'm having a really rough time. Been crying for hours, fought with my daughter about money. Oh yes, smoking I was suppose to give it up and with all this I just can't so i'm worried about healing. Im sure many other people have been where i am and made thru, can you give me some advice?


  • That's rough you're going through all this. I hope you can check out any social services in your area for help. It's hard to go through you're surgery healing with so much going on. Be gentle with yourself and speak to your Primary Dr. to get some help with stop smoking meds. Chantix or wellbutrin had worked for me before. It's amazing most people just lose the urge. I hear there's angel food in most areas in the States link in one of the topics. PM me if you need help finding it. You're a strong woman! In my siggy is positive affirmations. You can make it. I put myself through college with grants and loans. There is help at your daughter's guidance counsellor office. There are many sites you can go to get grants if you check. Take care of yourself. We're here to support you. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I know that it is hard right now but things do get better. Are you on anything for depression? I totally understand the smoking thing, I need to quit. I am here if you need someone to talk to. >:D<
  • Please remember that you are dealing with a lot of major stresses simultaneously:

    - Job loss (financial worries)
    - Major surgery (physical trauma)
    - Being a single mom with a dependent (fears about sustaining that support)
    - Breaking up with a significant other (emotional loss)
    - Loss of independence

    In my mind, right now smoking is the least of your worries. You already have enough to deal with, so I wouldn't even attempt to deal with that until you have dealt with the rest of what you need to deal with at this very moment in your life.

    The fact that you feel you are at the breaking point is perfectly understandable. Please remember that you still ARE that strong woman. You've just been given a huge amount of things to deal with all at once (things that most other supposedly 'strong' people have never had to face.)

    And guess what? You have actually shown your strength by reaching out to others. This may sound contradictory, but the fact that you are not willing to lay down and die and that you continue to seek answers proves that you still are that very 'strong' woman.

    Look at that list of stressors again and think of the people you know who might have been destroyed by any single one of them.

    You can get through this and you will get through this.


  • Thank you all for your support.
  • I've been in a similar place to you. Misdiagnosed lumbar vertebrae injuries, prolapses, and central canal stenosis etc, plus shoulder tendon damage. It took 18 months to get a correct diagnosis. I'd just separated from my husband and moved to a new suburb. I had two boys, aged 13 & 2 years old. Was desperately alone, had no support from family or friends and living in poverty, made worse by my smoking cigarettes. Quitting cigarettes is the second hardest thing I've ever done. I'd smoked since I was 15, and quit when I was 43, at which point I was smoking 25 - 30 a day. I became so angry with myself for smoking, I quit. After that, I worked on my pain and vertebrae, using visualisation, breathing and stretching. I could have had a operation to fuse the damage. I chose not to. It was 3 years before I could ride in a car or drive one, bathe my child and a million other things.
    Seasons change, my dear. I'm 60 now and have damaged my cervical vertebrae now... and so I am working on a new miracle!
    Be gentle on your teenager. They don't do change well, and they hate to see that their parent isn't the tower of strength and security they used to be. It shocks them and they can react badly, selfishly. Regarding money, make a list of what you usually buy from past receipts etc. Have a heart to heart with yourself and your daughter over this. Chop out nonessentials and expensive favourites. Plan your meals around bargain price specials. I never use to drink water without powdered breakfast sachets. Drinking plain tap water saves me $3.00 a week. Cut your cigs down. You can do it. Set your mind to success. Whatever you do, the minute you catch yourself pining or whining... switch your mindset. Be proud that you're being so strong. If you slip... don't worry. We all slip sometimes. Don't look down... forgive yourself, because you are in control. Your mind is the driver. Be strong and you'll make it.Take care and if you need to talk anything over, I'll be here. >:D< Annie
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