Hello. This is my first post here. You all seem really nice, and I am really in need of some support from people who know what its like to be struggling every day.
So a little bit of background. I am an almost 30yo mum to a 2 year old. I am heavily pregnant with my second. I have scoliosis and have had previous surgery on a ruptured disc (10 years ago). I have three other ruptured discs in my back and constant sciatica down the left side accompanied by numb feet since the op. I have been advised that I will need to have a fusion at some point, but was given the advise that I should wait until after having children.
I am coping for the most part, every day is different of course, some worse than others. I am at the point now where its all just compounding though. Having daily pain and looking after a toddler is HARD.... Having pain, looking after a toddler and being heavily pregnant is proving to be almost impossible!!!!!! I have now had to stop the pain killers I was on because of the stage of pregnancy I am in and other than going for injections I am left with paracetamol. I am so determined to be as drug free as possible while pregnant as I would just feel like such a failure if it effected the baby in any way.
I am struggling though. Really struggling. My poor little boy is having to be pretty much left to his own devices at the moment and the TV is constantly on. I have now been diagnosed with depression and this big black cloud has descended on my mood. Its all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings. I have family coming over just about every day to help out which is a great help.... but they just DONT GET IT! My mother keeps telling me that I have to just suck it up and get on with things because thats what a mother has to do............ she doesnt seem to realize that just getting up and making it to the couch for the day is me DOING THAT! I am so lucky, my little boy is just lovely and stunning and so thoughtful and everything that you could want your little one to be, but I just dont have the energy or presence of mind to be with him. I am in so much pain that I really just have to kind of switch off or I am just not going to make it. Everyone is helping out so much and I just feel like I am being this massive burden. I wonder how much more of this my husband can take.
I have to keep reminding myself that pregnancy doesnt last forever... this will pass and in the very near future. I will be able to get back to a (relatively) manageable pain level soon. In the meantime though I am needing people who understand what its like. People who understand what a massive undertaking it is for me not to be taking my pills. I did the same thing at the end of the last pregnancy, but of course I COULD just stay in bed all day then and it didnt effect anyone else. I just want to give my little one the best start possible....... I am finding that it is taking everything I possess just to make it through the day though.
OK. Rant over. I hope that you all dont mind that my first post is like this. I hope that you understand. I have had enough of being strong for everyone and still being made to feel like I am not doing enough.... there is only so much that I have to give. I am at my limit.