Hi all. I know you all know how long I have been in pain before and the last eight months since my PLIF. Well, things are probably at the lowest point in my life they have ever been. I have had to close our convieince store, as it was not profitable. I am really having a problem with that because we have had it for 5 years and it is my fault that it is closing, because of my back surgery and unable to work. I feel like such a failure. I had my own insurance agency for 10 years and built it up to a sucessful business over that period, selling it to any agency that wanted it.
The past 4 years has totally drained all our money for Dr bills, and to keep living. Now I find myself trying to figure out how to make it week to week. Its all my fault due to my back. I feel so totally useless to my dear husband. He works all day and comes home and tries to take care of everything I cant do. Its not fair to him. I watch all the couples going out and having fun with each other, and I cant even help him feel like a man.
To make it even harder, our mini dauchshund of 15 years is getting so bad we had to make an appointment to have her put to sleep tommorow night. Even though we have other dogs, just the same it is so hard. I know shes had a good life, but it doesnt make it any easier.
I just wish, when you get to the point I am feeling right now, that I could just go in, get a shot and go to sleep. I dont know how much fight I have left in me. I cant see a life that is lived on pain meds and sleeping and drs and pain meds and surgery and more meds. Its been so long and it is just getting so not worth the fight anymore. I feel my dear husband deserves a wife that can make him laugh, and make love to him. One that can pull their own weight. I am 49 and wont make him take care of me like this forever.
Sorry folks. I am just so down, and things just get worse day by day. I dont get better, the bills get bigger and the struggle gets harder. Welcome to Robins Pity Party. Sorry...