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What to say?

RefugeeRRefugee Posts: 100
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:36 AM in Depression and Coping
It took me a while to come into the depression part of SH. I didnt want to admit that i am probably depressed and not coping with all this very well. I kept looking at it but I just couldnt make myself enter. Dont know if it is pride or denial. Well I made it in and i have poured it out. Hope you guys can give me some suggestions.

I have never asked the doctor for anything but Im to the point that I think I should. I just dont know what to say or should I call a psychologist and schedule and appointment? I just dont know how to talk to them.

Sometimes the pain is manageable and other times its not. I just lay in my chair thinking im 37 but i dont feel that young. I go through this everyday meds may work in the morning but as the day progresses it get worse until im down for the rest of the day.

I dont smile much anymore it seems as though when things start going well theres always something that comes up and causes stress.

Im now being tested for ms and ra cause with everything else my doctor thinks theres more to it. Seems like I have started over again.

I cant watch or play with my grandson anymore cause when i do i suffer for a week. I try its not his fault and he is so wonderful.

I tend to cry by myself out on the porch or anywhere no one else can see me. It would only upset my children and they have enough to worry about.

I walk the floors all night in pain unless i take the sleeping pills and thats no guarantee that i will sleep its only hope.

My purse is full of medications that i absolutely hate to take but i know i must to make it through the day and night barely.

I cant work, I cant even clean my house anymore yet i have to wait for ssdi to say i am approved and what if im not

I dont mean to babble on I just dont know if I should ask for something or not. If I do Ill probably cry cause she will ask me why and when I start telling her i cant hold back the tears. Im worried all i have thought about lately is getting away. Away from my family just leaving and not looking back. I know thats horrible but why should I stay and make them go through this to. My kids are teens they need a life and a mom who can do the mom thing and this isnt it. My grandbaby is wonderful i love him very much but what good am i anymore?? I cant watch him i cant play games or run around the yard with him. Dont get me wrong i love my family very much i just feel useless right now. I know my kids expect more than I can give like taking them places dealing with their friends going shopping its go go go with them and they should be able to but im not that person anymore my body wont let me.

Any suggestions? Who should I see?

What should I say when I go in to see the doctor?

I just dont know what to tell them if someone could tell me what they said to give me some idea that would help.



  • Many of us with chronic pain issues also suffer from depression; they seem to go hand in hand. There are many different meds out there that may be able to help you. There is no need to suffer needlessly when you don't have to . You could probably talk to your GP, or surgeon (or even OBGYN)... they should all be familiar with depression issues and could help you. These past few months as my pain has increased and quality of life has decreased, i asked to slightly up my anti-depressant dosage and my Dr. was fine with trying that.
    What you have posted that you are going through sounds very familiar to those of us on this site. You are not alone. Keep coming back here whenever you need someone to listen or help. Take care, Lisa
  • with Lisa. There are lots of meds out there that can help relieve your depression. I remember my first visit to my psychiatrist (they are much more familiar with these types of drugs than a GP) I did break down and cry as soon as I started talking about it. I think that may happen to lots of folks so don't be afraid to talk to your doc about it. Chronic pain and depression do go hand in hand. Good luck.
  • When I first had my back injury I saw myself spiraling into some unhappiness and my Dr had me on amitriptyline and wellbutrin for the depression. Mostly it's normal to feel sad about a life change and too much stress. I'm on cymbalta now for the sciatica in my leg as it's used as a nerve drug also. I feel on an even keel now but it's natural to feel sad with a long term illness and the unknown. I have a program through work where I could talk with a Counselor online and she reflected my worth about myself and reinforced my ability and good feelings about myself. I just bounced things off her and she gave me some answers and more empowerment and positive affirmations as in my signature link to study those to change some negative scripts I was saying to myself. Depression is a chemical imbalance caused by a major stressor and can be corrected with meds or/and therapy. Even my Dr shared with me she needed something to help her through her divorce years ago. Your Dr can refer you to someone or you can find a clinic to go to. Knowing there's a distress line you can call at anytime can help too. I know this has been a great place of support also for me. Time management and planning little craft times with your grandchild can help also and help with quality time for you both. You deserve to have sympathy and empathy from someone who will understand and someone outside your family who can be more objective to help you deal. Find some time for yourself whether in playing a game or reading or 15 minutes on the porch and take in the sounds of birds chirping and the warm sun on your face while you're outside and practice some deep breathing and let yourself go. I'll be thinking of you next time while I'm out catching some rays to find the inner strength and peace within. It's okay to cry and allow yourself to let go once in awhile as it releases endorphins when we cry. I think of a bible term that God collects my tears in a bottle. It can be a healing time. Limit yourself a half hour to concentrate on your sadness then let it go. Deep breathing can be so relaxing and picture the oxygen going deep into your muscles and relax. That's what I learned to handle things better. You're not alone. Wishing you healing thoughts. Take care of you. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Refugee, you have been given alot of good advice by some really great spineys.. =D> i do hope you are able to get to a doctor and start on the road to recovery soon.. :D remember, SH is always here for you! :X please don't ever forget that! :D L, Jenny :)
  • Sit and talk with your family, open up and tell them the kinds of pain your in and what causes it. Help them understand the things you can and can't do and the things you'd like to do and what you need help with.

    There's no shame being in pain and needing the help and understanding your family (and friends) can and want to give you. It can only help everyone and reduce some of your own stress.

    Remember, your only human and humans have been found to do some of the most extraordinary, amazing and wonderful things in the universe!
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,858
    is very capable in robbing all of our physical and emotional strength.
    Its a very difficult beast to deal with. There are so many ups/downs and conflicts that most counselors would agree that chronic pain ranks very high in terms of situations that are most stressful for people.

    Depression?? I think thats why we have this major forum category. To me there are three steps in depression:

    1 - Recognizing that you are depressed
    2 - Coping with it (counselors, medications, etc)
    3 - Conquering it. You have beaten the beast

    Having help to accomplish this is so very important. Doing this by yourself can be much more difficult and in some ways make you sink lower.

    Refugee, all the words you put in your first post could be used by almost any member here. Some let the Beast win the battle, And there are many fight to do what it takes to beat the Beast
    Stay around here so you can join the ones that win
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • Reading your post made me feel so bad for you and what you are going through. You are most definitely not alone in this. Many of us are suffering just as you are. I know that doesn't make it "all better" but for me it does make it seem better to realize that I am not just some weak person going through this, but that really its perfectly normal. I hope this makes some sense. Good Luck! Please keep us posted.
  • That everyone has about covered the basics!
    tell your doctor and let it develop from there.
    Crying in front of a doctor has been done before. I know, I was there....and I'm not a doctor.

    Believe me, leaving your family is not what they would want. I have said some similar things over the years and always been told, why would you think being gone would be easier on us?

    There is help, just starting on the journey lifts some of the weight off ones shoulders.
  • After reading your post I read all the replies and could relate to them all, even helped remind me that being a "spiney" also involves depression to some degree or another. Just knowing you are not alone with this "beastie" has some comfort and personally I found reading SH helps me to level out my "blues". My doc knows I want to avoid anti-depressants if I can but we have the door open if my family or myself see me slipping down too far. As Jim said talk to your family, they may be waiting to share their feelings as well. When I finally fessed-up what a lot of support my family gave to me, we are able to help each other more and in a funny way have grown closer.I wish you comfort and support and a gentle hug, be kind to yourself and hang on. Hugs n' Loves - Paula
  • I read all the posts and thank all of you. I tried to schedule an appt but cant get in til next week. I found that when the nurse asked me on the phone what the problem was I couldnt say it I told her a few other ones im having and left it at that. Good grief I just cant say it. I dont understand what the big deal is it just wouldnt come out. Oh and i hate it when they ask that over the phone. I know i am depressed I just cannot tell anyone this is crazy why wont it come out? Am i not ready to admit it openly? Am I embarrassed? Am I afraid to ask for help? Maybe I just dont want anyone to know. Here on SH no one knows who I am its easier to say well not easier it took me a while before i finally came in to the depression part! I dont know, Im gonna try to get in tomorrow she has some same day appts but i have to call early and see if she will take me. Still dont know if I can say it!! Im completely dumbfounded that it wont come out of my mouth. Oh I dont know what to do I give up right now maybe tomorrow will be my day of strength with the Lord's help. I feel stuck and all I see when i look in the mirrow well its just me not the person i used to be.

    Wishing you all a good night and hopefully a few good hours of painfree sleep.

    Thanks to all
  • Its ok for a strong person to say they need help, there is absolutly nothing wrong with saying it hurts here,your heart may ache for the person you may have been, but the fear of who you may turn into, the fear of the unknown, is worse.
    The first step is the steepest, once you let go of what you were and open your wings to who you are may ease the pain inside a little. Your strong, you know how to be strong for others, do it for yourself, its ok to give some up to "you"! Your light touches many others, it can also illuminate the creeping darkness of these times.
    As A wise and Gentle person here on Spine health says, " Be kind to yourself" (Thanks John)!
    there is nothing wrong with your courage or inner fire, its just the bowning of the body to the burden, before the lift.
    I hope these words resonate quietly and constructively. have a better day and Lean on us when Ya want to, thats what we spineys do...coleectively were all made stronger by our weakness's.
    bless you and g-day!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • The first post of this thread.
    just print it out, Hand it to your doctor and shut up...till it has been read.

    That first step can be the hardest.

    If you can't or won't print the letter just start with "I need help".
  • Thanks to everyone for offering their suggestions and to all of you who were nice and offered me help. I probably will discuss it with my doctor Ill muster up the courage somehow. I apologize for bothering you all with this. I wish you all the best in coping with this it isnt easy and sometimes people need kind words to get them through the day!!!

    Anyway I hope to see your posts around the other areas of SH.
  • Hi Refugee,
    You are not bothering us at all. Your concerns are totally normal and many of us have dealt with them.
    There is nothing to be embarassed about if you are dealing with depression, talk to your Dr.
    Take care, Lisa
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