It took me a while to come into the depression part of SH. I didnt want to admit that i am probably depressed and not coping with all this very well. I kept looking at it but I just couldnt make myself enter. Dont know if it is pride or denial. Well I made it in and i have poured it out. Hope you guys can give me some suggestions.
I have never asked the doctor for anything but Im to the point that I think I should. I just dont know what to say or should I call a psychologist and schedule and appointment? I just dont know how to talk to them.
Sometimes the pain is manageable and other times its not. I just lay in my chair thinking im 37 but i dont feel that young. I go through this everyday meds may work in the morning but as the day progresses it get worse until im down for the rest of the day.
I dont smile much anymore it seems as though when things start going well theres always something that comes up and causes stress.
Im now being tested for ms and ra cause with everything else my doctor thinks theres more to it. Seems like I have started over again.
I cant watch or play with my grandson anymore cause when i do i suffer for a week. I try its not his fault and he is so wonderful.
I tend to cry by myself out on the porch or anywhere no one else can see me. It would only upset my children and they have enough to worry about.
I walk the floors all night in pain unless i take the sleeping pills and thats no guarantee that i will sleep its only hope.
My purse is full of medications that i absolutely hate to take but i know i must to make it through the day and night barely.
I cant work, I cant even clean my house anymore yet i have to wait for ssdi to say i am approved and what if im not
I dont mean to babble on I just dont know if I should ask for something or not. If I do Ill probably cry cause she will ask me why and when I start telling her i cant hold back the tears. Im worried all i have thought about lately is getting away. Away from my family just leaving and not looking back. I know thats horrible but why should I stay and make them go through this to. My kids are teens they need a life and a mom who can do the mom thing and this isnt it. My grandbaby is wonderful i love him very much but what good am i anymore?? I cant watch him i cant play games or run around the yard with him. Dont get me wrong i love my family very much i just feel useless right now. I know my kids expect more than I can give like taking them places dealing with their friends going shopping its go go go with them and they should be able to but im not that person anymore my body wont let me.
Any suggestions? Who should I see?
What should I say when I go in to see the doctor?
I just dont know what to tell them if someone could tell me what they said to give me some idea that would help.