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My body continues to self destruct

Faith MFFaith M Posts: 287
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:39 AM in Chronic Pain
I just went through 2 months of therapy that put me in severe pain most days of the week. But I kept trying! Now my Orthopedist says I need surgery anyway and will have to do PT all over again. What a waste of 2 months in increased pain! I am soooo disappointed. Bone spurs are tearing my R rotator cuff and since starting PT my L shoulder is clicking and painful too. Dr. said if I don't have surgery it will get worse and I'll need a bigger surgery. And that my left side would end up needing surgery too if I continue to favor my right side. Just wonderful. It will be my 3rd surgery in 2 years. I am so tired and sad. No matter how hard I try, no matter how well I take care of myself, my body continues to self destruct. I need to find some way to shake off these blues soon, Christmas is coming.

Faith M


  • I empathize with you having multiple surgeries in just a short time. I have had four in the last two and a half years. Writing about it here I think helps to get things out, a first step to improving the sadness that comes with more impending surgery. I wish you the very best and happy holidays! Keep the faith.....

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 9,839
    but the only way out of those blues is to look at the brighter side of the entire situation. Finding that might not be so easy.

    I've been down this road before just as many others have. I think it only gets easier after doing this for 20 or more years. It becomes almost like second nature.

    Still nothing looks very bright and colorful for you right now and the Christmas season coming up, just opens itself up for more gloomy feelings.

    Try to focus on the happiness that the Christmas season has brought you and your family over the years. Think about what you've down to brighten up someone's life. Then try to look at your entire situation. I know its hard when someone says, look at others, they have it much worse. It took me only 5 seconds at a large rehab center to realize that. Sure, I have problems, sure I have daily chronic pain, is there more surgery in the future, yes, I just found out today.. But I am still a very lucky person.

    I hope you can find that shining star that will help you through this time.
    Ron DiLauro Spine-Health System Administrator
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • My second surgery in 1yr3mo is upcoming so I understand how you feel. It's so frustrating to see your body falling apart and having to go through so much in a relatively short amount of time.

    I have days where I'm fairly depressed, but they aren't too often any more. Like Ron said, try to find something to hold on to that comforts you and help with the emotional pain and frustration, like how wonderful your hubby and kids are, knowing that you're going to be with your family for the holidays or even eating a whole batch of brownies. (Well, I'm not so sure about the brownies thing, but it sure is tempting.)

    I'm hoping that you can find something that will give you comfort and peace through this tough time. I hope that your friends and the support you get here will help you too. We all know how you feel and are here for you whenever you need us.

    Take care, Faith.
  • I know I'm lucky in so many ways. But sometimes that just doesn't help. I know I am lucky that my shoulder can be fixed. There are many people out there who have no options. I've had chronic pain for 13 years, you'd think I'd be better at handling these disappointments by now. Maybe when I hit the 20 year mark like Papa Ron it will become second nature for me too. Right now all I see is a long road of surgeries with spurts of living in between. During those spurts of living I begin to hope, until it all comes crashing down again. Why must I torture myself this way? This is my life, why can't I accept it? Sorry to be such a downer.

    Faith M
  • I so know how you feel. Honestly, the only thing you can do is accept the grief over the issue and live one day at a time.

    Maybe once you get the surgery, the shoulder PT won't be so bad? There's a little hope there :) (although I do know that shoulder therapy is really awful!).
  • Cath, I wish you the best outcome for your surgery in a few weeks. Keep in touch and let me know how you're doing, we can swap surgery stories. I knew I wasn't the only one going through the multi-surgery blues. I appreciate everyones replies. Thank you my friends.

    Faith M
  • I completely understand how you feel. I have had 9 surgeries in the last 2 years. The shoulder is one of them. Not fun, but once it heals it will make you feel so much better. My last surgery was to take a tumor from my eye socket. I am only 2 days away from my 1 year aniversery from a 2 level fusion. I am still in pain, and started pt to see if it helps. If not it is probably another surgery for the disc that had a small tear, and wasnt fused last year.
    Enough about me. It is hard to have so many things happen and not know what is next. But, it will get better, we just have to have faith and look at the future and the things we want to do. I had surgery right before Christmas last year. I just kept thinking that 2009 would be a better year. And you need to think that 2010 is gonna be a better year for you. Gives you something to look forward to and keep you going. Just try to keep your chin up, and smile and laugh when you can. I know its hard, but it will be better for you.
  • Ouch, never want to do that one again.
    Had a partial cap put on my humerous in January '08.
    not fun at all. One thing, ask your surgeon to get you one of the ice chests! It is so cool, er, cold.

    Looks like a little lunch box ice chest, has a pump and some hose connections, comes with hoses and a pad that has a tube array in it. The pad can be folded on top of and wrapped around your shoulder and upper arm.
    Fill the cooler with ice, water and plug it in.

    Not sure it is appropriate for your type of surgery, but it never hurts to ask and sure beat ice packs! I hated the cold, but the pain when I took it off at times was worse.

    Hope your surgery goes well and is fairly painless.

    I have a hard time believing that was almost 2 years ago now. wow.
  • Faith M said:
    It will be my 3rd surgery in 2 years. I am so tired and sad. No matter how hard I try, no matter how well I take care of myself, my body continues to self destruct. I need to find some way to shake off these blues soon, Christmas is coming.

    Faith M
    Howdy Faith,

    I've had 5 nerve related surgeries in a year and a half, and now it is looking like other levels in my neck are joining the "DDD, spur, herniation etc." club! I try to laugh it off to crappy genes or something for me! I am sorry you are feeling as you are. I too am trying to take care of my body, only for it to have more "parts" have issues. Try not to let it get you down, even with this time of the year. I got a bit bummed as I haven't even started my shopping yet - and this is from a person who normally is pretty well done with it in November! I play with my kids (cats) and watch how much fun they have and how they give me unconditional love - that makes this body of mine leave my conscious thoughts even for for a short time. :-)

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Robin I see you have also been through multiple surgeies. I hope your eye is healing well and that therapy begins to help your pain. I know for me, if I don't do my stretches daily I'm in trouble. And wrambler thanks for the ice chest suggestion, I've never heard of it. Brenda I've also been told my issues are genetic. It is hard this time of year as I've had to let some traditions go. For 20 years I made homemade candy for MANY families and truly enjoyed it. I couldn't do it last year and many were disappointed. I can't dream of making all that candy this year either. I used to make fudge,peanut brittle,toffee,carmel nut logs,candied nuts, and chocolate covered marshmellows for 13 to 15 families. I'm considering just making the easiest one for all this year(toffee). It's a maybe. Take care my friends, thanks for being so understanding.

    Faith M
  • Faith,

    I hear ya about traditions and such. There are a lot of things I have been "pinched" from this year due to my fusion issues (still "interim" according to the last MRI). If I don't take Lyrica, I can't function! With it, I still have pain, but not the constant nerve pain!

    15 days to Xmas, and still not a stick of shopping done! I can barely drive for more than 15 minutes now due to pain (it was 30 minutes a week or so ago), so trying to get to any "real" shopping in South Florida with the traffic - can't handle it. I will try to get the goodies off the internet shopping this year! We have to adjust is all. It sounds like you are doing the same. Try not to push it, and of course, try to get some enjoyment this holiday season!!!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Say your name to yourself over and over.........Faith...... O:) One of the best coping mechanisms I have. Faith that things will get better...Faith that you will have a good surgical outcome.....Faith in the future.

    By the way, Wrangler's suggestion of the CryoCuff is an excellent one. I had a right shoulder acromioplasty. They went in with a vertical incision, removed a 1/4 off of the bone leading from the collarbone to the shoulder socket, and routered out the joint. One of the most painful surgeries I've had, comperable to ACDF. The ice water bath helped tremendously. If you would like to know more about my shoulder surgery pm me, I'll be glad to share my experiences. Good Bad and Ugly :D

    Hugs & Prayers >:D< >:D<
  • I agree Brenda, the shopping part can be so difficult for us spiney's. I am lucky to have many stores and a mall 5 minutes from home. All the mall stores have outdoor entrances so I don't have to walk through a huge indoor mall. And you're right we have to adjust rather than fight our disabilities. And thanks for sharing Maggie, it sounds like you had a pretty major surgery! For mine they are removing bone spurs, and possibly sewing up the rotator cuff depending on how bad the tear is. I know it's still gonna hurt bad, I'm worried about how long it will be before I'll be able to get back to doing my excersizes for my neck and back. I really need strength in my arms to do my stretches! And I feel worse after missing my excersizes for just one day. I hope you both have a wonderful holiday season. Thank you for you responses.

    Faith M
  • Howdy Faith,

    Love that name!!! Yeah short of hitting Walmart, the nearest "mall" from me is 40 minutes away - and that in light traffic! I told the hubby that "he needs to take me shopping" for him! I can wiggle around in the car as a passenger, just doing the driving gets really painful! He pretty much knows what he is getting. :-)

    My treadmill should be delivered within the hour! I can't wait. I loved my Elliptical, but found of late my neck can't handle it anymore. I bought it as a "Santa" gift for us both. :---) Happy Holidays!!!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • just wrote a good post...poof its gone...what the heck.
  • Hi Faith,

    I was wondering how you made out with your shoulder. And I'm so sorry to hear this, but I was afraid that would be the outcome. I know the pre-op PT seems like such a waste of time, but the ortho can't always reccommend surgery without trying all the "conservative measures" first. And that includes PT. Also the therapist's report helps the surgeon determine if surgery is going to be the best option.

    You will feel 100% better after the spur is gone, not right away of course.(It will still be very painful for about 4-6 weeks.) The ortho should give you pain meds for this period. And the post-op PT will be very helpful to get you strength back. That cyro-cuff sure sounds like the way to go. I didn't have one, but it sounds great.

    AS for holiday traditions, try not to feel guilty. I know it's hard. But by next year, you should be feeling much better and can go back to your candy making. (That candy all sounds wonderful. What a doll you are!) My grandkids have had to start helping me with cookie baking and they love that. Also, skip wrapping and use gift bags. Wrapping is hard work! lol. Most of my gifts go in gift bags. As for shopping, I only went once. But I ordered most of the grandkids' gifts on-line at the Black Friday sales when everything had free shipping.

    I know it must be disheartening to face yet another surgery. But trust me, after this is fixed, you will be so glad you had it! And the longer you prolong it, the more damage that spur will do to the muscle.

    I will be praying for a succesful outcome for you. Keep the faith, thing will get better!


  • Brenda, this year my husband and I aren't buying eachother gifts. Instead we bought a big fat cozy couch and we are counting the days till it arrives! Be careful on that treadmill and Merry Christmas! Thank you Marti for the info, you are always so supportive. I appreciate you giving me the pain time frame. Merry Christmas to you and yours. And thank you all for the pep talk!

    Faith M
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