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i'm feeling a lot more positive

immyaliimmyali Posts: 399
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:41 AM in Chronic Pain
Thanks to all of you, whether you realise it or not, you did save me the other day. Even the more confronting of you (yes you know who you are :) )
The pain hasn't changed, it still sucks. My attitude has changed. I realised my family is worth fighting for.
So I have set my new plan into action.
Step 1. get up and exercise more, eat healthier, take pride in my appearance, lose the extra weight that's come on from immobility
Step 2. bit by bit, day by day clean this damn pigsty of a house, it makes me feel worse living in filth
Step 3. continue to connect with the people here who know how it feels because you are one hell of an amazing bunch of people.
Thanks from the bottom of my heart to everyone who had a hand in bringing me back to the land of the living as painful as that may be. :X


  • Oh Immalyi,

    I am so happy to hear you are in a better state of mind. I don't know if I responded to your first posts (I would have just been repeating others encouraging posts) but I read them all and have been worried so much for you and your family.

    There were quite a lot of excellent posts telling you exactly what I was thinking: your family needs you, it will/can get better. Both my Grandmother and Great-Grandfather commited suicide and to this day, my Mom, at 69 years old, feels the pain.

    When you need support we are here to listen. Keep us posted on how things are going. Tiny steps at a time, don't physically hurt yourself doing too much too soon. Take care, Lisa
  • that you were able to pull yourself out of that dark hole. It sucks the best of us in, and sometimes it does take that "friendly" push from unexpected sources to get us out. Knowing that you are not alone, and that your family loves you and needs you, are the biggest motivators for us all I think.
    Having a plan of action is so important, something to look forward to, something to occupy our minds and not give in to the self pity and despair. I'm so glad that you made a plan for yourself, and it's a great one, too!! It's so important to take pride in ourselves, our home, and what we can do. Keep up the positive frame of mind, try not to focus on the negatives, and you'll see your plan come together (I love it when a plan comes together LOL). And when you need support, encouragement, or some "friendly" motivation, we are and will be here for you!!!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Thank you for sharing this wonderful news. I am so happy to read this. :)

    Your three step method is great and is sure to bring you a lot of relief, a tremendous amount of satisfaction and many smiles.

    I'm proud of you and I will be one of the many people here... cheering you on!

    Take it slow, don't rush yourself and most of all... enjoy this new path you have established for yourself. I have a feeling, you will be a positive influence for others who come across this post.

    Best wishes to you,


  • immyali, I'm so happy to hear that you are feeling better. We all have peaks and vallies with our emotional states as well as our physical pain.

    When you start feeling down, look at your kids and husband and hug them. That always seems to make me feel a little better especially when one of the kids tell me I love you.

    Do you have friends or family nearby that could help you with the house? I don't know if you could afford to hire someobdy to come in and clean once or twice a month. I was approved for SSDI and found a local lady (with great referrals) that will clean my house for $70. My husband said to sign her up for every 2 weeks. It really took a lot of stress off my shoulders and his.

    And keep on posting!!! We're here for you and would love to know how things are going. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
  • I'm so glad to hear this good news!!Just keep your spirits up and keep that positive outlook and everything will fall into place.You'll have all the support and encouragement from everyone here one person can stand...lol..A great big hip hip hooray for you!Peace and Love. Mark
  • I don't know exactly which kick up the butt it was, but whilst I wouldn't exactly see i'm flying high (no drug pun intended) :))( , I am definitely more upbeat and motivated.
    I only hope that the next time someone posts how I felt the other day that I have the right words of wisdom for them to help.
    I've also decided i'm going to ask about one of those metronic (sic) pumps when i go to the pain clinic on the 22nd, I'd love to come off the narcotics as they have really robbed me of my drive, mental accuity and memory.
    Also if you hear of any Aussies who are injured as a result of a car accident, please PM me, as I used to be a claims consultant (yes I know, ironic isn't it) and I could steer them in the right direction.
    By the way my real name is Kylie. I got Immyali from a combination of both my daugters names.
  • Awesome. I am so glad. Just keep going one day at a time.

    This is a suggestion I gave to my oldest son. He came to me and said that he was miserable all the time. I asked him what made him happy, what made him sad. My son feels what ever is going on at that moment very stongly, and tends to forget about how he was feeling shortly before (he has a form of autism).

    When I said that to him, he agreed. We made a plan, one to talk to his counceller about it. 2, he is starting a feeling diary. He is going to write what makes him feel bad, and then try to make choices that avoid that (like doing his work so he doesn't get in trouble). If that can't happen (like someone teasing him), then he is going to write what he did to make the situation better.

    He is also writing about what makes him happy, and why. Then we can try to expand what makes him happy.

    I try to do this in my own life. I had a Dr suggest it to me, and at first I thought how dumb. I know what makes me happy, and what doesn't. But what I found was that when I was writing the happy things (or reading them later), I remembered how it felt and that lifted me up. Writing down the bad things has helped me make better choices, and has given me a lot of insight into how I choose to react to a situation. You know the saying, people don't make you angry, you choose to be angry. I didn't believe that for a long time.
  • that you are better. I was so worried about you. It sounds like you have it together, a plan of attack. It helps to have goals. I know that when I do things around the house that are bugging me, it lifts my spirits. Just dont do to much at one time, and get a bad flare. I know, I tend to have a better day, do too much and then set myself up for a couple days in bed.
    I am glad you choose this site, the people here are unbelieveable. The support is like non other. It has helped me through alot of rough times also. Take care, and if I can do anything to help, pm me. I will be there for you. Love, Robin
  • ;) Love your name, BTW. The people on this site give of themselves in such a loving way as evidenced by all the responses to your post Saturday night.

    I am glad you have your plan of action and have opted to be here for your family. One day at a time, a little victory each day.

    Keep posting about anything on your mind -- we all sure do (LOL!).

    Take care,

  • Sorry all, I hope your not too mad at me, I just realised there is a different forum to discuss depression and my stuff.
    I apologise and will be more careful in the future.

  • to disappoint you, next time i'll get more serious about leaving image:)" alt=">:)" height="20" />
    One thing about us Aussie's we're a stubborn bunch. Bet you're freezing your butt off right now =))
    I look forward to battling with you in the future :P
  • I'm so happy to hear you've got a plan to stick to now. It's something to get you started in the morning and a way to change your life one baby step at a time. I really felt your pain and so relieved you're feeling better. All those who were there for you and posted are just awesome. Although Michael thinks he may be an a$22! I'm very happy to see him support you like crazy. Keep up the good work. There's no way to go but up from here on. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • I have not been sure where to post something, choose what I think is the best spot, type away, and realize it probably belonged on another part of the boards. The great thing is that nobody around here seems to get upset by it. It's more important that you post and talk to us than worry about where it should go. It helps if we get it right but nobody will beat you up for it.

    I would rather be in "The Land Down Under" right now. Getting another snow storm tonight after one last weekend with another coming in for this weekend and probably next Tuesday. (I'm on the East Coast in Maryland.) The storm fronts just about put me over the edge.
  • find the cold weather makes your pain worse? I certainly do. I guess because of the arthritis as well.
    The temperature here is a lovely 30 degrees Celsius (sorry don't know farenheit) but we've had up around high 30's lately. Too damn hot.
    I've always wanted a white christmas and one day i'm going to make that happen. It must be magical. Not sure how you drive on all that snow and ice though, it'd be pretty tricky i'm guessing
  • im so glad your still here it makes me feel so much better tonite that i read this now get on with that awsome plan and life renee
  • I find the cold weather makes the pain worse! Two years ago Feb. I was trying to get to work in a blizzard walking to the bus stop and I feel I herniated my disc even then because after waiting for the bus for an hour I was trudging over snow banks to get back home and called to say I couldn't make it to work and my husband refused to drive in the storm. It took a few days for my back to stop hurting then did 3-12 hr. heavy assignment shifts at work and came home and collapsed and that's the last time I've been to work.
    But the snow looks beautiful I really love it when it isn't a snow storm of course. I bundled up and went for a walk just as the snow was falling tonight, I figured it would be difficult and slippy tomorrow. I can't wait for the summer and the nice warm weather though. We've had a few Christmas' without snow here, I guess it's fun if you have kids and can go sledding those were the days! Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Charry, we don't get snow here really, not any that stays on the ground anyway. Our winters are freezing in the minuses though. We have a 3 hour drive to get to the snow fields where I live. But it's also a 3 hour drive to the beach so it's a pretty good spot to live really. I live in Canberra which is the capital, contrary to popular belief that Sydney is the capital :)
    So tell me, you don't seem to whinge much, but are very supportive with everyone else. How did you get to be so positive?
  • You're a strong woman, Kylie. I applaud your plan and have a feeling you're going to not only be okay, you're going to be better than even you expect! On your "down" days, come here and talk it out, then get back up and dust off that action plan and keep going. :)

    2009 Foraminotomy C6-72010 PLIF L4-S1Multi RFA's, cervical inj, lumbar injLaminectomy L3-4 and fusion w/internal fixation T10-L4 July 17Fusion C2-C5 yet to be scheduled
  • Dam are we good next time you need a kick in the rear. just come back lol

    we still love ya
  • Positive? Google positive affirmations. I try to replace negative self scripts and replace with positive ones. I also couldn't make it if it wasn't for this support group(SH) that I found over a year ago when I first started having back problems. I encourage anyone also who's on the outside to join in and you may not always get the answers you need but lots of support from fellow members.
    Thanks for the info about Canberra being the capital of Australia I didn't know that. My cousin studied in Australia and her parents have been there and love it but I couldn't afford to go there. It's a beautiful country! I complain a lot to my husband but he's not supportive at all. My hope is in my faith and although I don't understand everything I know there is a deeper meaning to what I can see. i believe in the power we have to give positive energy toward somone and believe in prayer.
    Do you use a cane to get around? Or a walker? I was shy at first but where I live I make it a goal to check on those cali-lilies someone is growing down the street or I can't even wait for my red poppies to start to grow. My neighbour gave me some and it's just holding on to the hope of tomorrow and better things like warm weather to look forward to. Do you have any flowers in the garden or veggies? It wasn't until I bought this detached home to see how much I like flowers lately.. Up until I was 40 I lived in apartments and couldn't garden well I still can't but that's where hubby and neighbors to help come in lol I just take things one day at a time and hope for tomorrow. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • in a form of prayer I guess. I send white light and loving thoughts to people. I believe in angels and a higher power, i'm just not so keen on religion, never had any positive experiences there.
    I do use a walking stick from time to time. When it's really bad and it hurts to weight bear on my right leg or it's doing it's collapsing thing i'll use the stick.
    Do you use a stick?
    It's a bit hard with my girls being so young, as I still have to do everything for them so I can't really take breaks as much as I should.
    I had a veggie garden once, but (and this will sound crazy) I couldn't eat the veggies as it was like they had feelings or something. It's like I can eat meat, but I could never eat the meat if I saw the animal killed etc. We have a severe drought over here so we don't have much of a garden cause we're not allowed to water it.
    Take care
  • Bravo for you girl =D>

    Cheers :H
    Patsy W
  • Being positive is the key to survival even when things are going bad we have to keep that focus, we continually adapt to trying new idea that may have not worked previously. Being positive makes us live in the now and help with those short term objectives that at times seem so far off or attainable.

    We have to acknowledge when thing are not going well and not use that as a measure of what may or might happen in the future, it is not easy or simple. The key thing is for us to get it that being negative is wasted energy, all those hope and wishes however emotional will not change the pain we endure all the time, change what we can and try to live with some acceptance however reluctantly.

    Take care and good luck, half was to coping with this lifestyle is to be positive.


  • My one regret is that I didn't keep in touch with this site following my surgery. I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten so low if I had had the support of everyone here during that time.
    Oh well, you live and learn.
    I'm finding by focusing on others worse off than me on this site and offering my support is actually making me feel more positive. I think because i'm no longer so insular and self absorbed. I can actually go for a whole hour without thinking about my pain!
    Everything you said is true and I will remember your words of wisdom when I have one of those days.
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    Hey there Kylie,
    Haven't read the posts for a few days but what a pleasant surprise with your upbeat attitude here. You probably don't realize how many others you have touched in a positve way. I know you certainly brightened my day!
    Take care and the best to you,
  • I'm certainly becoming addicted to this site. Even my husband has noticed that i've actually cracked some smiles lately, a rarity of late!
    You've probably noticed i'm posting on everyone's site, probably becoming annoying but i'm enjoying myself. :H
    Did you check my funny in the jokes section? I giggle every time I think about it.
  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    hey kylie,
    Just keep on doing what your doing, don't think you will annoy anyone. You are so right, S-H can become an addiction, and that ain't a bad thing. Set goals for yourself that are easily attainable, then if you can push yourself once in a while to exceed those goals it is a great feeling of accomplishment.
    I want to thank you for your posting your positive attitude, you are an inspiration!
  • We all need a role and focusing on another helps us feel good about ourselves that is sometime hard to replicate in the outside world of normality, the suggestion is that if we are thinking about something else we cannot be thinking of the pain simultaneously and it is a strategy of distraction, I am always looking for ways to not think of the pain that is with me constantly. Our positive attainment need to be mixed with the reality of what we can do, as opposed to what we would like to do or once did. We all have an increasing list of things we can no longer do, contrasted with unimaginable achievements given our condition.

    Our own perception of how the pain is may be tied to how we fell about ourselves, and although the pain is constant our mood does change how we feel about it, even when the underlying pain stays the same.

    The suggestion was that it takes similar effort to be negative as it does to be positive, we are all supporting each other and seeing beyond that , “yes but” instant prerequisite to a just do it attitude, some days that will not work and we have to wait for the next realistic opportunity to present itself.

    A lot can be done with a positive attitude, much more that we might initially imagine.

    As Ranger said, short term attainable goals, I once moved five tonnes of soil with a plastic car, a child’s spade and a little chair. Acknowledge positive achievements and befriend positive individuals, ignore the sceptics and doom makers, cry when you have to. True friends support us even in the bad times and help us to see the potential light through the darkness.

    Many things are possible and believe in yourself.

    Take care, that positive vibe helps us all.

  • :H I've been visiting this site for a while now, but lately things have been going downhill fast. Yesterday I was having those thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. But my Angels directed me here to see whats been going on. And I read your story.

    I had a spinal fusion in '05 it went well enough for me to return to work for two years. Then other things started, fibromyalgia, spinal stenosis and a lower level that needs to be done. I had to leave work (and I loved my job) and go on disability. I've been a single Mom for 20 years, my kids are alot older than yours,and my daughter still lives with me.

    Two weeks ago my right knee started to hurt alot, it seems that because my Toyota sits so low I press with my knees to get in and out of the car. My Dr. says it looks like it may be my ACL. I have an appt. Tomorrow. Well, this past Sunday morn. I deceided to take my dog for a nice walk, I got two steps and my leg gave out and down I went face first but what I really felt was rib pain. Back to the ER with lots of scratches and two bruised ribs. But it was my ego that really got hurt. My daughter heard the dog calling for help and came running. She couldn't get me up, she is tiny and I am very frightened of hurting my back again.I felt like such a total loser laying on the ground, with my kid in tears looking for help.I felt the way you did, that they would be better off without me.I have been feeling like that alot lately. I know my family and friends are tired of asking how I feel.

    Well, I checked here today and you seem fine, so I'll wait and see if I feel any better once I get the knee and the ribs fixed and healed.

    I am just glad you were on here when I checked yesterday. Stay strong Kylie, you are just a pup. I'm sure once the blooms start I will feel a bit better. And hi to Michael, you make me laugh!


  • It was good to hear from you, I believe everything happens for a reason, sometimes it's damn near impossible to see what that reason is until further down the track.
    I'm starting to believe (from the feedback i've been getting) that my meltdown has touched a nerve in a lot of people, who have felt like I did but didn't verbalise it.
    I can tell you now, that was the darkest moment of my life. But I managed to turn it around so quickly only because of the wonderful people on this site.
    As I type my 6 year old is putting on her ballerina skirt and my 4 year old is using my arm as stairs for one of her toys and singing a beautiful song. Why would I have wanted to miss any of those moments?
    Pain will never be stronger than my love for my children again.
    I hope you get better Donna and never feel embarrassed to get help. My leg collapses from time to time too and I use a walking stick when I need to, I find it helps alot.
    Lots of hugs and PM me anytime.

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