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having a bit of a pity party, all welcome to join in

jayhawkjjayhawk Posts: 1,032
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:42 AM in Matters of the Heart
The walls are pulling in on me and I think the isolation of recovery is taking it's toll. Spring Break begins today. We always take a vacation at this time each year. My family has a ski house in Breckenridge, Co. They all left yesterday and my best friend of 23 years with his 8 year old son are joining them tonight. I'm here, with my daughter and hubby.

I am a huge sports fan and look forward to March Madness each year. I had planned on going to the final four in April~can't now. My hubby is out tonight watching hoops~I can't so I am here in bed.

My work is closed for the week due to spring break so all my friends are out of town vacationing, thus no one to call or stop by.

It is finally spring, and I so wish I could just go do something.

So, instead, I am just having a bit of a pity party! I'm putting out decorations, playing music and serving great food.....LOL



  • Its totally normal what you are feeling. You are so fresh out of recovery, give your body time to heal.

    We all go through the adjustment phase, some have to do it numerous times as another part(s) of their spine has problems.

    Please, stay with this site: it has so many benefits: education, support, help from other spiney/neckies to see you through.

    Feel free to PM me at anytime, If I can be of help.
    Trying to keep the message short, keep losing them somehow,

    Take care, Lisa
  • Hey there,

    First....thanks for the invite. If I had more time to plan, I would have baked something yummy.

    Second, what type of food are you serving? I basically ate cake all day (left over bday cake) today and if I knew there was a party, you could have saved me a lot of calories.

    Third, it stinks. I know what you mean about getting out, feeling left out. Today was the first time I watched a 'running race' show on one of the sports channels and didn't get terribly upset that I won't run again in the races that used to get me so excited. BUT, it gets better with time. You have to celebrate the little wins.

    Perhaps if you are up to it, you can have a march madness "small" party at your house. When my surgery was supposed to be before SuperBowl Sunday, I told my husband I wanted to do that figuring I could hide if I wasn't feeling good but feel like I wasn't missing out.

    I hope the walls don't feel so 'close' as spring continues to approach...I look forward to when I can open a window and "feel" like I'm outside more.
  • I was just thinking about what kind of food and drinks you would serve at a pity party. Must be lots of chocolate and junk food and booze lol.

    Now to the serious part. There's nothing more disappointing and depressing than when the weather starts getting nice and you are stuck in the house while everyone else is out enjoying themselves.

    I experienced this first hand for the past week everyday. The weather has been beautiful and I've been stuck in bed. The kids and hubby have gone out each day and played outside, went to the mall, and he took them other places. My friends don't come around and now that warmer weather is coming I will be hearing them talk about their campsites w/ boats they go to on weekends or awesome vacations they went on or a day trip to water park. Just taking a long walk down the road or something would be nice. I've been so depressed.

    I finally called my new neurosurgeon up cuz I was waiting to find out if I was going to do SCS trial again or just get the permanent implant, but I started having increase back pain and numbness and tingling starting in my toes and working up my leg everytime I tried to stand so he took me in right away. I had a complete meltdown talking to his asst so she got the surgeon (which I was not scheduled to see) and he said he was looking over my films and thinks a PLIF is the way to go. This is no life for me. I miss out on so much laying in bed or on the couch.

    Sorry for rambling about myself. I was just trying to make the point that I know how you feel. If you ever want to chat feel free to send me PM.

    Your spiney friend,
  • Sorry for the rough patch you are going through right now. I know its hard with little kids,they just don't get it, no matter how many times and how many ways I describe it, very soon they forget.

    Wishing you better, less pain days ahead. Would say more but getting sleepy,

  • Yes the kids are having a tough time with this and even told me that it makes them feel bad when I'm in bed alot. I started crying when my 14yo told me that. I explained to her the pain I am feeling but it's still hard. I come out in the living room and spend time with them as much as I can or the sit in bed with me and we watch tv or just talk about their days at school. I told her they are always welcome to come in and talk to me if I'm not sleeping but sometimes the medicine that makes my pain feel a little better make me sleepy.

    I know that I'm doing the best I can with them but I still feel bad cuz I'm not there as much as they need me to be at their age. It's not fair to them that I'm sick

    Ok enough pity party for me...on a funny note...my lil' guy was just talking in his sleep and said he would like to have fish sticks for his date. I asked if Kiersten (little girl at school) or Venessa (his gf lol) was going on the date but he wouldn't answer....hehehehe....sometimes if I talk to him i can get him to keep talking
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,730
    That's too much work. You re supposed to be recuperating. Cut it out!
    You'll be enjoying all of that stuff soon! Get better first.
    Good luck, Jim
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
  • I agree with Jim. Get your rest take this time off to heal. Let's hope and pray you are feeling much better and more active when the weather gets even better.

    I'd come hang out with you and keep you company but I can't even drag myself out of bed at times.

    My surgery is april 19th so I'm hoping that by june and july I will be able to atleast pull the lawn chair out and hang out and sun bathe outside lol. If I have to lay around, I might as well get a tan while doing it. Now that's multitasking at it's laziest hahahahaha.
  • Went and saw my ortho on Thursday as he said to come and see him when i'm ready to have my knee replacements.
    Then he turns around and says i'm fat, that's why my arthritis is so bad and he doesn't want to do knee replacements because i'm not taking my weight seriously.
    He suggested I "push" through my back pain and swim, walk exercise, when I told him I end up in bed if I push through he said keep doing it the pain will get better. I suggested he didn't understand how chronic pain works. He said he understands chronic pain and insists that it is my mind set and that I could push through the pain if I wanted to.
    He said he wants to remove the hardware in my leg and have a look around. Not sure if I ever want to see him again at this point.
    Xray yesterday showed spondylosis in my entire lumbar spine, which has developed in 6mths and modic type 1 at L5/S1
    Woke up today every joint in my body is aching, my feet feel like they are in a bucket of ice and are REALLY painful, yet they are numb to touch, MRI showed no nerve involvement???
    My face is numb especially my nose, my hand are numb, I can't feel temperature at all!!!! The back of my thigh is ice and my back pain is through the roof!!!
    Come to think of it, i'll bring the wine, cheese, chips, valium and xanax as well!!!
    Phew that feels better.
    Thanks for inviting me to the pity party I really needed that.
  • Oh my gosh Kylie, that is just unexceptable for your surgeon to have said that! Hello! Chronic pain is a vicous cycle/circle! I wouldn't blame you if you found someone new! That is just not OK! I am so mad that was said to you and I am so sad! I'm sorry my friend!

    Have you ever tried aquatics? I ask because I have alot of training in aquatics as a modality to strengthen muscles. It is wonderful for inflammed joints and it doesn't feel like exercise at the time.

    I started physical therapy on Friday. It is too soon for me to do aquatics, but once my incisions heal, in the pool I go.

    Thanks so bringing all the goodies to the pity party! Ha! Shari
  • Yes, the more I think about it the more angry I get, he made me feel so...inadequate, lazy, useless, like I wanted to stay this way!
    I see the pain clinic tomorrow so i'm hoping for a better strategy for pain management other than drugs!
    I do do hydrotherapy, but I struggle to get there as I have two small kids, plus for some unknown reason every other week Mr Monthly is visiting.
    As for weight loss, i've taken that to heart and live on Optifast, so hopefully the weight will drop.
    I do love your party though, hoping to meet others there soon, surely there are more than a few of us?
  • Did anyone bring the brandy ? I always say pi*s on Calgon, fill the tub up with brandy :O)

    I have not had surgery for my injury BUT I have had other surgeries and at times am laid up with this gimp body I have.

    I try to remember all the things I always want to do IF I ever had the time. Like go through all my recipes, my mags, and books, make a blanket. You know just things that now days we never get time to do.

    I know none of these are real exciting lol however it can help give you the illusion your on your own "vacation" ;)

    L1 - S2 "gone" useless in 1 way or another. DDD. RA. Bone Spurs. Tons of nerve damage/issues. Stenosis. Both knees replaced. 50 yrs old. I had a great fall (hence my user name) at age 41 and it has been a domino effect every since.
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