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I Am So Thankful For All Of You~

dustygalddustygal Posts: 62
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:43 AM in Pain Management
Hello all!
This is the first time I have posted post surgery (3rd one)this past September. After having had 2 previous fusions and a lymanectomy (sp?) I had cysts on my spine and another ruptured disk so we did another fusion and a removal of the cysts. Here is the problem...I am in as much pain today as I was before the surgery. I want you to know how encouraged I was today reading all of your posts and the understanding and compassion you have for each other. I have given up talking to my family as they think I am simply a drug addict. After seeing my surgeon two weeks ago I asked to be sent back to pain management..he agreed and signed and forwarded my records. Three days later he called me...after looking closely at my x-rays from that visit (why he didn't do it while I was there is another question) he wants me to have a CT Scan asap and see him immediately afterward. I don't know what to think as I think at times I am losing my mind...the pain is never ending. One of my greatest joys has always been sitting at the dining room table and checking out all of my internet sites...now, that is impossible as I can only sit for about 15 minutes in the chair. The only peace I have is when I take all my meds and enter a drug enduced sleep...only to wake up at 2:30 am in horendous pain as they have worn off. I am prescribed Lortab for pain...10/500 four times a day along with Soma 3 times a day...plus I am taking large amounts of ibuprophen and my stomach hurts all the time. I also take many psychotropic drugs from a pre existing psychiatric condition. I have been disabled since 1991 and have to be honest...in the last 5 years I have not drawn a peaceful breath. I am ashamed of myself for the thoughts I am having as I am certainly aware of the fact that many people have it much worse...but, pain is subjective and having a very low pain threshold is part of the problem. I am unable to do much of anything here~I try to dust but that is about all I can do...it's s depressing to watch my husband have to do the things that I always enjoyed doing. It is de-humaninizig (sp?) and is adding to my lack of self esteem and desent into unbearable depression. He is an angel but I know he is exhausted and it's affected our relationship horribly! I am at the point where I am now having to take extra Lortab so I am always having to count my pills to make sure I do not run out to fast...that would be the end! I went to a drug detox clinic in Feb and was detoxed off of all my meds...didn't work as their was no way I can live with the pain. I don't know what to do...I am so depressed and angry that things seem to get worse instead of better...instead of even staying the same! My family is on me about exercising...and, the rational part of me says I need to be up and doing but it's horendous to walk across the house or go to the bathroom and find it almost incomprehensive to think about any exercise. I have lost 60 lbs this year (on purpose) and due to the lack of movement my skin is must hanging off of me...disgusting. If not for my 2 grandchildren I would of ended this suffering long ago...yet, I hang on for another day hoping against hope that a miracle will take place and I will have a pain free day. Please tell me...does this get better? Is there anything like getting used to the pain? How do I live and be a productive member of socieity with the condition I am in? I need help! My next appointment with my surgeon is May 3rd and my pain management appointment is May 11th...and I dread both of them. I have to ride in the car to my surgeon (that is in Nashville, TN) for 3 1/2 hours and it's unbearable in my car. I am sorry for posting this negativity as I do not want to be that way! I guess my whole point in this post is that this seems a safe place to be "myself" and to be honest...thank all of you for your frankness and willingness to share with each other...! God bless each of you~


  • Sorry to hear you've had pain for so long. Medical technology hopefully is advancing and there could be some hope for our future. Right now there are Spinal Cord Stimulators that some members have here that helps with pain. Also one member has a implanted pain pump. I recently purchased a TENs unit and it seems to be helping my back pain. i also use a platinum infrared heating pad that helps when I'm sitting. I hope your Surgeon and PM Dr. have some solutions for you to get some pain relief soon. It does feel good to vent here and receive support. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • For keeping up the good fight despite wanting to give up!
    The tragedy is you know whats going on , why its going on and that you cant stop the rush of emotions or pain.
    Tell your hubby about your deep and abiding love for him and of your worrys for him and family. Withdrawing into yourself is a common feature in chronic pain, it causes more problems than most, and keeping open the lines of communication is important!
    Keep up that wonderful chin and keep swinging despite what your body wants, its the spirit that takes the beating but its also what will keep you going in the darkest hours!

    keeping everyday in perspective and in tune with the reality of pain will help, in other words, tommorow has its share, today is sufficient to itself. dont add tommorows sorrows to todays k?

    be strong and persevere, you are an inspiration to many who have or wont voice their sorrow, and will give them hope for a new day!

    Hang in there and dont leave us in the dark on your journey, there are those here who have been there, there are those who are afraid to start, but the common thread is your not alone in this struggle!!
    keep us up on you and we'll carry what we can, be here when we cant and well walk this road together k?
    welcome to the little spiney village on the web!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Keep fighting!! You can win this fight of pain, hopefully your surgeon and pain management can give you some answers. We are here for you and want to give you the support you need!! Lela
  • hi there,

    I'm so glad you are here but hope that by being here you can find a way to reduce your pain.

    In the meantime, you need to splurge on a lap top and then a Laptop holder that allows you to be on the internet lying down. If you are interested, I can tell you the lap top holder I have...it was costly $100 (but is lightweight and looks like a "Z" to allow me to work lying down).

    It is worth the spend to help keep depression valley's at bay.

    Gentle Hugs.
    Glad your doctor is continuing to care even after agreeing to send you to PM.
  • Good Morning Everyone~
    Kind of disappointed this morning...after waiting for my appointment I received a call that my Surgeon has to cancel Mondays appointment! I realize that emergencies come up and if it was my emergency I would be grateful...still yet, this seems to happen quite often and leaves me in a very scary place. He was the one that called me wanting to see me asap after looking at the last x-rays! I was supposed to start again at PM on the 11th but I found out that my husband has to have a biopsy on that day so that appointment will be put off also...oh, how I long for sun and sand! I think just putting my toes in the sand and an umbrella in my drink would go a long way to helping my depression! Wonder if Medicare would go along with it??!! yeah...right!
  • Dusty,
    I couldn't help but laugh. You sound just like me. Ah, to just put my toes in the sand and an umbrella in my drink. I always include Palm trees blowing in the breeze so there can be no mistake that I have indeed gone very far SOUTH! I mean really if we're gonna do it let's do it right?

    Hang in there! Did they reschedule your appointments? A date to look forward too? It is not an easy road to travel but the weather is truly breaking everywhere. Spring is in the air. Maybe with it you can manage a short walk outside just up and down your driveway for some of that fresh air.

    It's 5 O'clock somewhere! Maybe we can put some of those little umbrellas in our juice and sit on the porch barefoot soon at least.
  • Yep...it's 5:00 somewhere and years ago I would of certainly celebrated it! As for now...an umbrella in my cranberry juice will have to do! My new appointment is May 17th...yippie (:...but, at least I am being allowed to get my new ct scan here at home so I don't have to spend all day in Nashville, Tn. I just wish my Dr was closer but, with him being associated with Vanderbuilt hospital I think I am very fortunate to have him. The disaster in Nashville/Memphis is horrendous..so glad I postponed. All I need is a car problem! Anyway...have a blessed day! Dusty
  • Do you have a laptop so you can lie down while being on the computer? I also suffered from depression due to my pain. Joining the wonderful, supportive people in chat helped with that greatly. Live support from fellow spineys and a few laughs with them really helps. If you can, please join us sometime.

    Best wishes,

  • Hi Marianne~
    Yes, hon I do have a laptop and am in the process of ordering a tray so that I can work in bed. On a good note...this week I have been out of the house 2 times and am getting out again for a little while today...the sun is beautiful and I think it makes me feel better just to feel it on my skin! I wouldn't doubt if I didn't have a vitamin D deficiency because since last Sept. I haven't been out of the house except for Dr's appointments so this week has been a real treat! Have a blessed day today!
    ps...is there a spell check on here? i know my spelling is terrible!
  • It's great that you are getting out. Sunshine always makes us feel better.
    Hang in and DO NOT give up! I have been down that sme road. My pain is constant and brutal and has always been under treated. It has been a roller coaster ride.
    Have you tried stronger pain meds? Most everyone here is on much stronger pain meds. Talk to your Doctor and explain to hem the the lortab just is not working for you anymore.
    I am at long last getting help with a pain pump implant this coming week! It is my last hope for relief from this savage pain.
    Do not give up....there is help out there but it takes time to find it.
    I too have suffered a very long time but never gave up. It took me 6 long painful months to get in to see the Neurosurgeon who is going to implant my pain pump. My trial was wonderful....for 3 days I had no pain. This will not free me of all my pain but I hope to get at least a 50% reduction in my pain. I will also be on oral meds and always will be but i will also have my life back!!
    Hang in there Dusty...we are rooting for you.
    Patsy W :H
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