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Question for the ladies about intimacy issues

neomom2nneomom2 Posts: 10
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:44 AM in Lower Back Pain
I have longstanding lower back pain and cervical pain from DJD and several herniated discs. Recently sexual intercourse has become VERY painful. The problem is with actual thrusting (this is a bit embarrassing) as though the pressure is transferred to my spine somehow and nerves are being pinched. Does anyone have any experience with this and, if so, can you give me any tips on how to manage this? My husband and I are pretty depressed about this situation, as you can imagine. And its made me very wary of even attempting to be intimate. I've tried to find some help on the internet but there's nothing that seems to address this specific issue.

Wendy, age 56

DJD of cervical spine since my late 20's
Severe L-4 disc extrusion, herniation of L-3 & L-5 - 5/08
DJD of lumbar spine


  • I had this issue as well. There is really one position that works for me and has no additional pain. I am on my stomach, legs together with a pillow under my torso, body flat on the bed. If I ever want to be on my back, I have to keep my legs down.

    For me, I look forward to intimacy because the release gives me sometimes 36+ hours of additional pain relief.

    Hope this helps. My back is full of metal from a 360 fusion and I have an implanted spinal cord stimulator.

    Good luck!


  • Try various positions. I know it's crazy but there is no way I could imagine being on my back b/c I fear this pain that you describe.

    Some positions to try
    - on top...b/c you can control the thrust impact a bit and have options on "body mechanics" in that you can use the head board, husband's shoulders, or bed to help position you.

    - lying on your side so you can control your positioning as well and take some stress off your lower back.

    - (Silly one but might be a good idea)...more foreplay so that there is less time "thrusting". Get eachother worked up so that you can technically have a 'quickie' from an actual 'intercourse' perspective.

    It's a tough one and I completely know how you are feeling. I will try to think of other things.

    I also found that it's good to get up and walk around the house a bit afterward (I know, not so romantic but it has prevented the stiff achy pains I was having afterward).
  • Me I am now an "Neckie/Thoracic & Backie, and well, not much works for me, but.....the swimming pool! Very low gravity, more fun actually, and no need to stretch, walk etc., as the fun is back without the pain?!? Just a thought. We also tried a movie version - standing up. Umm...not bad?

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Various positions may be the answer. Also varying the positions as you go along (if you get what I mean) has been helpful to me. Also, surprisingly I have found that if I have my feet on the floor and bent over the bed with support and I drop my lower back into a sway back position with my husband behind me actually places less stress on my back, and my husband really enjoys it too! I know, TMI, sorry! I was very leery of trying it because I thought it would hurt more, but to my surprise it hurts the least.

    Whatever you do, don't give up. You will find something that works for you too! Good luck!
  • i sympathise with you .i cant have sex anymore not just because i have nerve damage to the nerves that control the election proses but i cant stand any weight on me nor can i stand moving as one dose when having sex .the pain just takes any pleasure away from the act ..before the back problem i enjoyed sex but now its impossible and not to be too over the top i cant even manage solo sex !!! so i just dont bother .pain now rules my life .
  • Thanks everyone. We have tried a few different positions and found only a couple that work somewhat. Not very satisfying for either him or me but we'll keep working on it. I'm just glad to know I'm not alone in this.
  • I agree with the others about changing positions. I have had ADR and ALIF L4,L5,S1 and still have a lot of issues. The side postion works the best for me with minimal pain. I take vicodin every night before bed so my husband and I get going about 45min afterwards.Also, I use a heating pad or tens unit after to help with the muscle spasms.

    Good luck and dont give up, find what works for you. My husband is always concerned about hurting me and that sometimes prolongs sex which is not good for me, so we spend more time in foreplay than the actual act of intercourse. I really prefer it now because we spend more time on each others mind and body so we've connecting on a level that I've never experienced before, we've become closer.Hope this helps.

  • I am a newly wed of 6 months and I should be active in bed. I too cannot figure out the right position. My poor husband can't enjoy it either because he knows I am hurting even though I try my best to hide it.

    At this point, I am out of commission for a minimum of two days post bedroom acts.
  • to be in this position. Foreplay is going to be huge like someone else said. Get eachother worked up so you don't have to spend as much time "thrusting". I like it doggy style to be honest I put a pillow under my tummy and lean over it for support. Keep trying different things...sex is great for stress release.
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