You all know I'm really infused with guilt over this whole back thing anyway. If I'd done a million things differently, maybe I would still be whole, still be there for my kids... you know the drill.
But dang, the SSDI thing. That's hard. How do you guys convince yourself you're OK applying? I feel really bad- I feel like such an imposter around all of you anyway. And in pain care, and so on. Are they just going to laugh at me?
But then I think... how can I work? How? I can't sit! I can't stand! I can walk, but can't lift, twist, bend, or anything else. And it is never, ever getting better. Isn't that the definition of a disability?
I think a lot of the guilt is about not working. I never was the one who wanted to be a stay at home mom. Don't get me wrong, I love it, love my kids- but I was a career girl all the way. I went back to graduate school rather than staying at home full time when my son was born. I was always doing something. Now I can't even make it through online classes because the sitting is too much and it breaks my heart